My separated husband has been paying maintenance for almost 2 years. I have done everything to keep things settled for my children. I've even pushed for access, encouraged it. I eventually drew the line when he had yet another social outing on his night (we have no other childcare) and I said, no, sorry, I have something else planned. He went anyway, again, and blamed me for not seeing our children and used the fact that I had a night out as reason to stop paying maintenance for his children.
So, I have learned that;
1; I must tow the line
2; I must tow the line
3; I must tow the line
4;I can't tow the line, it's not in me to... tow the line!!!!
BUT, if I don't tow the line, here's the deal.
In the UK I feel utterly let down as the main care giver, I feel trapped and under represented and at the mercy of our outdated, misogynistic court system.
I will tell you why. I have no faith, none whatsoever in a system that should protect our most vulnerable and ensure that their stable existence remains that way.
I'm going to go on anecdotal for now as that is all I have, and it terrifies me. I'm not stupid though, I've researched the courts stance, past cases etc... to give myself a reasonable grounding of the reality but the scary thing is, it still seems to remain somewhat of a lottery! A lottery for my children and your children and their security and welfare!
I have many anecdotal stories from friends/acquaintances that all sing the same tune, "the judge wasn't interested", "hadn't read the notes". "It's all about the fathers rights". "They don't care if they leave you in financial hardship". "The children's views were not taken into consideration"
My husband walked out on me and our two children, two years ago! I was devastated, dumbfounded, on my knees! BUT I had to keep going, I had no choice. I NEVER stopped him seeing them. I was told of cheating etc... I asked for mediation which he refused. I went through the mill and so did my children despite his refusal to acknowledge it. This is where it could get messy. 2 sides to every story, of course there is. What I believe to be non negotiators are;
1; unconditional love ❤️
2; unconditional support
If both mum and dad adhere to these very simple rules the children no matter what will feel secure.
Fathers in the UK at the moment can STOP payments without warning, without recourse. That is utterly wrong. If you want unconditional access then you should be accountable. You expect unconditional love from your children, they have not asked to be in this situation therefore you should return the unconditional love... and support. Yes, go through CSA etc... BUT that takes time and a fight and results in emotional damage to both the main care giver and children. When will the system protect the children? When we all say enough is enough.
Feeling very let down. My sole mortgage application was just about completed and has been ruined as he just 'decided' to stop paying any maintenance. The system sucks and needs a complete overhaul to protect our children. Where would my children be if I just 'decided' to stop caring for or paying for them?