to think you don't talk names with people before the baby is born??

[PoppyPopcorn]

SO many threads on here and other forums about people inlaws, parents or friends criticising names people have chosen for their baby - because they are openly discussing these names before the baby is born.

Why do people even HAVE these discussion? Common sense to keep the discussions between you and your other half, surely? Of course MIL is going to chip in that your chosen name is ridiculous, and say you should be calling him/her after some distant relative. Or someone in the family will have known someone else with that name and they were awful.

Just keep your gob shut until baby here, announce the name, nobody with an ounce of common sense would say anything. Job done.

[littlelolo]

@Mymouthgetsmeintrouble I don't like your children's names either but I'm not so rude as to say so haha amazing!!!!!!

[ethelfleda]

So sad that people think wanting to share a happy time is being nosy.......

I think this depends on the sort of people that surround you and what your family dynamic is like. Certain people can be lovely and supportive and genuinely are excited for you and enjoy discussing it. Others are more selfish and think it's their right to have a say in what name you pick (as well as everything else of course!) I have a mixture of both in my life so I would rather just keep these things to myself.

[LexieLulu]

My MIL really gutted me when I was pregnant with my daughter. She's not the normal MN MIL, she's usually fab.

When my husband stupidly told his brother our baby name. Then felt like "if my brother knows I should tell my mum".

We were naming daughter after his nan, who is still alive. She had knitted loads of clothes and I had in my head that I wanted to take her to see her, in her handmade clothes and say her name to her face.

Husband forgot to tell his mum this, and rang her a few hours after telling her to say "please don't tell nan"... too late. She's took it upon herself to drive to her house and tell her as soon as my husband had told her. Apparently nan cried. I'm gutted I never seen reaction

[Batteriesallgone]

A friend into mine had her close and loving family absolutely lay into her about her newborn sons name. So much so that they changed it. It wasn't even that out there...they just all felt they had a right to an opinion, being so close. Almost like he was a family baby and belonged to them all. Easy to say when you don't have a torn vag and swollen boobs.

So I can see that stuff like this can open huge rifts, which is part of the reason why I wanted to know who was going to be a dick while still pregnant, so I was prepared!

[Troika]

You'd think OP. Except my MIL tells us everytime she sees us how much she hates dd's name. She also hates my other dc's names but doesn't mention those quite as much, although last time she was here she did tell dd1 that all of her names were terrible names and ask why I couldn't have given her a nice normal name (despite me explaining that her middle names were common names in xh's culture). So unbelievably rude.

[FreezerBird]

We named ours before they were born and didn't have any negativity. It probably helped that we weren't saying 'he'll be called Fluffpants', but rather 'He is called Fluffpants', just as we would have once he'd arrived. No opportunity for discussion was given.

(Not actually called Fluffpants. That's his sister.)

[gotthemoononastick]

Wondering if I am the only one who looked down at a little face and thought 'no ,you are not a Rosemary,you are a Caroline' and changed my mind?

[MrsHathaway]

We discreetly shared a shortlist with the prospective grandparents in case any of the possible names were really problematic - eg "ooh did we never tell you that that's the name of the man who tried to cut your dad's throat in 1973?" - and ignored all the additional comments they passed. There were also some red herrings including all the names we would only have considered as middle names.

My extremely reserved father had tears in his eyes when he discovered that our DC2 has two names significant to him (my g-gfather's name and my father's name). The photo of their first meeting is one of my favourites of all time.

[MrsHathaway]

Wondering if I am the only one who looked down at a little face and thought 'no ,you are not a Rosemary,you are a Caroline' and changed my mind?

Babies don't look like Rosemary or Caroline or anything else, but we were changing our minds about one of our children within an hour of his birth purely on the sound/rhythm of it.

Which reminds me, one of the reasons not to declare a name before the baby's arrival is just in case someone objectionable suddenly gets famous.

[LapdanceShoeshine]

poppypopcorn thanks for this - made me lol

granny objects to an everyday name like George because she once met a George on holiday and he looked at her funny

[ExConstance]

My Grandfather set out at some point in the early 1920's to register his second son at the local Register office, he was supposed to be called "George", the name which my granny had agreed. He went for a drink on the way and met a man in a pub who told him that George was an awful name, and that "Douglas" would be much better. He went and registered the baby as Douglas.

Can't see that happening today. His third son was called George.

[amusedbush]

Up until recently I'd only known one couple who kept their name choice a secret and I understand why because it's bloody horrible but it seems to be much more common. I agree that it's easy to insult a name but harder to be quite so rude when the baby is here.

My MIL sadly passed away recently and, though DH and I have no plans for children at all, I fear any future baby girl would need MIL's name as a middle name. Paired with our surname it makes everything sound like a second-rate country singer

[reetgood]

I'm only 13 weeks pregnant and we've had loads of fun sharing shortlist with people we've told. We're unlikely to have 'the' name, we'll just pick our favourites and see what suits when baby arrives. No-one has said they don't like ones that we pick, I can't imagine they'd be rude in expressing opinion if they did.

It kept me and friends amused for at least half an hour picking out really stupid classical names (a couple on our shortlist are fairly classic), then trying out if any of the elements on the periodic table might be suitable, and finally some awesome homomyms with surname.

People have nose wrinkled at my favourite, but then so has boyfriend so it's off the table anyway. Our favourite boys name is ruled out too as is the name of friends son who was stillborn. My criteria is 'name that we both like, and doesn't sound stupid with last name'. Talking names is loads of fun!

[Benedikte2]

And is that pronounced Arna or Ana? Just wondering. I think it's a lovely traditional name. Can also be shortened to Stasia if she so wishes.
Hope all goes well for you and Anastasia!

[Lancelottie]

We changed our minds about one child at birth, yes, on the grounds of colouring clashing with the chosen name. I won't specify, but let's say you'd planned to call a child Bruno (brown) and got a tangerine-haired child instead? That sort of thing.

[Gerardbernie]

Well I didn't have a DP so I discussed it with my mum and best friends.

[RideOn]

Yes, YANBU

However I know someone, Mum not from UK, Dad is, baby girl is called Lilette, born in UK. I don't know if they know it is synonymous with tampon?
Might have been good to "air" that name, or maybe they are happy with it.

[Vereesa]

I think the issue comes down to it just being a matter of different people being inclined to different things. Some people are people pleasers and like to do things that are generally welcomed by all. Some people are unsure in their personal decisions and enjoy wider opinions. Some people are sharers and are very public with their thought processes. Some people want external affirmation.

Different strokes for different folks.

[BlurryFace]

We told our parents the boys' names before they were born. My mum disliked DS1's name, but I told her "tough" and we stuck to our guns and she has no problem using it now. I can take a bit of disagreement from people without freaking out so it was no skin off my nose. People ask about names a lot when you're pregnant, so it's a bit damned if you do, damned if you don't IMO.

[Tazerface]

Well...not everyone is on Mumsnet before they have their first child. Most people have reasonable in laws and friends and don't expect mad opinions and family upsets.

[AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered]

He went and registered the baby as Douglas



I bet he got a right roasting when he got home!

[ComputerUserNotTrained]

I told, so did all my ante-natal lot. Talking about names is like "do you know if you're having a boy or a girl?" or "are you struggling in the hot weather?" - it's a nice, generally uncontroversial question that demonstrates you give a fuck.

One of my colleagues is expecting soon - potential names are a favourite topic. We've come up with some blinders.

[heedee]

Each to their own I guess. I am a very private person and didn't even let family know whether we were having a boy or girl never mind names. The gender/name was something just for me and dh to share until such times when it had to be made public I guess I can kind of understand people wanting to share every exciting moment with everyone I can't really but I really hate fuss and attention so wanted to hold it off for as long as possible

[LittleMyLikesSnuffkin]

Ex and I discussed names before DC1 was born with family and stuff. The only person who was rude was his mother, no one else. I was quite taken aback that anyone could be so openly negative about names people had chosen for their children but I know better now! Second time round I refused to talk names but didnt stop her sticking her oar in.

If I have anymore DC in the future I'm gonna tell everyone some really hideous names before they're born just to be annoying.

[DeadDoorpost]

My DH hasn't even had a say in the names (except if it's a boy.. then I've agreed on a family tradition of his name being one of the middle names) but other than that, no-one else can even give me ideas. The names have been set for ages. My brother who's in Greece atm emailed me to say he could give me loads of Greek names as suggestions if I liked.. and then said I'd not like any of them. Nothing against the Greeks, he just knows I'd never be able to pronounce them.

As for the rest of the family, I'll humour them if they mention names but they all know I've decided. And they're perfectly OK with not knowing until the time. I'm quite lucky in my parents and in-laws that way. They're too happy to have a grandchild from me to care.