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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends expecting me to look after kids, 6 week holidays.

999 replies

famtastic · 03/07/2017 08:44

I have just found out from another friend, that a couple I'm friendly with who live round the corner told her that I am having their children for them in the summer holidays. It would be 3/4 days a week 6:30am till 10:30am. So in theory we would still have the day after 10:30 to do what we want.

But I have not actually been asked by them! Or had days times mentioned to me. Literally all that was said to me back in may was "we may need the odd favour in the holidays" and I just said oh ok! They didn't elaborate on the favour and I was in the playground taking my kids to school so a bit distracted and didn't ask.

I was looking forward to the summer holidays with my own 2 children ages 3 and 8, lazy mornings and doing what we want, now I feel sick! There is only 2 weeks left and they still haven't mentioned it to me! And surely they can't get anything else sorted now?! Also my husband works 10/11 hours a day and he leaves at 6:50am he won't want anyone round while he's getting ready for a long day at work! And lastly I don't even know their oldest I've met him once for maximum 1minute, their kids are different ages to my two so I can't see how it's going to work well.

Ahh I don't want to do this but I don't know what to do! Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
Foundwantingalways · 03/07/2017 16:52

Don't answer the door OP. She'll just rant and rave at you...there's nothing to be gained from listening to her craziness.

Marushka82 · 03/07/2017 16:52

JESUS WTAF?! Shocked that people like that exist!

well done OP, the whole of mumsnet is rooting for you!

anydream · 03/07/2017 16:53

I think you should show her this thread. She clearly is quite deluded.
I am married to a teacher - our best friends have occasionally asked him to care for their children in the holidays over the years. Our BEST friends - and even they only ask occasionally because they understand that holidays are family time...
Also - seriously? A 14 year old can't stay at home and look after the 10 year old? my14 year old would go mad if I tried to tell her she needed to get up at 6.30 to go to someone else's house. I doubt she'd be up by 10!

PoisonousSmurf · 03/07/2017 16:53

She can't make you have the kids. If she does try to dump them on you, report her to the social services.

livefornaps · 03/07/2017 16:53

Yes @justilou!!!

MissEliza · 03/07/2017 16:53

Op surely you have mutual friends? She must have done similar to them too. I can actually think of a mum at school who has behaved like this to some people but no one has told her no yet! (Except once and she mental!)

SouthWindsWesterly · 03/07/2017 16:53

You just have to now send her memes as replies. Here's your first one 👍🏼

Friends expecting me to look after kids, 6 week holidays.
Spadequeen · 03/07/2017 16:53

Good for you Fam.

Remember none of this is your fault. She even said in her message that she assumed, well she shouldn't have done and this is her mess to sort out not yours.

Tell her that you're not made of money either and are not able to pay to entertain and feed her kids to save her money. Bloody cheek.

TroysMammy · 03/07/2017 16:53

Sparklingeyes don't be so bloody insulting.

mintich · 03/07/2017 16:54

Stop replying to her. She's trying to wear you down, she won't know what to do if you don't engage.......or she'll come round acting like a nut job! Grin

listsandbudgets · 03/07/2017 16:54

"I was asked for that Monday and nothing else was mentioned. I have made myself available on that day. I did not agree to anything else I think this is a miscommunication between you and your husband. Me and my family have a lot of other commitments so can not facilitate your childcare needs further."

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 03/07/2017 16:54

Fucking hell OP I have no words for how utterly, utterly brazen she is!

I have RTWT with my jaw hanging down in shock!

Who the actual fuckity fuck does she think she is??!

Well done for standing up to her!

The whole of MN stands beside you!

Lonelynessie · 03/07/2017 16:54

Gosh, she's an entitled cowbag! Stick to your gun's op and tell her where to go!

FilledSoda · 03/07/2017 16:55

Jesus !
What a cow

IsabelleSE19 · 03/07/2017 16:55

You may be right about not engaging. If she still thinks you're in the wrong there is just no reaching her.

Hope she reads this thread – if someone pipes up later saying 'YABU' we'll know she's arrived!

Zucker · 03/07/2017 16:55

This is what happens when someone goes through life without hearing the word NO.

Is she mistaking you for a member of staff maybe, next she'll be lining up for a sad face Daily Fuckers Mail picture of her wronged self.

LaContessaDiPlump · 03/07/2017 16:55

Send her this perhaps:

"You're right, one day I MIGHT need summer childcare. When that happens then I'll be sure to a) decide that you're doing it, b) send you abusive text messages when you refuse and c) threaten to come over to your house and carry on the abuse in person. That's all fine by you, right?

What a nutjob.

Tinseleverywhere · 03/07/2017 16:55

That woman has more front than Sainsburys! Amazing!
Well you have certainly worked on your fear of saying no today. Keep saying it.

famtastic · 03/07/2017 16:57

Yes I'm glad I've done it, but this won't be the end of it. Il be moaned at for 2 weeks. The thing is her 10year old and my 8 year old don't even play together totally different age group and interests. They are a bit scared I think of my husband he's quite a big fellow (muscle wise and tall) but he is soft as, not that they know that lol. So when he answers the door I doubt anything will be said, if she actually does come over.

OP posts:
BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 03/07/2017 16:58

Here's hoping the woman's gobsmacking sense of entitlement hasn't rubbed off on her DC, or they're going to be absolute 'delights' as adults!

Spadequeen · 03/07/2017 16:58

Just seen the lastest update. Well that's the thing, you won't just be at home will you, it's the holidays, you know, when people do things with their children.

I'd be making sure that all your mutual friends see her message and tell them what's happened, the fact that you found out by accident that she was expecting you to have her kids for free but when you confirmed the Monday only she lost the plot.

I get she's annoyed, she obviously thought that her childcare for the summer was sorted, however it wasn't, a vague ask of a few favours is not the same at all. But it's her problem and next time she should confirm dates and times well in advance and not be upset when people don't want to do things for free for her

DAMNgina · 03/07/2017 16:58

Yeah, you're right no response now (apologies, in advance, I know we shouldn't pejorative terms re mental health but)

You can't argue with crazy...

Block and delete.

rinabean · 03/07/2017 16:59

her new text does sound kind of like her admitting you'd not agreed to anything but the monday doesn't it? haha! Don't feel sorry for her OP. I hope this is the start of a more assertive life for you. Doing favours is good and friendly! But you knew this wasn't a favour from the start. I am glad you learnt to trust yourself a bit more

Although this woman has done you a favour, in a very roundabout way, you don't owe her!

mumeeee · 03/07/2017 16:59

I'm more and more amazed and actually annoyed about your so called friend's attitude and cheekiness.
Don't do any childcare at all for her not even the Monday.
She will have to pay for them to go to a holiday club or let them stay on their own for a couple of hours.
Her children are not your problem and 6.30 is much to early

Coddiwomple · 03/07/2017 16:59

OP, very well done in your completely reasonable and diplomatic replies. I would just leave it now, and no longer reply, I can't believe your "friend" is for real.

I have heard of entitled people, but the ones who don't even bother to ask! That's a new one.