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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends expecting me to look after kids, 6 week holidays.

999 replies

famtastic · 03/07/2017 08:44

I have just found out from another friend, that a couple I'm friendly with who live round the corner told her that I am having their children for them in the summer holidays. It would be 3/4 days a week 6:30am till 10:30am. So in theory we would still have the day after 10:30 to do what we want.

But I have not actually been asked by them! Or had days times mentioned to me. Literally all that was said to me back in may was "we may need the odd favour in the holidays" and I just said oh ok! They didn't elaborate on the favour and I was in the playground taking my kids to school so a bit distracted and didn't ask.

I was looking forward to the summer holidays with my own 2 children ages 3 and 8, lazy mornings and doing what we want, now I feel sick! There is only 2 weeks left and they still haven't mentioned it to me! And surely they can't get anything else sorted now?! Also my husband works 10/11 hours a day and he leaves at 6:50am he won't want anyone round while he's getting ready for a long day at work! And lastly I don't even know their oldest I've met him once for maximum 1minute, their kids are different ages to my two so I can't see how it's going to work well.

Ahh I don't want to do this but I don't know what to do! Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
CheesesOfNazereth · 03/07/2017 15:57

It's all actually quite unbelievable. Literally.

ohtheholidays · 03/07/2017 15:57

Please send her this.

Don't bother coming around to my house you will not change my mind and I am no longer free to look after Your Children For You On The Monday and that is the end of the discussion!

Then either ignore any more texts or phone calls after that/that or block her sorry arse!

CatSittingMonkey · 03/07/2017 15:57

Ooops X post, thread moved on considerably

justilou · 03/07/2017 15:57

OMG - This woman just keeps getting better!!!
Please tell me you have spelled out on very small words that
A) You will not be minding her children after Monday, whether you are home or not.
B) Your time is as valuable as hers.
C) Her kids being nice to your kids does not mean she is doing you a favour.
D) She is not your friend, but an acquaintance.
E) Everyone in the neighborhood knows what she's up to.

squeaver · 03/07/2017 15:57

Tempted as I would be to have it out with her face-to-face, I can understand why you wouldn't want to do that.

Reply:

There is nothing to sort out. Do not come to my house. I will not be looking after your children on the 17th or any other day of the holidays.

Nanasueathome · 03/07/2017 15:58

Do you need any of us to come round later OP....to help out if it gets a bit messy
No way would I have the children over on any day after that rant from her
What is she coming round to 'sort out'?

sweetbitter · 03/07/2017 15:58

Oh god the first week reference is ominous.

Yet it beggars belief that if she was still seriously counting on you doing other weeks that she would talk to you like that! Surely not??

MsPavlichenko · 03/07/2017 15:58

And this is why you don't give excuses as I said. They will assume you are available, and want to help at other times.

I wouldn't do the Monday now, but if you plan to you need to message now, and clarify you are not available at any other time at all. No reasons, no explanations.

And you are right they will try and chip away now, and throughout the holidays so best to be brutal now. Who cares what they think/say about you? It will be a result if they leave you alone.

rainbowpie · 03/07/2017 15:58

as I have to get back to my WORK.

Ahhhh you don't work OP. This would be friendship over for me.

Lancelottie · 03/07/2017 15:58

'Sure, you can come round and bring me a nice bottle of wine as a thanks for helping you out with the Monday if you like Smile. I expect you can borrow one off a friend.'

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 03/07/2017 15:58

Wow! Shock She's got more front than Blackpool! DO NOT let her into your house! Just remain firm and tell her there's nothing to sort out, you can't imagine where she got the idea from that you would happily provide childcare for her all holiday - particularly when she's not even asked you!

diddl · 03/07/2017 15:58

I would tell her not to come round as it is sorted out-you will not be providing any childcare at all ever.

I do feel a bit that she thought it was sorted & it isn't.

But hey-don't treat people like shit, don't lie about what you want them to do.

Ask properly & nicely!

Questioningeverything · 03/07/2017 15:58

Oh she's one of those. I get it now.

What you do (sahm) isn't deemed by her 'work' because you don't receive a salary or pension plan.
So you are actually incredibly lazy to be sitting on your backside not furnishing her with free childcare.

I'd reply simply 'don't bother coming over, nothing to discuss. After this exchange, you can find care for the favour I was going to do you on the 17th, and for any day you planned on me doing without my knowledge too.
I am not your free childminder, I've no idea where you got the idea from. Don't contact me again.'

AvoidingCallenetics · 03/07/2017 15:59

If you look after her kids on monday after she has spoken to you like this, then you are asking for trouble. She is not your friend and you don't owe her anything now.

Agree that you need to state clearly that you will not be doing any childcare.
Who are these people who think a sahp's time is up for grabs and that you will be quite happy to mind their kids.

Msqueen33 · 03/07/2017 15:59

What a cheeky nasty bitch! I'd refuse completely. She's rude and insulting. Like you're at her total beck and call. I'd not even have them on Monday. She's completely out of line.

rollonthesummer · 03/07/2017 15:59

I am wondering how this situation has happened. This couple have a 10 and 13 year old so have experienced summer holidays for at least 9 years now. Surely they haven't actually found someone in the past who is stupid enough to have had their kids all holidays unpaid?!

SoupDragon · 03/07/2017 16:00

Il come round later and sort it out as I have to get back to my WORK.

Tell her you're too busy being a full time parent

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/07/2017 16:00

Can't you change your plans.
Erm. No you damn well bloody can not change your plans.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 03/07/2017 16:00

I'd reply a simple:

"Don't bother coming round, there's nothing to sort out. I'm not doing unpaid childcare for you. It's sorted as far as I am concerned."

PollytheDolly · 03/07/2017 16:00

I've come across some self-serving bastards in my time, but SHE takes the biscuit.

Rachel0Greep · 03/07/2017 16:00

.

CalmItKermitt · 03/07/2017 16:00

Cheeses - isn't it?! Can't wait for the next update though! 😁

rookiemere · 03/07/2017 16:00

Text back
No childcare for any days in summer holidays or indeed ever.
Do not come round you are not welcome
There is nothing to discuss

justilou · 03/07/2017 16:01

Yes - she intends on guilt-tripping you for free childcare from the moment you're back. She sees you as vulnerable and is lying in wait. I want to tell her to fuck right off.

DartmoorDoughnut · 03/07/2017 16:01

Oh my word!