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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think you don't talk names with people before the baby is born??

143 replies

PoppyPopcorn · 02/07/2017 16:51

SO many threads on here and other forums about people inlaws, parents or friends criticising names people have chosen for their baby - because they are openly discussing these names before the baby is born.

Why do people even HAVE these discussion? Common sense to keep the discussions between you and your other half, surely? Of course MIL is going to chip in that your chosen name is ridiculous, and say you should be calling him/her after some distant relative. Or someone in the family will have known someone else with that name and they were awful.

Just keep your gob shut until baby here, announce the name, nobody with an ounce of common sense would say anything. Job done.

OP posts:

Blondebombsite83 · 04/07/2017 20:53

We knew our name before I was pregnant but we told no one. I'm too superstitious about that sort of stuff. The bump was called Tyson for 9 months. Everyone referred to him as such.
Revealing the name after the birth is part of the fun for me.

Cookie37 · 04/07/2017 20:53

We have 2 kids and knew what sex they were before they were born but lied to everyone who asked and said we didn't know. We would NEVER have told anyone either the sex or the name possibilities. We thought it was important to keep something to ourselves and definitely didn't want anyone else's input on choice of names for our children. We weren't nasty about it - just deflected questions. Why does everyone want to know everything and have a say about it all ? So annoying !

rackelle · 04/07/2017 21:02

WOW you know some rude people! Who the hell out of your family and friends would criticise your name choices?! We told ours the names we had chosen for boy and girl and not one person said anything negative! Sure am glad I don't know you!!

Bluesrunthegame · 04/07/2017 21:05

I'd decided on what I'd call a son when I was 11 years old and was quite happy to tell anyone who asked when I was pregnant. Luckily OH was on board with the name! He got some input into the middle names. With dd, I suggested her name as a joke and OH said 'yes, perfect, that's the name', so we went with it and again told anyone who asked, it was part of the fun. We didn't know what sex our babies were before they were born, but had the names lined up. I didn't get any unpleasant comments, even though DS2's name was quite unusual when he was born. Choosing the names was great, we had some interesting conversations. Can't imagine anyone criticising name choices, seems very rude.

momof5Susan · 04/07/2017 21:27

I think that it is rude of people to tell you that they don't like a name you have chosen for your child. I have 5 kids, and 2 grandchildren now and I defend the names of my grandkids if anyone says anything. I love them and even if the names are different from names I would have chosen myself, I have never voiced any criticism to my kids for the names they chose. You also need to be accepting that they are their kids, so they get to choose their names. I think it is unkind and mean for people to make negative comments if they don't like a particular name and should keep their comments to themselves. I love my grandchildren very much and the names they have are who they are to me now, and I couldn't imagine them with different names now =)

Isadorabubble · 04/07/2017 23:25

I referred to my baby by his name before he was born. Other people's opinions didn't make me change my mind.

Purplealienpuke · 05/07/2017 06:28

I think I was lucky with when choosing a name for dd that nobody apart from my ex & I had a say. My dm wouldn't have dreamed of it! We did discover the first girls name we thought about had been used already in the family so chose a different one. Our choice though.
When dgd was expected I did discuss names with dd as she asked me to. She was stuck for suggestions. Ultimately she went with a name she chose & it suits dgd!

DaveGrohlsMrs · 05/07/2017 10:11

We didn't tell ANYBODY our name choices until after our daughters were born. People would ask if we had names chosen and we just said yes and left it at that. Nobody's business but ours. My mum told me later that it took her a while to get used to our first daughter's name but now she loves it as it suits her. So glad we didn't tell her beforehand or we may have been talked out of it.

Ladylisa · 05/07/2017 12:55

"Have you chosen a name yet"

No, we'll name it when it's here and see what suits it ( I'm not a fan of finding out the sex before birth, takes away the whole surprise and anticipation of pregnancy)

K425 · 05/07/2017 15:03

Actual conversations we had:
"Do you know what you're having?"
"DH wants a greyhound but I'm hoping for a kitten. Apparently we have to have a baby though."

"Have you got any names?"
"We thought Orestes for a boy, and Clytemnestra for a girl."
"You can't call a girl Clytemnestra, she'll be called Clit for short!"

Obviously Orestes and Clit Clytemnestra weren't actually on the list, but they came in very handy for smoking out the people who thought we were serious, and the people who'd got some understanding of Greek mythology (or at least the Trojan War).

greenritta · 05/07/2017 17:05

There's a french movie about that, where the guy keeps saying he wants to call his son Adolf and everybody goes apeshit about it haha

DarkLikeVader · 05/07/2017 20:51

I made the mistake of sharing my possible names during my first pregnancy. My sister was rudest about the names so thereafter I just said Mungo for a boy or Euphemia for a girl (apologies to any Mungos or Euphemias out there). DSis still managed to be rude about DDs name once DD was born though. With my second pregnancy I just said baby would be Ultra George whether boy or girl - when DS was born my sister was rude about his name anyway Greenritta - I did tell Dsis after DS was born that his name was Adolf and she believed me for one moment

Notso · 05/07/2017 21:32

I liked knowing people's real thoughts on our chosen names. DD hated DC3's name she kept texting me while I was in hospital saying call him X not Y. My Mum and sister really hated DC4's name.

I'd never be swayed by people's reactions to names I loved, unless they pointed out something like a clash with surname etc.

I hate when expectant couples make a big fuss we know but we're not telling as though everyone is holding their breath waiting to find out.

user1497357411 · 05/07/2017 21:36

If you tell people the name before the baby is born, they think you ask for their opinion (you so don't). If it is after the baby is born, it is an introduction : "And meet our son, George".

TroubleinDaFamily · 05/07/2017 21:46

Very close to the due date we threw the two names out there, the only one with a opinion was my mother (quelle surprise).

I said I wasn't asking for your opinion.

You asked, I told you, I didn't seek approval.

She soon zipped it.

Oysterbabe · 05/07/2017 21:57

We didn't discuss names on our list the first time and won't this time. There's always someone who's like "Oh that's my neighbour's dog's name". DM definitely doesn't like DD's name. She didn't say that as such but spent the first year telling me it's growing on her.

milliemolliemou · 05/07/2017 22:27

If you want a lovey family discussion with lots of advice and find it fun, then send them a list.

Surely otherwise you just keep stum. I had no idea what my sex my DCs might be. So had a brief list. Named one DC XYZ - DH disliked X so registered DC as ZYX. DC is now liking X - but can always change.

justilou · 06/07/2017 05:47

Greenritta- my dad grew up in a country town in Australia and was born at the beginning of WW2. He went to school with the identical twin sons of the mayor who were named Adolph and Winston. Talk about keeping your bases covered!!!

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