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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think you don't talk names with people before the baby is born??

143 replies

PoppyPopcorn · 02/07/2017 16:51

SO many threads on here and other forums about people inlaws, parents or friends criticising names people have chosen for their baby - because they are openly discussing these names before the baby is born.

Why do people even HAVE these discussion? Common sense to keep the discussions between you and your other half, surely? Of course MIL is going to chip in that your chosen name is ridiculous, and say you should be calling him/her after some distant relative. Or someone in the family will have known someone else with that name and they were awful.

Just keep your gob shut until baby here, announce the name, nobody with an ounce of common sense would say anything. Job done.

OP posts:

EssentialHummus · 03/07/2017 07:27

I'm firmly in the "telling = inviting opinion" camp. We haven't bloody decided yet, because DH, and I don't need other people weighing in.

The other thing I'm getting a lot is telling people that we're looking for a name that works in our two cultures and in the UK, and people throwing out the first random semi-suitable name they can think of, then staring at me waiting for me to acknowledge their brilliance. Yes, Deborah is a Jewish name. Well done you.

AtHomeDadGlos · 03/07/2017 07:28

Problem is that some people pick out bloody stupid names. I know one named after their parents' favourite brand of sunglasses. I kid you not.

AtHomeDadGlos · 03/07/2017 07:32

I'll add that we told friends our two choices for our daughter's name before she was born and we had 'that's our name! Only thing was, she wasn't pregnant...

SloeGinRocks · 03/07/2017 07:47

A friend told someone else who was also pg her chosen names. This other person gave birth a couple of weeks before her & nicked BOTH names! My mate was so upset and hormonal & couldn't think of another name until right after the delivery, when she decided on what I will say is a quite an unusual name. It's one of those names that people say "really? Is that the child's actual name??" Def best not to tell anyone IMO

Batteriesallgone · 03/07/2017 07:48

I agree don't tell other pregnant people your name if you'd mine them using it. Too risky.

glitterglitters · 03/07/2017 07:55

We haven't told anybody ours. At the end of the day wrinkled noses and comments are a lot harder to make when you're insulting a "person" rather than an abstract name.

I'd never dream of insulting or turning up my nose at someone's name choices to their face.

CaveMum · 03/07/2017 07:57

I know someone who signed her Christmas cards from her, her husband and baby's name even though baby wasn't due until the following February.

Call me superstitious but that's just too much for me.

Thisisouting · 03/07/2017 08:01

We told close family our name and no one else but if anyone had objected we wouldn't have changed it.

It's ridiculous just name your baby what you want

BenguinsMummy · 03/07/2017 08:09

My mil went apoplectic when I refused to name Benguin after FIL... he's nearly 5 now and she's still not over it....

ethelfleda · 03/07/2017 08:13

And people will definitely get used to it! My BIL and his other half kept their name a secret (I wouldn't have offered my opinion if they didn't to be honest though as none of my business!)
When he was born, they announced his name and I thought it was a very odd one and hadnt really heard it before and dare I say didn't really like it. But again said nothing. I now love his name as I think of my cheeky but very cute little nephew when I think of it

TestTubeTeen · 03/07/2017 08:15

YANBU OP.
Didn't breathe a word about our chosen name.
We did generally ask if anyone had ideas, but never gave out our choice before the birth.

fassbendersmistress · 03/07/2017 08:26

YANBU - we didn't tell anyone DDs name. It's gender neutral, more on the masculine side and I knew eyebrows would be raised. They were but by then she was here, named and I really didn't care. Also, DM was heavily hinting at using her name (a very long one, un-pronounceable outside of country of origin). DM and I have history and there's no way DD was getting it even as a middle name, even tho she will be my DMs last grandchild so her last chance to foist the name on some poor child. She didn't contact me for 3 weeks after DD was born and I told her the name....she would have made life unbearable if I'd announced it earlier.

Berthatydfil · 03/07/2017 09:09

Totally agree.

Hollyhop17 · 03/07/2017 09:17

Depends how thick your skin is I suppose. We knew our names before we got pregnant and I have had no problems telling people what it is. I would never change it or care if people didnt like it.

I completely appreciate people wanting to keep the name secret, but for me pereonally I don't see the point. Perhaps I'm lucky that I don't have anyone in my life who would steal a name!

LexieLulu · 03/07/2017 09:18

I was going to call my first George, then the royal baby was born so I decided against it. I told my parents that I was gutted about it. My mums response was that George was a horrible boring name, and my dad said he'd only ever met one George and he didn't like him.

From that point I said I was not talking baby name as we obviously had different tastes. They'd already had their chance to pick names so why should they dictate my choice

littlelolo · 03/07/2017 09:31

I discussed a favourite boy name with a very close work friend, not knowing that she was pregnant at the time. I remember her saying "oh wow I love that name, that's so cute" I then sadly had a late miscarriage and when I came back to work her pregnancy was public by then... someone asked if she had an idea on names and she then said well we've now added this one to the list... that was the name I had picked for a boy. She knew it was the name I picked because I talked about it all the time, she was also desperate for a boy and I was so hurt that now my baby was gone she felt it was fine to use it! Luckily she gave birth to a girl and I did end up using my favourite boy name

Orangebird69 · 03/07/2017 09:32

Yanbu op. We were team yellow. We had sort of agreed on a boy's name and girl's name. But I wasn't particularly interested in anyone's opinions on our choices so they weren't discussed.

iamreginaphalange · 03/07/2017 09:32

Yep same here!
Not telling anyone.
I hate nosy people!

Lana1234 · 03/07/2017 09:46

YANBU. Just wish I'd followed this advise all along. FTP and every name I've discussed with family has been shot down and it's made me feel a bit shit and taken away a bit of excitement. Then got everyone chirping in what names they like instead so now me an my partner have decided on one we both like and won't announce it until he's here

BertrandRussell · 03/07/2017 09:54

So sad that people think wanting to share a happy time is being nosy.......

Orangebird69 · 03/07/2017 10:00

Sharing a happy time is not nosy Bertrand, but asking questions about potential names and giving an unsolicited opinion isnt on either.

ClaraLane · 03/07/2017 10:06

Our first baby is due at the end of the month and we've managed to keep her name secret. My Nan knows it's one that we were considering but doesn't know we've decided on it 100%. When I get asked if we've chosen a name I say we have a shortlist and we'll pick one when she's here. I then change the subject by talking about the names we both liked but haven't gone for and that seems to be enough to distract people!

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 03/07/2017 10:12

The thing is if the parents are agreeing on the name and love the names chosen then thats all that matters , we have names picked out we love them if others dont then its tough they dont have a say they already named there children now its our turn , when my oldest was born a co worker said ugh what have you named him that for i breezily answered i dont like your childrens names either but im not so rude as to say so

dontcallmelen · 03/07/2017 10:19

My dd didn't know what sex she was expecting, we had a lot of fun chipping in ideas for names, some lovely some completely off the wall.
Ultimately it was her & her dh's decision & secretly I prefer a couple of the other names that they toyed with, rather than the one they settled on BUT I would never ever voice that opinion.
Makes me a little sad that people don't feel able if they want too discuss/share name choices with close family due to some having cats bum faces.
For me it was part of the fun & feeling included in such a wonderful event, but it's horses for courses & every family dynamic is different.

Herbpatch · 03/07/2017 10:20

So sad that people think wanting to share a happy time is being nosy.......

It's perfectly possible to enjoy someone's pregnancy without badgering them with questions about what the baby will be called and then saying 'Scarlett? Sounds like a pole-dancer! Why don't you call her Barbara after me?' once the parents-to-be are rash enough to say.

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