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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you don't talk names with people before the baby is born??

143 replies

PoppyPopcorn · 02/07/2017 16:51

SO many threads on here and other forums about people inlaws, parents or friends criticising names people have chosen for their baby - because they are openly discussing these names before the baby is born.

Why do people even HAVE these discussion? Common sense to keep the discussions between you and your other half, surely? Of course MIL is going to chip in that your chosen name is ridiculous, and say you should be calling him/her after some distant relative. Or someone in the family will have known someone else with that name and they were awful.

Just keep your gob shut until baby here, announce the name, nobody with an ounce of common sense would say anything. Job done.

OP posts:
ADuckNamedSplash · 02/07/2017 16:58

YANBU. I'm 7 months pregnant - DH and I have had a name picked out for 2 months now and nobody but the two of us knows it, for exactly that reason. It's my DM's first grandchild and not knowing the name is driving her crazy, but I know very well that her taste in names is quite different to mine and that she will voice her opinion if she finds out the name before the baby is here!

FuckyDuck · 02/07/2017 16:59

YANBU - drives me crackers

PinkHeart5911 · 02/07/2017 17:02

YANBU. I don't understand telling the whole family and sue you see twice a year before the baby is born.

You pick a name and only announce once baby is born. Unless someone is a very rude individual they will not say anything about the name if you announce that way.

Original poster
PoppyPopcorn · 02/07/2017 17:13

Some people also seem to think that they have to find a name which the entire family loves - so threads about 6 week old baby without a name because granny objects to an everyday name like George because she once met a George on holiday and he looked at her funny.

Just pick a name and announce it.

OP posts:
ethelfleda · 02/07/2017 17:19

I agree to a point... We have a name picked out and haven't told anyone what it is (And won't until baby is here in November) for this reason. But I wouldn't criticise other people for telling if that's what they want to do.
Although sometime you can't bloody win in this circumstance - my mom has already had a go at me for saying the name is a surprise and I won't tell her. I think she thinks she should get preferential treatment with it being her first grandchild and everything... little does she know that she is main reason we aren't telling anyone! As whatever I tell her it is she will moan!!

sassylocks · 02/07/2017 17:19

YANBU at all- I really don't get why people moan that someone isn't in love with the name they've chosen... why discuss it?! I do however understand that it's pretty nobbish when certain relatives still tell you they don't like the name when you announce it! MIL was very put out when I eventually lost my shit with her when she wanted to tell me all the names she'd picked! Grin gotta love those preggy hormones!!

sassylocks · 02/07/2017 17:21

To clarify I think it's harsh for people to openly comment negatively when you announce the name once baby is here!!

SheSaidHeSaid · 02/07/2017 17:24

I agree that it's usually foolish to discuss names before the baby has arrived but I can see why some people do - they're excited and just don't think.

OlennasWimple · 02/07/2017 17:24

YANBU

Mandraki · 02/07/2017 17:24

I don't see the problem. Our baby girl is due in October and we've got a name picked out, various people know it, various people (including us) are using it already. One or two people have turned their noses up at it (though most say they like it), at the end of the day she's our daughter and we like the name so it wouldn't make a jot of difference if people decide they don't like it, they don't have to like it, will still be calling her that name. Also like that it gives us time to get used to the name, we really like it.

BenLui · 02/07/2017 17:25

I agree that it's best to stay quiet but the reason people tell is because so many people ask.

We picked our names before we even got pregnant but didn't tell anyone until after the birth.

I suspect MIL wouldn't have personally have picked DS's name but as it was already fait accompli she sensibly made no comment.

LittleBooInABox · 02/07/2017 17:30

Or...

You could announce a name like Princess Flumfbottom The Third, then wait and watch until baby is born.

Screwinthetuna · 02/07/2017 17:32

YABU...I named one of mine at 5 weeks Grin Thankfully, I was right about the gender! Nobody had the cheek to insult the names I picked as they were already named to me, if that makes sense!

Snoopysimaginaryfriend · 02/07/2017 17:34

Yanbu in that it's your opinion and that's great if that's what works for you and your DP but I really don't see the harm in discussing names with your family.

DH and I discussed dd1s name with our family and we are discussing dd2's name now. It's nice to have different ideas and hear different stories behind names. Ultimately though we made it clear the decision is ours.

If anything this time around we might have to have a vote because we cannot narrow the list down!

BertrandRussell · 02/07/2017 17:34

Well, you can do that. Or you can discuss it with friends and family because it's fun and everyone's happy and excited about the baby and love being involved. You still choose the names you want, obviously.

BertrandRussell · 02/07/2017 17:34

But I'm aware tht goes against the "my little family" narrative.

SloeGinRocks · 02/07/2017 17:38

When I was pregnant with DC1, my best friend (who I have known almost all of my life and is usually one of the most thoughtful, kind, sensitive people) asked me what names we liked. Then when she'd heard the couple we had managed to agree on completely slated of them saying "think about what you're going to sound like calling that out in the park. You don't want to sound like a middle class wanker!" Confused

I stopped sharing baby names after than Hmm

Original poster
PoppyPopcorn · 02/07/2017 17:38

I agree that it's best to stay quiet but the reason people tell is because so many people ask.

True, but easily deflected. "Have you chosen a name yet?" Reply: we've a few on the shortlist. Or, not yet, we're still working on it. Or something similar.

OP posts:
TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 02/07/2017 17:40

Depends on what your family and friends are like I suppose. I decided my sons name right after the scan where I found out his sex and just turned to my mum and said it. But my mums fairly normal (note the "fairly" Grin) and just said "Oh that's lovely". Even if she'd hated it she would've probably given the same response but with an awkward look on her face.

If she (or anyone else) had said something bad or tried to offer alternatives then I would have just said not your baby not your choice. It wouldn't have upset me or put me off the name (which seems to be quite unpopular on here).

Whatsername17 · 02/07/2017 17:40

We had a name picked out from 16 weeks. Didn't stop everyone else constantly saying 'what about this name?' 'I like that name, don't you?' Our response was consistent - we have a name picked out, thanks. We will tell you when she arrives. That just led to 'is it this name?' 'I bet it's that name!'.

Anditstartsagain · 02/07/2017 17:40

I told everyone who asked both our boys names but nothing and no one could have put me off or upset me if you care what others think then it's better a secret.

IMO telling people you know the name but won't tell is the worst idea then people are desperate to know and guess suggest anyway it's better just to say you haven't decided but will keep their suggestion in mind.

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 02/07/2017 17:46

My mum told my great aunt and family she named my brother "Duncan" (mainly because it was GAunts most hated name at the time). GAunts reaction in particular was priceless! She kept it up until he was 6 weeks old Grin

weasledee · 02/07/2017 17:49

Slightly off topic but my friends SIL signed Xmas cards from her, husband and unborn child's name!!! Which I thought was ridiculous and would be awful if something bad happened.....

MrsEricBana · 02/07/2017 17:49

I think it can help people point out obvious issues that you may not have thought of, e.g. my mum wanted to call me a particular name, mentioned it to a GP friend who told her its the proper name for a horrible ailment. I was then given a v dull name - the original name may have been more fun! On the flip side, my parents put us off a name for dd that I still think would have been good and I know my PILs don't like ds's name because they said "It sounds like the name of an old bloke at the bowls club". Great.

Batteriesallgone · 02/07/2017 17:53

We've always told well in advance of the birth. I want to know people's honest opinions not have a fake smile and them go away saying 'oh you won't believe...' Also I quite like the idea of giving them a name everyone likes and the in laws aren't embarrassed about calling out in a shopping centre Grin

Everyone's different, but I'm a lot less emotionally all over the place during pregnancy than in the weeks after birth. If I can't handle people not liking the name when pregnant I'd be guaranteed to be in pieces if it happened when the baby was a couple of weeks old.

FIL was a bit shitty about one of our kids names but I told him his reasons were petty and he accepted it in good grace Grin (because they were and he knew it)

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