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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends expecting me to look after kids, 6 week holidays.

999 replies

famtastic · 03/07/2017 08:44

I have just found out from another friend, that a couple I'm friendly with who live round the corner told her that I am having their children for them in the summer holidays. It would be 3/4 days a week 6:30am till 10:30am. So in theory we would still have the day after 10:30 to do what we want.

But I have not actually been asked by them! Or had days times mentioned to me. Literally all that was said to me back in may was "we may need the odd favour in the holidays" and I just said oh ok! They didn't elaborate on the favour and I was in the playground taking my kids to school so a bit distracted and didn't ask.

I was looking forward to the summer holidays with my own 2 children ages 3 and 8, lazy mornings and doing what we want, now I feel sick! There is only 2 weeks left and they still haven't mentioned it to me! And surely they can't get anything else sorted now?! Also my husband works 10/11 hours a day and he leaves at 6:50am he won't want anyone round while he's getting ready for a long day at work! And lastly I don't even know their oldest I've met him once for maximum 1minute, their kids are different ages to my two so I can't see how it's going to work well.

Ahh I don't want to do this but I don't know what to do! Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
RuggerHug · 03/07/2017 13:00

OP just be sure to warn mutual friend not to mention it at all. If pisstakers know she has mentioned it to you and they haven't heard a 'get to fuck' coming from you they may say 'but why would we think it was a problem, you knew about it and said nothing'.
They would be completely wrong but just so this is not sprung on you that way. Good luck!

Benedikte2 · 03/07/2017 13:01

OP I know you feel you agreed to the first Monday but no times were agreed. Forget about the rest of the holidays -- just ask what time to expect children on Monday. Then say 6:30 isn't possible on account of your DH. You thought it would be a couple of hours mid morning and you can't possible do the hours they want.
They will then know that you can't take then 6:30 on any morning.
Then if they mention any other days you just say, no sorry, it's not possible.
At the worst you'll just have to have them a couple of hours on Monday.
They were hoping to pick the DC up on Monday and say, see you tomorrow, then etc Never intended to make an arrangement for the entire holidays as they would expect any reasonable person to say NO.

MyOtherProfile · 03/07/2017 13:03

Some people are so cheeky! If I was you I'd contact them or you will be woken at 6
30 on the Monday!

WeAllHaveWings · 03/07/2017 13:03

Forgot you are probably in England and school are still in. Send text now and follow up at 3. Be prepared and just say, sorry we've got plans most days, if they ask for lots of days say no, its our summer holidays and Im looking forward to spending it going out and doing things with my dc not minding kids! let me know if there are occasional dates/times you are stuck and I can maybe help out but will need to check and will get back to you quickly, but don't count on me being available.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 03/07/2017 13:03

Famtastic - just seeing your update at 12:50. I think that is a perfectly workable solution. Except you don't kneed to tell them that you're going away or what your plans are for your school holidays. They don't offer the same level of information to you so you have to stop over-offering information to them. You have it perfectly where you say "Sorry, I'm booked up now". Then you have no requirement to offer them any more information as to how you're now booked up or anything else in relation to your time.

Best of luck to you on this! There are a lot of MNetters who are hoping that you're able to step up and say no. Wink

useristired · 03/07/2017 13:04

I think you need to nip it in the bud or they will just turn up.
Put your children first and say no.
I can't work out how anyone gets talked into helping people like this.
No is a complete sentence.

Spadequeen · 03/07/2017 13:05

Why ask for advice if you are not going to listen to it?

If you stop this now, this stops you from feeling anxious about it all and let's talk them know now that you will not be looking after their children. If you leave it, you will be made to look unreasonable as you do know about it.

Stop dicking around and deal with it now or you are just as bad as them.

BeepBeepMOVE · 03/07/2017 13:06

I would laugh when asked and just say why on earth would a 10 and 13 yo need babysitting. They must be joking etc.

Absolutely ridiculous!

You have plans, your plans are to relax and enjoy the holidays just get up at 6 everyday to look after teenagers perfectly capable of being home alone for a few hours.

FetchezLaVache · 03/07/2017 13:08

I am with those who think you need to get this headed off at the pass now, for your own peace of mind, OP. Can you talk to one or the other of the parents at afternoon pick-up? If you're not brave enough to refer directly to what your friend told you, asking for clarification for the Monday you have provisionally agreed to could be a good way in.

(Looking after the kids that Monday more than repays the times they helped you out when your younger child was poorly, IMO.)

Original poster
famtastic · 03/07/2017 13:09

I am taking everyone's advice on board not dicking aboutHmmthe reason I asked as I wanted to check I wasn't being unreasonable to be annoyed by all this, and in my rights to say no. Lol!

Really appreciate everyone taking the time to tell me how they would deal with this. X

OP posts:
livefornaps · 03/07/2017 13:11

Personally I wouldn't even do the Monday, and I wouldn't even wait for them to bring it up.

If they bring it up you'll be put on the spot and knowing these cheeky blighters they'll get you to change your mind.

At least with a pre-emptive strike, everyone is on the same page! And as pp say, who knows what the hell they're thinking, they may well think you are fully briefed and ready to go. I think by saying nothing you're prolonging this unnecessarily.

But hey ho.

Anatidae · 03/07/2017 13:12

Thing is, if she dumps two kids on you on Monday morning and starts crying that she's going to lose her job unless you take them, you're going to cave.

A calm, unemotional text/chat with today sorts it and stops you worrying

Oldbutstillgotit · 03/07/2017 13:13

The cheek of some people never fails to amaze me. I have taken 3 weeks leave to look after DGS over the summer and one of DD's friends suggested that I could also take her 4 ( yes 4)DC to save her on childcare. She was astounded and annoyed when I said no !

Whitney168 · 03/07/2017 13:13

OP, this is clearly not a 'friend' as you don't even have their phone number. Don't let them ride roughshod over you - and I fear that if you don't deal with this and give them time to sort something else, you won't have the tools to bat it off when it inevitably happens. Put a stop to it now, and save yourself a couple of weeks of worry.

WildIrishRose1 · 03/07/2017 13:14

OP, the wine story ALONE would have set alarm bells ringing! You'd be better off sorting this now. Then they'll have the chance to ask another mug make alternative arrangements.

ginnystonic · 03/07/2017 13:14

You really don't need to explain why you can't help with regular childcare, you don't need an excuse.

They are completely unreasonable expecting you to do so much regular childcare, without actually even discussing it with you.

I'd send a firm yet friendly text outlining exactly how much help you can offer (e.g. I can have the kids 1 morning a week)

These people do not sound like friends, just neighbours, they are trying to take the piss.

Ceto · 03/07/2017 13:16

Surely you need to sort out what time they need you to have the kids on Monday? Won't that give you a chance to say something about the 6.30 proposal?

Ceto · 03/07/2017 13:17

We went to a body shop party once and this "friend" had no money so I bought 2 bottles of wine one for host and one to share, she left after an hour and took my bottle of wine home with her lol!!!

I would have asked her for half the cost of the wine. Did you, OP?

CheesesOfNazereth · 03/07/2017 13:17

Surely all you have to do is not answer the door at 6.30am on a Monday?
It's not difficult.

Original poster
famtastic · 03/07/2017 13:17

I won't see them today but I will tomorrow. The only thing that puts me off saying anything is they will spend the next 2 weeks guilt tripping me and saying how suck they are. until I cave in, and I think I would do. Where as if I just drop hints about how busy I am and how much I'm looking forward to the holidays. Il get a 'don't forget you are helping us' as my friend gets this from them. Then I can dismiss it as they brought it up? If I try and bring it up I think il over explain myself etc, but if they are outright cheeky and expectant to my face I think it will annoy me into a no.

OP posts:
SandyDenny · 03/07/2017 13:18

So think il just be shocked when they do bring it up, and say I don't remember arranging anything other than the one day you asked?

No, don't say that, it's not that you don't remember, you were never asked and can't do it. Saying you don't remember indicates to her that it's somehow your fault

Hazandduck · 03/07/2017 13:19

Good luck OP. I get really nervous standing up to people too, especially those pushy characters in life who aren't afraid to just take what they want. I end up feeling resentment and it all comes out in an irrational outburst usually! Hope it goes well :) You know you have about a zillion mumsnetters to back you up!

livefornaps · 03/07/2017 13:20

Why are people still suggesting she does stuff for them?! Do nothing for them! Whatever you do, even if you did do the Monday, it will never make it "even" in their books - they're unreasonable people. Save yourself the hassle and don't do any free childcare at all. So they walked your kid home a couple of times - so what?! They're never going to say "thanks for that Monday, now we're fair and square we'll see you in September".

There's only one course of action with these types of people: run a mile!!!

LionsOnTour · 03/07/2017 13:20

Send a Text

ohh, I've just had an interesting conversation with XXXX (mutual friend) and just wanted to check something with you. Friend mentioned that you had told her that I'd be watching your kids a few day a week over the summer. Im sure she must have misunderstood but I thought I'd double check with you. 🤔 The thought of looking after my own DC for the summer is bad enough, I definitely don't want any extras!!! 😂

Perhaps you could finish the text with a few normal chatty comments about meeting up for a coffee or the weather or something g similar.

HappyFeetAgain · 03/07/2017 13:20

You really are making it into an unnecessary drama aren't you. A simple no would be fine but you are intent on creating more anxiety for yourself.

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