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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends expecting me to look after kids, 6 week holidays.

999 replies

famtastic · 03/07/2017 08:44

I have just found out from another friend, that a couple I'm friendly with who live round the corner told her that I am having their children for them in the summer holidays. It would be 3/4 days a week 6:30am till 10:30am. So in theory we would still have the day after 10:30 to do what we want.

But I have not actually been asked by them! Or had days times mentioned to me. Literally all that was said to me back in may was "we may need the odd favour in the holidays" and I just said oh ok! They didn't elaborate on the favour and I was in the playground taking my kids to school so a bit distracted and didn't ask.

I was looking forward to the summer holidays with my own 2 children ages 3 and 8, lazy mornings and doing what we want, now I feel sick! There is only 2 weeks left and they still haven't mentioned it to me! And surely they can't get anything else sorted now?! Also my husband works 10/11 hours a day and he leaves at 6:50am he won't want anyone round while he's getting ready for a long day at work! And lastly I don't even know their oldest I've met him once for maximum 1minute, their kids are different ages to my two so I can't see how it's going to work well.

Ahh I don't want to do this but I don't know what to do! Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
livefornaps · 03/07/2017 15:20

Baaaahaha "known about it for weeks"...?

Just tell her you knew nothing of the sort and that if there's been a mix-up she should ask her husband.

Tell her that it's very insulting to reduce childcare to "sitting on the sofa" and that you are no longer available on the Monday as you don't appreciate being taken advantage of.

Do this now or come the Monday she will bring out an orchestra's worth of violins.

And then nothing more!!! Do not fuel the fire! Step away.

rollonthesummer · 03/07/2017 15:20

If this was me, I would refuse to do the Monday as they are such users!

ohtheholidays · 03/07/2017 15:20

No I can not change my plans and I haven't bloody known about it for weeks!Your Husband asked me if I could help out for the one Monday for 6.30 till 10.30 and I said I can help out for that one day for those hours.

So if your husband made a mistake that is upto you and him to sort out not me and if your tone continues in this manor then you will have to find someone else to look after them on the Monday as well!

Mulledwine1 · 03/07/2017 15:20

Just seen the update!

Go back and say "I agreed to do the Monday. I have not agreed any other days. I am away the rest of that week and have plans the rest of the holidays and I am not changing my plans""

That said, how rude of her. I think I'd actually go back and say" well if you're going to be that rude I won't help you at all!"

Still can't understand why two kids of that age need childcare.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 03/07/2017 15:20

This is exactly the response we thought you'd get.

Respond "Looking after your children is not my problem, it's yours. I agreed to mind them on the first day of the holidays as a favour to you. I'm not a child minder and never represented myself as one. You are misguided in that assumption. I can look after them on Monday only. Surely as you put it, they are old enough now and '...no big deal to sit on your own sofa for a few hours'?

becotide · 03/07/2017 15:20

YOu're going to capitulate unless you ride the adrenaline and lay it down now. YOU have not done anything to the,. THEY have done it to themselves and their children. They are seriously taking the piss

Hidingtonothing · 03/07/2017 15:21

Any reply needs to point out that you've agreed to nothing and express shock and incredulity that she would make such a massive assumption. People like this aim to catch you on the back foot and use your good manners against you in the hope that you will agree to their demands and not call them out on their sheer cheek. Don't let her get away with it, call her out immediately on the fact that you have never agreed to this and she had no right to assume you would. Big girl pants OP or you will get walked all over Flowers

Mulledwine1 · 03/07/2017 15:21

I think ohtheholidays put it better than I did :)

Questioningeverything · 03/07/2017 15:21

Oh and please don't let mumsnet delete this now! Or immediately open a new thread if they do, I simply must see what happens next! I've been waiting all day for this!

OwlinaTree · 03/07/2017 15:21

I'm on the edge of my seat here....

livefornaps · 03/07/2017 15:22

Seriously, don't do the Monday. They're living on another planet.

becotide · 03/07/2017 15:23

Famtastic ..... please

ElleMcElle · 03/07/2017 15:23

Don't delay your response - it will make you look persuadable. Text back straight away with a firm no. Eg - "No. That isn't the case - we have never discussed any day other than Monday. I kept Monday free as a favour to help you out and I can still look after your children on that day. But you will have to make other arrangements for the rest of the holiday."

Anatidae · 03/07/2017 15:23

No. Nothing was confirmed with me. The first I heard of this was via friend. I agreed to look after them Monday only 7-10:30 and I can do that. For long term care you need to find a Childminder.

SaneAsABoxOfFrogs · 03/07/2017 15:23

If anything, you should say you've already changed your plans to accommodate them by going away on the Tuesday, rather than the start of the week. You absolutely cannot change your plans again.

skyyequake · 03/07/2017 15:23

What Owlina said ^ I cant believe the cheeky fuckers!!!

ItsNachoCheese · 03/07/2017 15:23

No is your word of choice here

rainbowpie · 03/07/2017 15:23

Blatant place marking...Wine

WineAndTiramisu · 03/07/2017 15:24

Keep going famtastic, I'd text back"I don't remember any discussion with you, your DH asked me to do 4 hours on the first Monday and that's it, I'm not a childminder!"

SimonsPies · 03/07/2017 15:24

I hate them putting stuff on Facebook.

AdalindSchade · 03/07/2017 15:25

Bloody hell!
Hang them out to dry the rude baggages

KatharinaRosalie · 03/07/2017 15:25

They are doing Pisstaker Bingo - you've known, you confirmed, it's no big deal, how can you do this to us, such a short notice and now it's suddenly your problem to sort out.

Why can't the teenager and pre-teen sit on their own sofa for a couple of hours?

And still - not your problem!

WhatchaMaCalllit · 03/07/2017 15:25

Questioning - I don't think MN will delete this thread, just the link it posted up on Facebook to this thread...I hope so anyway. I'd hate for the good advice that the OP got to be gone because MN decided to post a link to it on FB...

MagentaRocks · 03/07/2017 15:25

What Elle said. Reply asap saying you had never agreed to it. It was a throwaway comment by her dh. Stand your ground.

Bumpsadaisie · 03/07/2017 15:25

As zammo said , just say no!