Friends expecting me to look after kids, 6 week holidays.

[famtastic]

I have just found out from another friend, that a couple I'm friendly with who live round the corner told her that I am having their children for them in the summer holidays. It would be 3/4 days a week 6:30am till 10:30am. So in theory we would still have the day after 10:30 to do what we want.

But I have not actually been asked by them! Or had days times mentioned to me. Literally all that was said to me back in may was "we may need the odd favour in the holidays" and I just said oh ok! They didn't elaborate on the favour and I was in the playground taking my kids to school so a bit distracted and didn't ask.

I was looking forward to the summer holidays with my own 2 children ages 3 and 8, lazy mornings and doing what we want, now I feel sick! There is only 2 weeks left and they still haven't mentioned it to me! And surely they can't get anything else sorted now?! Also my husband works 10/11 hours a day and he leaves at 6:50am he won't want anyone round while he's getting ready for a long day at work! And lastly I don't even know their oldest I've met him once for maximum 1minute, their kids are different ages to my two so I can't see how it's going to work well.

Ahh I don't want to do this but I don't know what to do! Am I being unreasonable??

Mumsnet what are you thinking of?? The poor woman

Omg. YOU DONT NEED AN EXCUSE!!!!!!

I'd put up a Facebook status saying Not long til 6 week summer break. Roadtrip time!

Bet they soon text you!

I don't get why you are burying your head in the sand? I'd just get it sorted today otherwise it would be left festering. I am surprised someone with anxiety would cause themselves more anxiety!!

The only thing that puts me off saying anything is they will spend the next 2 weeks guilt tripping me and saying how suck they are.

The only response to this is "I'm sure you'll work something out. Have a look for a childminder or a nanny because you need to make more concrete arrangements than hoping that friends and neighbours are available every day that you work, anyhow."

I didn't realise mumsnet shared posts. That could be awkward!

I have to be honest - it sounds like they are deliberately leaving the conversation with you until the last minute, so there is no other way they can get (free) childcare. These people need it explained that their kids are their own responsibility. I hate piss-takers like this! Good on you for arranging other things!

You're too nice OP, you don't need to make plans to avoid this situation, just tell them to jeff off if they turn up at stupid o clock.

Maybe 2/3 mornings is acceptable but anymore than that is taking the mickey! Childcare is expensive yes... but no way would I expect a friend to look after my kids for the whole summer!! Not for free anyway

The fear they will guilt you is why you need to deal with it in advance! A text means you can get it confirmed not face to face. When you do see them, "I'm sure you'll sort something."

Or just ignore the door, they'll get the message, if you don't work, why would you and the kids even be out of bed at that time. Twats.

Them having no childcare is their problem. Don't let them turn it in to your problem. They have known when the summer holidays are for months but have chosen not to sort out paid childcare.
"no sorry it's not convenient"
They may take a huff but you are better without people like this in your life.

Just read your update, in your shoes I would ask MN to delete thread as its potentially very identifying!!!!

They are pisstakers so take the piss out of them. Put a note through their door thanking them for agreeing to look after your kids every day of the holidays from stupid o'clock to whenever.

Seriously I think your mutual friend is having laugh with them at your expense so don't rise to it for a moment.

You're going away on Tuesday anyway so problem solved.

oh and yes, they aren't asking you in advance, because they hope that the lack of any other option will push you into agreeing !

Text today. Get the number from the friend who did childcare for them before. Then you know they have time to sort out something else. If they chose not to, that's not your fault.

If you wait until one of them is on your doorstep at 6:30am saying "but we thought you'd agreed and I need to go to work in half an hour!" you'll feel you have no choice but to say yes.

Give them 'fair warning' and then you can relax.

Definitely just say no! Totally cheeky and entitled behaviour on the part of these parents.

Yes I have asked them to delete it as it was personal that's why I asked in here lol! Not sure if I have asked right though. Can't believe it's been shared on Facebook

Thank you all for your help

OP, you still sound a bit wobbly tbh. I can do see you giving in to this.

I know a family who are a bit like this - nice enough people but massive piss takers when it comes to childcare. You have to recognise that there are some people in life that you cannot do occasional favours for because they use it to worm their way in and make their children your responsibility. A tough stance is the only way.

I am a sahp and tbh I don't come across many piss takers. Most people hate asking others for favours. Unless I just give out 'don't even think about it' vibes
Seriously though, you are at home for your children's benefit, not so they can go to work and use you for cheap/free labour

YABU to start a thread about something that's just based on hearsay! I can't believe how worked up you're getting about a he said/she said bit of tittle tattle. Just because someone has told you this, doesn't mean it's (a) true or (b) ever going to happen. Even if you were approached by said family, it's clearly a piss take so just say no! You're the lead actor in your own life show, no one's got a gun to your head, so there is zero reason for all this fuss. IT'S NOT HAPPENING. The end.

Stop thinking you need to offer excuses. You don't, and it will actually encourage them. It suggests that you would like to help them, but have to visit family, decorate or whatever.

Just say Sorry, I can't do that. Unless you really want to. And no to a 6.30 start in any circumstances.

Nooo if you say you're decorating they'll just say their DC won't mind and won't be in the way. Going away yourself is totally OTT.

They have only asked for one morning so far. The rest is just conjecture. Talk to them!!

Update**

I have txt to ask about times the Monday. And it is 7am till 2. I said I had kept it free for them but thought I best double check they do still need me. She said it's all that week as confirmed

Agree that you don't need to make excuses. It makes you look weak - like you think you should be doing this really.
I would treat a request like this as if it was so preposterous a suggestion that I can't believe they are actually serious. So for me it would be an outright no and a straightforward 'I don't want to look after someone else's dc every day'.
Like everyone said, this isn't your problem.

And you said 'no, I can only do Monday.'

Reply immediately to say 'No way! Monday only. Can't believe you thought I'd do all week.'