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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friends expecting me to look after kids, 6 week holidays.

999 replies

famtastic · 03/07/2017 08:44

I have just found out from another friend, that a couple I'm friendly with who live round the corner told her that I am having their children for them in the summer holidays. It would be 3/4 days a week 6:30am till 10:30am. So in theory we would still have the day after 10:30 to do what we want.

But I have not actually been asked by them! Or had days times mentioned to me. Literally all that was said to me back in may was "we may need the odd favour in the holidays" and I just said oh ok! They didn't elaborate on the favour and I was in the playground taking my kids to school so a bit distracted and didn't ask.

I was looking forward to the summer holidays with my own 2 children ages 3 and 8, lazy mornings and doing what we want, now I feel sick! There is only 2 weeks left and they still haven't mentioned it to me! And surely they can't get anything else sorted now?! Also my husband works 10/11 hours a day and he leaves at 6:50am he won't want anyone round while he's getting ready for a long day at work! And lastly I don't even know their oldest I've met him once for maximum 1minute, their kids are different ages to my two so I can't see how it's going to work well.

Ahh I don't want to do this but I don't know what to do! Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
Mrs9C · 03/07/2017 10:57

I have a 'friend' who would do this sort of thing to people, I put my foot down and said a firm no to her. It would always be a 'so and so dropped out on me last min, I wouldn't ask if I wasn't desperate' type line, to make you feel the need to help. Don't fall for it. Say no. It's really hard, but it's harder still to spoil the holidays you have with YOUR own children.

Mrs9C · 03/07/2017 10:58

Just to add to prev comment, I didn't just say NO, I made excuses, and she got the hint.

Shadow666 · 03/07/2017 11:00

Honestly, I wouldn't do any days. You'll get sucked in.

NellieFiveBellies · 03/07/2017 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 03/07/2017 11:03

"they will furnish you with the details once it's imminent, i.e. the Sunday night."

Absolutely-too late for you to back out!

Then they might not be able to make alternative arrangements for the first week or two!

I agree that they are cheeky, but I still think that I would let them know now rather than when they try to confirm/turn up on the Mon morning!

CotswoldStrife · 03/07/2017 11:06

Sort this now OP - don't wait until they turn up at the doorstep. Write a note if you have to but ask them which day they want you to have their kids. Then if the early mornings are proposed say no, I can do one day - which day would you like? And repeat.

It is so unfair to your own children to allow this situation to continue when it is easily resolved. Why ruin their holiday?

PickAChew · 03/07/2017 11:06

There will only be awkwardness if you don't nip this in the bud, immediately. And it's all of their making.

ChuffMuffin · 03/07/2017 11:06

The brass neck of some people never ceases to amaze me!!

I bet you your "friend" doesn't ever ask you outright. It'll be "Could you do me an urgent favour today please and look after X from 6.30 - 10.30am? I'm desperate". You'll say yes as you'll think it's a one off, and then they'll ask you to do it again, and again, and before you know it you'll be having them every day at that time over the holidays.

Don't worry about them not being able to get any other child care. That's a life lesson for them. They should have a). asked you waaay in advance if you'd be able to do this, you know.. like any person with more than two brain cells to rub together would, and b). have had alternative arrangements! Their problem, not yours. Don't you dare be guilted in to accepting.

As for the friend who told you about it all, I'd speak to them again about it. Look really confused and say where did you hear that? I haven't been asked to do that, and even if I had I can't anyway. Smile.

hotsfor · 03/07/2017 11:06

7am! On a school holiday! Not fair on your child with additional needs or your other two.

GU24Mum · 03/07/2017 11:07

I think it's better to nip it in the bud now. I don't think you should either ask what the other family needs or make any mention of misunderstandings or crossed wires as that implies mistakes on both sides which isn't the case.

If you are happy to do the first Monday still, suggest you text back and ask if she'd still like you to help her out then as the summer holidays are already getting really booked up .......
OR: quickly book some sort of dentist etc appointment and say that something has come up and you won't be around then.

It's not worth an aggressive response initially but you do need to sort it out.

I'm with the others though wondering how the other family thinks they are going to get in touch and liaise with you if you don't even have each other's numbers!!

CheesesOfNazereth · 03/07/2017 11:09

Why are there 180plus posts about what cheeky bastards these people are? They haven't done or said anything at all.
They haven't asked, they haven't talked to her.

OP has some second hand message that could be complete bunkum. Dial down the outrage until somebody actually does something.

ElleMcElle · 03/07/2017 11:13

Another vote for nip it in the bud now, rather than waiting for them to come to you. Can keep it v friendly, just a quick text saying something along the lines of: "Friend X mentioned that you said we had an arrangement where I'd take kids 3-4 mornings 6:30-10:30. Think there must be crossed wires somewhere, as I wouldn't have agreed to do this with everything else I have going on. Just wanted to get to the bottom of it!"

Shemozzle · 03/07/2017 11:13

I personally wouldn't 'nip it in the bud' 'pre-empt' 'deal with this now' etc. No one has asked you anything bar a vague notion of the first day of the holidays. It's up to them to double check that and inform you of their expectations and see if that is ok with you. Nothing else. The odd favour doesn't even mean child care! So you are under absolutely no obligation. I would assume friend has it wrong and certainly not go out of your way to contact them.

I've got a suspicion that it was the husbands job to deal with this and he's being incredibly sexist and ignorant in assuming as a SAHM you would have no reason to say no! The wife may not realise at all but you think she may have double checked or mentioned it in passing if you see her everyday.

StayAChild · 03/07/2017 11:14

CheesesOfNazereth, OP's own words

It was just a passing comment back in may in the play ground. He just said oh I may need the odd favour over summer. Didn't elaborate on it. I was then taking son into class and that was it. I'd forgotten until he asked me for help the first Monday of the holidays, I said yeah I should be able to. He didn't say times but I know they both work early mornings. It was only when my friend said it to me I was like wtf!?

StaplesCorner · 03/07/2017 11:15

OP is so going to do this. Then come back and say "poor me". Hmm

blackteasplease · 03/07/2017 11:16

I'm just amazed that the 10 and 13 yos don't stay by themselves until the Dad gets back. Surely this would be normal?

Do you think he wants them out of the house when he gets back so he can have a nice relaxing sleep and be late to collect every day?

rookiemere · 03/07/2017 11:16

I'd speak to them - better than worrying yourself about it for the next two weeks.
What utter weirdos if it's true though, I never cease to be amazed by what I read on mumsnet about people.

AlternativeTentacle · 03/07/2017 11:17

"they will furnish you with the details once it's imminent, i.e. the Sunday night." - Absolutely-too late for you to back out!

Of course it isn't! It is never too late to back out of something that was never agreed in the first place.

Then they might not be able to make alternative arrangements for the first week or two! Well, then that will teach them to do some fucking planning won't it? The more people run around solving it for them the longer this nonsense will continue.

KatharinaRosalie · 03/07/2017 11:19

OP, you only have to remember ' Not my circus, not my monkeys'

I would NOT contact them. Thye mentioned they might need an odd favour, so it's up to them to actually ask for this odd favour. If they have not and just turn up with the kids, then this is not your problem. Just practice saying no, this does not work for me. Any 'but what are we supposed to do now??' can be replied with 'I don't know, guess you should have made arrangements'.

Not your circus.

Summerswallow · 03/07/2017 11:20

I have an 11 and a 13 year old, they wouldn't be getting up at 6am to go round someone's house anyway. Fine to leave them in bed with access to a phone and breakfast, mine wouldn't even surface til after 9.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/07/2017 11:20

Blimey they have some brass neck.

I hope you have sorted this now OP

wherearemymarbles · 03/07/2017 11:21

Users rely on people who are too polite to say no.

We have a next door neighbour who is a real user. She no longer askes for favours unless probably urgent as she knows what the answer is.
She is also far keener to be friends as she knows we really dont give a shit...

diddl · 03/07/2017 11:22

I'm just thinking of it from the POV of Op, who might not feel able to back out/say no in those circs-hence why I think that it would be a good idea to tell them absolutely no to anything at all now.

I agree that she shouldn't have to do anything other than say no at a later date when/if asked.

Isetan · 03/07/2017 11:22

Calm down, firstly they aren't friends, they're chancers. Secondly, there's a wonderful word in the English Language called No. It's a sentence all on its little lonesome and doesn'trequire an explanation or justification.

If for any explicable reason you feel guilty, just remind yourself that they were banking on a last minute request making it easier to pressure you and that's manipulation.

ElleMcElle · 03/07/2017 11:23

I don't see the harm in flushing it out now - OP is clearly worried about it, so why have the stress for another 2 weeks. It might genuinely be crossed wires somewhere. But if this couple have been daft enough to just assume that OP will take the kids, then it gives them longer to make alternative arrangements and lessens the chances of OP having them turn up on her doorstep saying it's an emergency (of course, you can still say no in that scenario - but why let it get to that point if a text message could avoid it!).