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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be horrified by people in changing rooms?

318 replies

Smarshian · 03/07/2017 19:27

I went on a lovely spa day today with a friend as my first day away from my 6 month old dd.
While getting changed for lunch a woman came out of the showers and stood around for about 5 minutes having a chat/getting in my way - right next to me completely starkers! I was getting changed under a towel and my locker was there and the bench the other side of me so I couldn't move without being really awkward as I was obviously using that space.
I wouldn't mind her just getting changed but she didn't, she had a towel round her head and her full bush and boobs out, she wasn't even facing the lockers, it was like she was just parading in my face.
I've no issue with nakedness in changing rooms while getting changed but don't just stand around naked making me feel awkward!
Aibu?

OP posts:
Zzzexhaustedzzz · 03/07/2017 23:35

I happened upon an acquaintance at the gym once and she was showering with door open so that the stream of water was in line with her arse. Bending over and parting said arse to wash, all the time gaily wittering away to me....ShockGrin

SpareASquare · 03/07/2017 23:43

Better than standing around embarrassing herself.
Better than standing around being an embarrassment.

Someones hang ups don't make the other person an embarrassment. It highlights ones own issues. You feel she SHOULD be embarrassed and are almost offended that she's not. LOL

Getting changed under a towel may seem ridiculous to some but is just as valid an action as being naked in a place where people are naked. Smile

AssignedMentalAtBirth · 03/07/2017 23:51

Ceefax
We have fanny hair dryer too.

I was a towel changer at a quite reserved school until I went to Uni, where the sports changing rooms was fannies abound. One woman looked me up and down as I grappled with my towel and said, Your bits must be more special than every one else's". So I dropped the towel and just got changed

silkpyjamasallday · 04/07/2017 07:13

I apparently have all of this to look forward to as I have joined the gym my friend goes to. She is horrified by all the nakedness, I on the other hand am very comfortable with nudity be it my own or others. No one at this gym has pubic hair though apparently so I may feel more self conscious than I would have as I will be the only one with even a small amount of body hair.

People are allowed to feel uncomfortable with nudity, it is very likely that they haven't been brought up with nudity being normalised, I know in my family it was a huge taboo to be naked or partly unclothed. I got over it for myself though at university. I lived in my friends flat and we often used to share a bath with a few glasses of wine. Before that though I would have been like op, I don't think you can blame people for how they feel about nudity.

SoupDragon · 04/07/2017 07:16

Do it behind closed doors in a cubicle. Not everyone wants to see you naked. Why do you assume people would want to?

Or, the more prudish could go in the often non existent cubicles or, and this is a revolutionary thought, just don't look. I bet a teeny teeny tiny minority (very close to none) of the women I changing rooms give a single thought as to whether people can see them. They are just comfortable ŵith their own nudity.

Like I said, I am a hurried towel changer but even I recognise as my "prudishness" as being my problem. I keep reminding myself that no one is actually interested in looking at me.

It's a changing room. A women's changing room. If you don't like nudity, use a cubicle or find a different method of exercise that doesn't involve other people changing.

MrsBobDylan · 04/07/2017 07:24

It really is an individual choice. Offended by the female naked body? Don't look. Op suggests that she was aggressively blocked in by a naked body whilst she was modestly hiding under a towel. It's as though women who don't feel acute shame about their bodies have something to be ashamed of. How sad

exWifebeginsat40 · 04/07/2017 07:26

AssignedMentalAtBirth

Ex

"Pardon my French?" Have you been on the cooking whisky?

well, no. i'm a recovering alcoholic.

heron98 · 04/07/2017 07:26

I cannot believe people get changed under a towel in a CHANGING ROOM.

Here's a newsflash for you: no one gives a fuck what you look like.

SoupDragon · 04/07/2017 07:33

Yes, but that is their choice, just as walking about naked is the choice of others.

Rinkydinkypink · 04/07/2017 07:36

This is a very British problem op. Personally I think good on her for being body confident.

SoupDragon · 04/07/2017 07:38

"Aggressively blocked" 😂😂😂

I bet the naked woman was not deliberately blocking the OP at all. She was just standing by her locker.

Easilyflattered · 04/07/2017 08:07

The stand around naked women were a refreshing change to me as an 17 year old.

I did a lot of swimming and was in good shape, a tall size 12, but the only message I got from my school friends and mum was that unless you could fit into a size 10 you were obese.

These women, standing there, with their varicose veins and cellulite, were a revelation.

I actually think they do younger girls a favour.

Mulledwine1 · 04/07/2017 08:30

I agree OP but know that I am a prude.

I have swimming lessons every week. At our old pool there was a ladies communal changing area with a few cubicles. I was the only one who used a cubicle. The others all stood around naked and having a chat.

Now we have a new pool and the changing area is unisex and all cubicles. I'm quite relieved as I don't have to feel like a prude anymore!

As for "choosing other exercise" - not always that easy, with lycra showing everything. I don't think some men (especially cyclists) actually realise how much is on show (or perhaps they do!)

Oly5 · 04/07/2017 09:07

I am a naked wander in changing rooms and also like chatting. If you don't like it then maybe stick to your own bathroom at home? I'm amazed people find the human body offensive

Original poster
Smarshian · 04/07/2017 09:16

I don't find the human body offensive. I just don't understand why someone would be so unaware of others around them that they would block them into a corner while naked. The nakedness is important as it is not common to see strangers naked. There is a reason that people walk around in clothes even on hot days, it is for modesty and to be considerate of others. Indecent exposure is a thing. I'm not implying this woman was being indecent, I'm just saying that nakedness isn't a run of the mill thing and that she (and all you others who float about naked in front of strangers) consider how others might feel about it. I was already half dressed and it would have been difficult for me to leave so I just finished getting dressed quickly and left. It is her disregard for my personal space and discomfort that I don't appreciate.
All those who say I should go somewhere else if I don't like it are probably also those who are oblivious to their loud obnoxious talking in a spa pool or their children running riot in a restaurant. If you are making others uncomfortable then you are making them uncomfortable!

OP posts:
IfNot · 04/07/2017 09:27

One woman looked me up and down as I grappled with my towel and said, Your bits must be more special than every one else's". So I dropped the towel and just got changed

Thats just rude. You should have said "Thank you, yes they are" and smiled smugly.

WonderLime · 04/07/2017 09:31

I think the really shocking and saddening thing about this post is the way it is suggested that nudity and the naked body is that it's still something to be embarrassed and ashamed of. And some of the language to describe the body is awful (floppy tits and saggy lips, for example).

What exactly is it about the body that is so offensive? If I walk around with my midrift showing, does that offend you? What if I'm breastfeeding without covering up? Now if I just sat topless? Or is it only my vulva that's offensive? Why?

I've spend so many years with a very poor attitude to my body and I'm still comfortable in my own skin. I would love to sit in a sauna full nude and wish I had the confidence to do so. I would love to walk around without a care in the world in a changing room naked (however regardless of my poor confidence I still wouldn't get changed under a towel. How silly).

On a side note - yes, Indecent Exposure is a thing, but there is nothing wrong with being naked in public. It's only a problem if you are deliberately trying to cause offence to others. As you said, it wouldn't apply here so the only issue I really see is that she blocked you in - but on the other hand you just said that you quickly got dressed and left so she obviously wasn't causing that much of an issue.

carjacker1985 · 04/07/2017 09:34

Easilyflattered- I wholeheartedly agree with you! I find nudity to be a great leveller for body image. We've all got a naked body under our clothes, and by seeing other women in changing rooms being free with theirs it does make you realise that all our bodies are basically the same. Yeah some of us might be a bit wider or a bit wobblier but essentially we're all the same bag of bones and skin and bits as everyone else! I find it quite liberating to see women not be ashamed of their bodies, especially when we all live in a society that teaches women to hate everything about theirs.

rinabean · 04/07/2017 09:40

don't hide in the corner next time and no-one can possibly block you in

You obviously have a problem with women being fine being naked or you'd not have gone on about her BUSH!!! her FULL BUSH and her BOOBS

Not just naked in the normal female way, without pubic hair and also without breasts (I thought this was a new one, but then I remembered all the people who act like breasts are a piece of an outfit that we decide to put on in the morning and therefore women with large breasts are being indecent and/or asking for it) but with her FULL BUSH and her BOOBS

you could have just said "she blocked me in, I felt uncomfortable, I am too shy to talk to people and I didn't want to just act like she wasn't there because she was naked and I felt weird about even brushing past her" but then it would still mainly be about you being unassertive and prudish. But I don't think people would be so annoyed at what you'd said. It was your problem and you should have made it about you and not about her FULL BUSH and her BOOBS

I mean, are we to believe you'd have found her less naked if she was fully waxed and you could see everything?? Or, it's just that you think a woman should be ashamed to have natural pubic hair, or to have her breasts seen without a bra holding them up. That's what people picked up on and what you and others with your viewpoint seem oblivious about

AnUtterIdiot · 04/07/2017 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheStoic · 04/07/2017 09:46

If you are making others uncomfortable then you are making them uncomfortable!

You are within your rights to feel uncomfortable around same-sex nudity.

You are not reasonable, though, to expect anyone to change their behaviour for you.

This is YOUR problem. It is your behaviour that will need to change.

Unless you enjoy the outrage, of course.

1DAD2KIDS · 04/07/2017 09:47

I'm not sure what the fullness of the ladies bush has to do with it Confused? Dose a full bush make the situation worse IYO?

I can understand you (although I don't agree with you) feeling uncomfortable around others who are unabashed by their nakedness, we all have different upbringings and life experience. In terms of the other ladies dressing routine YABU. In terms of you felt she was using your personal space, maybe. Some people are genuinely oblivious to this so in that respect or just dicks, YNBU. But like anything in this world you could learn maybe to be a bit more assertive? Maybe a polite word?

MrsBobDylan · 04/07/2017 09:59

God yes, the full bush. What a fucking out rage.

MrsBobDylan · 04/07/2017 10:00

And boobs! This bitch and her boobs. How dare she.

ExConstance · 04/07/2017 10:05

As I have said on many of these threads before the cure for all this is a trip to an Icelandic swimming pool where communal naked showering and washing with soap of all the areas indicated on the waterproof poster is required before entering the water. ( you put our swimsuit on then) The bonus is that the water is not chlorinated and lovely to swim in.
I quite agree that it is OK to swan about naked in a female changing room, but somehow I still feed the need to make the nudity very fleeting otherwise I feel a bit awkward. Odd really as nude sunbathing on a suitable beach is fine with me.

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