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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends expecting me to look after kids, 6 week holidays.

999 replies

famtastic · 03/07/2017 08:44

I have just found out from another friend, that a couple I'm friendly with who live round the corner told her that I am having their children for them in the summer holidays. It would be 3/4 days a week 6:30am till 10:30am. So in theory we would still have the day after 10:30 to do what we want.

But I have not actually been asked by them! Or had days times mentioned to me. Literally all that was said to me back in may was "we may need the odd favour in the holidays" and I just said oh ok! They didn't elaborate on the favour and I was in the playground taking my kids to school so a bit distracted and didn't ask.

I was looking forward to the summer holidays with my own 2 children ages 3 and 8, lazy mornings and doing what we want, now I feel sick! There is only 2 weeks left and they still haven't mentioned it to me! And surely they can't get anything else sorted now?! Also my husband works 10/11 hours a day and he leaves at 6:50am he won't want anyone round while he's getting ready for a long day at work! And lastly I don't even know their oldest I've met him once for maximum 1minute, their kids are different ages to my two so I can't see how it's going to work well.

Ahh I don't want to do this but I don't know what to do! Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
Anatidae · 03/07/2017 16:01

My god. The sheer balls of her.

Will dh be in at that point? Do not back down, woman!

Spadequeen · 03/07/2017 16:01

Well done Fam. She shouldn't have assumed, yes friends help each other out, has she ever helped you out in a similar way?

I wouldn't reply at all now. She knows you are able to help on the Monday as agreed and the rest of the time you are busy. She also now know she you are not a walk over and she can't assume anything.

Do t reply to her text. She's likely to be cross for a while (not your fault or your problem) so best not to inflame things. Next time you see her, treat her as usual, no apologie, no asking if she managed to sort something, just a friendly hi.

rainbowpie · 03/07/2017 16:02

Send her a link to this and then share it on your FB wall. She will be telling everyone a very different story!

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 03/07/2017 16:04

Don't come round - there is nothing to "sort out". You have never asked me for childcare apart from the 17th - and because you have been so rude, I won't be doing that for you either so please make alternative arrangements. Finally I am not doing anything to you - you are responsible for making childcare arrangements for YOUR children. It's not my fault that you have decided that you are entitled to MY time for FREE without even having the courtesy to ask first! Don't contact me again - I have nothing to say to you.

LazyDaily nailed it here - send this!

amistillsexy · 03/07/2017 16:04

No way would I be having her children on the Monday after this. I'd make sure everyone else knew about her cheek as well!

fannydaggerz · 03/07/2017 16:04

I wouldn't be getting up at 6.30am to look after someone else's children if it wasn't an emergency.

DAMNgina · 03/07/2017 16:04

"free time" "WORK'
Sadly I know - or rather knew- a woman exactly like this.

Nah

TB "link to post + blocked and deleted"

justilou · 03/07/2017 16:04

How the hell have they managed to sucker other people into providing free childcare through the summer holidays for the last thirteen years?

JeReviens · 03/07/2017 16:04

This is unbelievable! People really behave like this?

BreconBeBuggered · 03/07/2017 16:04

'A bit of your time'? Her WORK?

Thing is, most of us make sacrifices when we have DC. Either we temporarily give up on our own careers and financial security to be SAHPs, or we accept that someone else needs to be paid to look after the children and we lose that time with them. She wants to have the bun and the bloody penny, while you get neither.

MyOtherProfile · 03/07/2017 16:04

Oh my goodness! When does she finish work? I need to know what time to check for an update!

famtastic · 03/07/2017 16:05

No she wants so sort out our diaries see if we can't come to an agreement lol!

I put sort what out? I don't understand exactly when you think this was sorted? And her reply was

What dates you are free and what we need. Will be easier in person to get it sorted. And we asked you ages ago for favours in the holidays everyone knows what that means.

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 03/07/2017 16:06

She is a thick skinned cheeky cow. How does she think that coming round is going to help? Please don’t be steam rolled into doing any more when you are face to face. Or text her back and tell her not to come round as there is nothing else to be sorted.

PollytheDolly · 03/07/2017 16:06

What part of NO, does she not understand?

Spadequeen · 03/07/2017 16:06

Favours means the odd day here and there not the whole damn holiday! She's crazy.

DancesWithOtters · 03/07/2017 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumofazoo · 03/07/2017 16:06

Wow just wow, that's crazy that she thinks that her children are your responsibility.

MsSusanStoHelit · 03/07/2017 16:07

Oh my god the cheek of this woman!

Don't send big long messages back now, be a broken record.

"I am not providing you with free childcare. There is nothing to discuss. Make other arrangements as I am not available at all."

famtastic · 03/07/2017 16:07

Yes my husband will answer the door he's text me saying leave it to me. they are the ones who are unbelievable and that he will tell them they can go swing for the Monday now! Lol

OP posts:
AvoidingCallenetics · 03/07/2017 16:07

Best thing I ever read on mn wrt this sort of issue is that they have no right to derive economic benefit from your unpaid labour.
You are a sahp for your own family and that comes with sacrifices, in terms of earnings/career progression/pensions. You are not doing all that so you can mind someone else's kids without so much as a by your leave.

This woman is telling you tgat your time is not valuable or and that her life is more important than yours, to the point ehere she doesn't even think she should have to ask you for favours, that she just has a right to commandeer your life to suit herself.
There is a fundamental lack of respect that you have to address.
I wouldn't let her come round - she will bully you and it just gives her an excuse to be more rude. You cannot reason with someone this entitled. You just have to say no to it all. Inc monday. Don't all ow her yo speak to you like shit and still do her a favour!

Itscurtainsforyou · 03/07/2017 16:07

Just tell her: don't bother coming over. I'm not available to provide childcare for you. Full stop.

WineAndTiramisu · 03/07/2017 16:07

Just send one back saying "I am not free on any day during the holidays, you'll have to arrange your own childcare"

Aeroflotgirl · 03/07/2017 16:08

Wow ask her what favours she is doing for you. Tell her to do one, too bad if she does not want to be your friend anymore.

Mittens1969 · 03/07/2017 16:08

Oh dear, she really is taking the piss, isn't she? I'm livid on your behalf! I'm sorry but she really is no friend.

What she's trying to do is use you for free childcare.

ohtheholidays · 03/07/2017 16:08

Text her back.

Because you don't seem to understand what I have told you the Answer is NO for the whole of the holidays including the Monday now!