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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends expecting me to look after kids, 6 week holidays.

999 replies

famtastic · 03/07/2017 08:44

I have just found out from another friend, that a couple I'm friendly with who live round the corner told her that I am having their children for them in the summer holidays. It would be 3/4 days a week 6:30am till 10:30am. So in theory we would still have the day after 10:30 to do what we want.

But I have not actually been asked by them! Or had days times mentioned to me. Literally all that was said to me back in may was "we may need the odd favour in the holidays" and I just said oh ok! They didn't elaborate on the favour and I was in the playground taking my kids to school so a bit distracted and didn't ask.

I was looking forward to the summer holidays with my own 2 children ages 3 and 8, lazy mornings and doing what we want, now I feel sick! There is only 2 weeks left and they still haven't mentioned it to me! And surely they can't get anything else sorted now?! Also my husband works 10/11 hours a day and he leaves at 6:50am he won't want anyone round while he's getting ready for a long day at work! And lastly I don't even know their oldest I've met him once for maximum 1minute, their kids are different ages to my two so I can't see how it's going to work well.

Ahh I don't want to do this but I don't know what to do! Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
AlmostAJillSandwich · 03/07/2017 16:08

"A favour, and "free daily childcare" are NOT the same thing. A favour might be an hour occasionally if your schedules overlap, or picking you up a pint of milk if youre at the shops and the kids have ran out."

SaneAsABoxOfFrogs · 03/07/2017 16:08

I'm sorry, no. The odd favour means one or two days, not several times a week.

justilou · 03/07/2017 16:09

She's amazing!

I think you need to say "You just don't get it, do you? I am NOT providing free childcare for you. I am busy being responsible for my OWN children."

OrgyofSausages · 03/07/2017 16:09

She has called you Crazy, Selfish and told you - almost - to fuck off. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you engage with her at all from now on. Just do not. Save the text thread in case this thing escalates and the authorities intervene (you never know....she sounds unhinged).

YOu MUST disengage completely. Send one final text that says " as a result of your aggression and abusive language I am ceasing all contact with you".

And leave it at that.

wherearemymarbles · 03/07/2017 16:09

I would reply

'Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. And You have fucked up. And no its not selfish to prioritise my childrens holiday over yours. I object to being used and manipulated by you and am rapidly coming to the conclusion our friendship is soley based on me doing what you want'

Zucker · 03/07/2017 16:10

Oh god no don't put her off calling in person. Let her call thinking she's being all reasonable. The joy you'll have from telling her no face to face. (Or your husband) 😄

SapphireStrange · 03/07/2017 16:10

'Don't bother coming over; I wont answer the door.'

2rebecca · 03/07/2017 16:10

She's a nasty piece of work and her abusive text would make me refuse to help her at all. You are better off without this woman in your life. I'd refuse to talk to her about the issue. You've said no, it's her and her husband's problem to sort out. There are options, they'll just have to pay for them but as they both work that should be OK. This is the sort of expense that working parents allow for.

HorridHenryrule · 03/07/2017 16:10

She is using you I knew someone like that. I bet she would never offer to take your kids or have you over for a cup of tea.

KatharinaRosalie · 03/07/2017 16:10

What dates you are free and what we need - What you need is a paid childminder. If you believe your 'no trouble' teenager for some reason cannot be left.

I bet if you ask around, they have already tried this stunt on most of other friends and neighbours.

KinkyAfro · 03/07/2017 16:10

Just disengage, tell her it won't be happening, do not come to your house and block her. I'm angry for you!

InvisibleKittenAttack · 03/07/2017 16:10

My reply would be:

"To clarify, I won't be looking after your children at all over the holidays. I don't need someone this rude in my life. Don't bother coming round, the answer won't change."

This person is not your friend!

FrogFairy · 03/07/2017 16:11

You would be a mug to provide ANY childcare now.

THirdEeye · 03/07/2017 16:11

Send one of the many messages people have posted in response to the crazy mare and then block her number. Sometimes the best response is silence!

However, I have a feeling that even if you tell her not to come around she will anyway. Just let your DH deal with her.

wheretoyougonow · 03/07/2017 16:11

Reply, ' I have never been spoken to so badly especially when offering to give someone a day of free childcare. Please don't come round as we have nothing to sort as I am withdrawing my offer of any help.'

MissEliza · 03/07/2017 16:11

I think the swearing at you is your get out clause. Tell her that alone is unacceptable and her tone is rude and aggressive. I hate using this word but you are being a doormat. That's why she's confident you're just going to cave in.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/07/2017 16:11

Yes it must be awful for them. Having to go work and struggling with childcare. I get its not easy.
I had my mum and grandad to rely so. I'd never just say like an i was alright Jack. "Tough shit, Its your problem
What has got me infuriated though, is that she took you for granted and Then told all and sundry that. You would be minding her little treasurers.
Before you even had a say in it.
And every week day as well. That's abusing your good nature.
It's not even as though. You've been asked nicely or that They've said.
They'll box you off with few pounds each week.
I mean if it were one day a week. Maybe even 2. They'd asked politely, and were paying you. You might have said, Yes.

Ilikecrocs · 03/07/2017 16:11

WTAF!!
I can't believe her cheek! Was literally open mouthed at her last reply!
Don't understand why Daniel can't look after himself and his sibling for s couple of hours anyway. They'll be asleep for most of it.
How dare she say she'll come round later! HmmShock

justilou · 03/07/2017 16:12

OP you HAVE to tell us what happens when your husband deals with her. She is going to try and steamroll you, I'm afraid. I wouldn't be surprised if the kids are sent down to your place sans parents (lunch, money and keys) as well.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 03/07/2017 16:12

Oh just seen your DH is going to tell her to do one. Fabulous.

This person isn't your friend! I bet she's manage to use up all her favours over the years from everyone else.

Libitina · 03/07/2017 16:12

There is nothing to sort out. Do not come to my house. I will not be looking after your children on the 17th or any other day of the holidays.

This.

Do. Not. Engage.

Broken record, then block her. Get your DH to speak to her if she does come round later. Or just don't answer the door. Go out if you don't feel strong enough to ignore her.

Hidingtonothing · 03/07/2017 16:12

'No, there's nothing to sort out, your childcare is nothing to do with me. Our understanding of 'the odd favour' obviously doesnt match up so it's best we draw a line under this now. Please don't ask me for (or assume I will do) childcare again to avoid future 'misunderstandings', I think that's best all round.'

juneau · 03/07/2017 16:12

I agree with kinky. Tell her to not come round, since there is nothing to sort out. A few favours does not equal a week's worth of free childcare from 6.30am-2pm. I have no idea what planet this crazy woman lives on, but it's not one you need to have contact with.

diddl · 03/07/2017 16:12

"And we asked you ages ago for favours in the holidays everyone knows what that means."

Oh she's given you an easy get out there.

I don't thing anyone-except users & chancers like her think that "favours" is hrs of childcare multiple times a week for 6wks.

So tell her straight that what she is asking is what you would deem far out of the realms of "favours" & you will not be able to help at all/just on the Monday.

If you agree to the Monday though, ahe'll obviosly drop & collect the kids when she wants to.

Far better to say an outright no imo.

rainbowpie · 03/07/2017 16:12

She is acting as though you have a joint responsibility or shared custody. My friend and her ex do this. "When are you free? Which weeks can you cover? Can you flexitime a Monday and I'll work from home Friday" etc etc. Why does she expect you to co-parent???