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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends expecting me to look after kids, 6 week holidays.

999 replies

famtastic · 03/07/2017 08:44

I have just found out from another friend, that a couple I'm friendly with who live round the corner told her that I am having their children for them in the summer holidays. It would be 3/4 days a week 6:30am till 10:30am. So in theory we would still have the day after 10:30 to do what we want.

But I have not actually been asked by them! Or had days times mentioned to me. Literally all that was said to me back in may was "we may need the odd favour in the holidays" and I just said oh ok! They didn't elaborate on the favour and I was in the playground taking my kids to school so a bit distracted and didn't ask.

I was looking forward to the summer holidays with my own 2 children ages 3 and 8, lazy mornings and doing what we want, now I feel sick! There is only 2 weeks left and they still haven't mentioned it to me! And surely they can't get anything else sorted now?! Also my husband works 10/11 hours a day and he leaves at 6:50am he won't want anyone round while he's getting ready for a long day at work! And lastly I don't even know their oldest I've met him once for maximum 1minute, their kids are different ages to my two so I can't see how it's going to work well.

Ahh I don't want to do this but I don't know what to do! Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
KittyVonCatsington · 03/07/2017 15:44

Ok fine if you have to go away the first week then il have to sort something out won't we!
Um. Judging by this line from her, she still expects you to childmind her kids for the rest of the holidays. Don't forget to make it clear you won't be doing that, OP!

AlmostAJillSandwich · 03/07/2017 15:44

"Well that's why you shouldn't assume things, you never actually asked and i'm not a mind reader so of course i've made my own plans. You can hardly make out i've let you down when the only day you ever asked for help was the first monday, and you did say "the occasional favour" over the holidays, not that you expected daily childcare, for free. That's not a reasonable request."

Hissy · 03/07/2017 15:45

Your reply

"Sorry, but your children and their childcare IS your responsibility, nobody else's.

You have not arranged anything with me, heck, you haven't even had the manners to actually ask me.

Had you asked me to be your unpaid childminder for the summer holidays of course I would have said no.

I'm disappointed let down tbh by your assumption that I'm at your beck and call.

rollonthesummer · 03/07/2017 15:45

Is she presuming you will have them the rest of the holidays?

I would say-'friends don't speak to each other like that. Your childcare is not my responsibility-I will now not be looking after your children that Monday or any other days in the holiday-please don't ask again.'

SoupDragon · 03/07/2017 15:45

Text back "If that is your attitude then it is best that I don't do Monday either. You should not have assumed I would be your free childcare"

Justhadmyhaircut · 03/07/2017 15:46

My 13 yo would disown me if I suggested he went to be minded at someone's house!!

Hidingtonothing · 03/07/2017 15:46

'You're hurt because you assumed something I never agreed to? That's ridiculous and you know it, think it would be better if I didn't have them on Monday and we'll just draw a line under this. I agreed to nothing specific and you had no right to assume I would.'

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 03/07/2017 15:46

I'd also be telling her to ram the Monday up her arse and that she's very rude and ungrateful. As if you became a SAHM to provide free childcare for other people's kids!

If Daniel is such a clever clogs maybe he can cope with getting himself up on a morning and getting him and his brother breakfast.

OP, repeat after me - this is NOT your problem, this is not your problem.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 03/07/2017 15:46

This is why you shouldn't suggest alternatives, just keep saying "I'm sure you can sort something out."

I would reply "I don't want to have a falling out over this and I'm very upset that you are swearing at me and trying to shift your responsibility for your children onto me. If you are going to yell and swear at me then it's best if I just do the first Monday. I can't take a whole summer of someone being horrible to me."

inlectorecumbit · 03/07/2017 15:46

And l suppose you were to wine and dine the DC's at your expense too. Breakfast and lunch !!!!
Just say No

Kinderbonbon · 03/07/2017 15:47

I have never heard anything like that before in my life...the cheeck !

MsMarvel · 03/07/2017 15:47

The mention of the 'first' week is ominous...

cafetea · 03/07/2017 15:47

reply - 'I am not looking after your kids. please do not contact me again.' She is a nasty piece of work and good that you found this out. Keep a wide berth and ignore her from now on.

KatharinaRosalie · 03/07/2017 15:48

Little 14-year old Daniel can sit on his OWN FUCKING SOFA then, being no trouble.

Ok fine if you have to go away the first week - what chancers! If you have to go away or want to go away or are not planning to go anywhere at all, does not matter the slightest. You do not owe them childcare!

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 03/07/2017 15:48

Also, a 14yo who can't be trusted to spend 4 hours on his own (don't they sleep til 10am anyway?!) does it sound like "he won't be a problem". Good for your kids too...Why would a 3yo girl want to spend time with a teenage boy?!

DancesWithOtters · 03/07/2017 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skyyequake · 03/07/2017 15:48

I think a simple "Actually, the world doesn't revolve around you." Would do here...

DancesWithOtters · 03/07/2017 15:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 03/07/2017 15:49

Holy shit! That escalated quickly.

Good reply, OP.

And all this because a 10 and 13 year old won't be left alone?

The world's gone mad.

Yvetteballs · 03/07/2017 15:49

Hidingtonothing's reply is brilliant. Use it. Hissy's is brilliant too.

RubyRoseRing · 03/07/2017 15:51

Is it possible one of the parents has told the other they asked you? And is now lying to their partner about checking with you weeks ago? Not that it's actually any more your problem anyway.

MsSusanStoHelit · 03/07/2017 15:52

Cheeky mare. Just text back, no, you didn't mention anything apart from that one Monday and that's all I can do. We won't be in,.

Don't apologise, don't give a reason why not, just say no and be clear that you won't be there to have them thrust at you.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 03/07/2017 15:52

Xpost! The further update of "the first week."

She wants you all summer OP.

She can go shit in her hat.

NOOOOOO.

famtastic · 03/07/2017 15:52

Sorry for delayed reply I had a phone call. Ok I've said

Friends also don't guilt trip friends. I have never agreed to any childcare, even the 17th was not confirmed till I have messaged you now. I have plans with my own children and family and I wouldn't of made a big commitment like that. I'm looking forward to the holidays with my kids and made lots of plans with them. Sorry apart from that Monday I can't help. Not even sure I should do that day now.

She put

I can't believe this you are unbelievable!

Then I got

You must be crazy to think this is fair on us! Do you not think it's selfish of you not to give a bit of your free time up! Il come round later and sort it out as I have to get back to my WORK.

Ok I'm so gobsmacked now I don't think il reply but link this post!

OP posts:
SapphireStrange · 03/07/2017 15:53

'OK, I am no longer available to you for childcare AT ALL, Monday included. Sort something else out. I'm blocking your number.'

She's a twat of the highest order.