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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends expecting me to look after kids, 6 week holidays.

999 replies

famtastic · 03/07/2017 08:44

I have just found out from another friend, that a couple I'm friendly with who live round the corner told her that I am having their children for them in the summer holidays. It would be 3/4 days a week 6:30am till 10:30am. So in theory we would still have the day after 10:30 to do what we want.

But I have not actually been asked by them! Or had days times mentioned to me. Literally all that was said to me back in may was "we may need the odd favour in the holidays" and I just said oh ok! They didn't elaborate on the favour and I was in the playground taking my kids to school so a bit distracted and didn't ask.

I was looking forward to the summer holidays with my own 2 children ages 3 and 8, lazy mornings and doing what we want, now I feel sick! There is only 2 weeks left and they still haven't mentioned it to me! And surely they can't get anything else sorted now?! Also my husband works 10/11 hours a day and he leaves at 6:50am he won't want anyone round while he's getting ready for a long day at work! And lastly I don't even know their oldest I've met him once for maximum 1minute, their kids are different ages to my two so I can't see how it's going to work well.

Ahh I don't want to do this but I don't know what to do! Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 03/07/2017 16:13

I would hold the martyred high ground here. "I'm finding this very upsetting. I thought I was doing a favour for a friend, I moved a visit to my Mum back by a day so that I could do that Monday for you. And in return I've received abuse and emotional blackmail. Friends don't do that. My husband is very angry about this, and wants me not to help you out even on the day that we have agreed, but I don't want your children to be upset so I will take them that day."

It's got all the passive-aggressive things that she is likely to roll out onto you - putting children first, hurt feelings, families in uproar - only you've bagged the position first.

HotelEuphoria · 03/07/2017 16:13

I am outraged OP! - can I come round and answer the door, please, pretty please? or can I stand behind your DH when he does?

or just be a fly on the wall? anything...

eddielizzard · 03/07/2017 16:13

you have sworn at me and called me names. i won't be able to have your children on the 17th, but the good news is you've got 2 weeks to sort out childcare for your children. please don't contact me again.

WhyDoIKnow · 03/07/2017 16:13

Well isn't she a treat. Please, PLEASE do not look after this woman's kids after this!

Scottishchick39 · 03/07/2017 16:13

Wow! I wouldn't even ask my best friends to have my children for the whole holidays, never mind just an acquaintance. What an entitled pair, every one else has to fork out for child care during the holidays, why should they be any different? We budget throughout the year to be able to afford childcare in the holidays. Plus, if her son is 14, why the hell can't he babysit for his brother?

userres · 03/07/2017 16:13

I would text her saying: No need to come around, as already stated I have plans over the holidays and can not offer childcare. You choose to have children so you look after!

Stickaforkinimdone · 03/07/2017 16:14

Just rtft.....bloody hell this will go down as a Mumsnet classic!

Well done OP...and stick to your guns!

NoSquirrels · 03/07/2017 16:14

You must be crazy to think this is fair on us! Do you not think it's selfish of you not to give a bit of your free time up! Il come round later and sort it out as I have to get back to my WORK

Wow, wow, wow.

Don't reply. I mean, it is tempting as fuck, as there are so many things to respond to in just those sentences, but no, don't reply.

If she comes round, just repeat repeat repeat that you agreed to Monday 17th, they've never asked you for anything else or even hinted at it being an ongoing "favour" (let her know she's free to show you the messages where you agreed), that it's never OK to assume anything and that you're not "free" at all in the holidays. Not now, not ever.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 03/07/2017 16:14

Tell her that due to her abusive language towards you, you won't be having the kids Monday or ever, and if she turns up and makes a scene at your house, you'll be calling the cops.

NoddysBell · 03/07/2017 16:14
Mittens1969 · 03/07/2017 16:14

And as I understand it, if you're not a registered childminder there is a law against looking after other people's children in your own home. I don't know for sure, but it's something you would need to check if you were going to do any childcare for her.

Falconhoof1 · 03/07/2017 16:15

What an absolute cheek! This "misunderstanding" is entirely her fault too- why did neither her or her DH discuss what they wanted in detail considering how important it obviously is to them!? And to be so rude to you! I would never ask anyone to do so much for me-have always taken holidays or PAID for childcare. Plus a nearly 14 year old doesn't need childcare unless they have SN.

relaxitllbeok · 03/07/2017 16:15

Yes, what on earth did she do last summer? This is weird.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/07/2017 16:15

Omg what a bloody chancer, she has more front than Buckingham palace. She's the kind who just takes takes, and wod never do anyone a favour.

headinthecloud · 03/07/2017 16:16

What is she on talking to you like that then wanting so get your diaries together! Seriously.
As for everyone knows what that means. What an assumption. Can't wait to hear what happens when your DH gets home and she comes round.

TwinklePops · 03/07/2017 16:16

This is the first thread on mumsnet I've ever really followed! I am absolutely flabbergasted by the whole thing! This "friend" sounds like an absolute nightmare! Wishing you lots of luck in truly getting it sorted!

justilou · 03/07/2017 16:16

Wait.... is she on her way over now???

Mittens1969 · 03/07/2017 16:17

Will this end up in the Daily Fail lol????

Oldraver · 03/07/2017 16:17

'A favour is doing the odd pick up or an hour or so when you are stuck. Not 6 weeks of unpaid almost fulltime childcare, that I have never been asked or agreed to.'

justilou · 03/07/2017 16:17

Definitely Daily Fail

hulahoopsrus · 03/07/2017 16:17

Pretty funny, these chancers sound pretty mental!

RortyCrankle · 03/07/2017 16:17

Mouth-droppingly outrageous.

I would reply saying something like you were initially asked for an odd favour and no mention was made of the remainder of the holidays. Had they asked, you would, of course, have said no as you have plans for the holidays. In view of her absurd response you will not now be taking them on the Monday, nor for the second week or any time during the holidays. Your family is your priority, not providing unpaid childcare for such grabby entitled people.

ApocalypseNowt · 03/07/2017 16:18

Broken record them OP.

No I can only do Monday
No I can only do Monday
No I can only do Monday
No I can only do Monday

Ad infinitum

Stickaforkinimdone · 03/07/2017 16:18

Oh and defo cancel Monday, and if she has the gall (which clearly she has) to dump the kids on your doorstep then I'd ring social services to come and collect them

That'll learn her

milliemolliemou · 03/07/2017 16:18

Good luck OP and OP's DH.

The woman and her DH have clearly presumed on OP's goodwill and are now trying to bully/blackmail OP into giving them free childcare from ?0630-1030 during six weeks of holiday. Without checking with OP apart from the first day.

I worked long hours with DP for cover but paid for extra cover in the holidays or took what leave I could. I do sympathise with people trying to earn what they can with kids on holiday - but why can't their 14 year old be paid to look after the younger child? or isn't the 14 year old trustworthy?

Fill us in on the outcome OP.