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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was my DH BU for making the neighbour wash his dog's piss off our car?

385 replies

Worriedaboutsmear · 02/07/2017 13:03

We have a neighbour about 4 doors away who has several dogs and is often seen walking past our house taking his dogs out. He's never spoken to us since we moved here 3 years ago, never smiled back, and if we are outside when he is walking past, he looks at the pavement. He does seem to talk to some of the other neighbours

A few weeks ago both DH and I were at home during the day, when said neighbour walked one of his dogs past. We just happened to be looking out the front window (as you do when you notice someone walking past), when we saw the dog lifting his leg and pissing against one of our rear car wheels and the bottom part of the bumper . The neighbour didn't seem to make any attempt to tug at his collar, he just carried on looking at the pavement, and so the dog carried on until he was finished. The neighbour then proceeded to carry on with his walk.

DH's instant reaction was to knock on the window to stop the neighbour from walking on, and gestured to him (like a "what are you doing" kind of gesture), he then went outside while I stayed inside.

I saw them have a few words, which was DH pointing at the car and not looking very happy, the neighbour appeared to be shrugging but apologising, and then went back to the direction of his house.

DH came back in and said that he politely asked him to make sure his dog doesn't do his business on our car again and that he wants it washing off. I'm not as assertive as DH so I told him that it wasn't necesssary to get him to wash it off, as long as he tries to not let his dog do it again, but DH's view was that if he was someone that actually acknowledged us from time to time rather than ignoring our existence then he would've taken that view, but why should we when he clearly doesn't like us etc etc

The neighbour appeared about 2 mins later just with his wife now and a bucket and brush.
Whilst washing it off they didn't look up.

Ever since then, the neighbour has gone from not much acknowledging us, to now grimacing at us, staring across at our house when he walks past, and furthermore, making a point of crossing the road just before he gets to our house and then crossing back to this side once past our house.

Could I kindly just ask for the general consensus of who WBU here, should my DH not have said anything and/or not asked him to wash it off? I said to my DH that maybe he felt humiliated but DH said that it's arrogant of him to think his dog can piss where ever he likes and not accept the consequences if it's against someone else's personal property.

OP posts:
Megbert · 02/07/2017 17:06

And his poor wife!

Jesus, as soon as I saw the poor woman I would have been out telling them to leave it.

bimbobaggins · 02/07/2017 17:09

The op says he politely asked him to make sure the dog didn't do it again and to wash it off
Not sure where the humiliation comes from. If I was in a similar position I'd happily wash it off, certainly wouldn't feel humiliated. Where does it say he stood over him while he washed it .

Stopnamechanging · 02/07/2017 17:12

The neighbour appeared about 2 mins later just with his wife now and a bucket and brush
Whilst washing it off they didn't look up

I hope that helps, clearly they were being watched.

Stopnamechanging · 02/07/2017 17:12

You don't think that the aim was to humiliate him? Really?

Smurfy23 · 02/07/2017 17:12

Dog shouldn't have been on driveway- neighbour was wrong for that. However your husband was a bit of a knob for insisting he wash it off- as has been said, his precious car will be driving through all kinds of substances. I daresay some of the neighbourhood cats will also have urinated on it too.

bimbobaggins · 02/07/2017 17:16

Well I can see my neighbors across the road from me if I look out my window, it doesn't mean they are being watched or stood over so no it doesn't help

honeyroar · 02/07/2017 17:17

It sounds like they're both as bad as one another. The neighbour should've pulled his dog away from the car, and especially shouldn't let it go up the drive (did he let it go off the lead or walk up the drive with it??). But your husband only got on at him because he didn't like him, which is a bit petty. And perhaps the man deliberately crosses the road now to make sure his dog doesn't pee on your property. Re the face pulling, he sounds pretty childish. They sound like a couple of kids.

Megbert · 02/07/2017 17:19

Well someone must have been watching them if OP knew they didn't look up at all while they were washing the car.

OCSockOrphanage · 02/07/2017 17:19

Tempest in a tea cup! Ridiculous over-reactions all round. Do hope you are not neighbours of mine.

Original poster
Worriedaboutsmear · 02/07/2017 17:20

Stopnamechanging, actually it doesn't say that. I meant look up to the house, or to the window. He was not stood next to them, he was inside.
And no, his aim was to get our car clean, I thought that was quite clear! You must think he waits days on end at the window waiting to pounce on this poor old "autistic, socially awkward with clear mental health issues and no rude bone in his body" man to walk his dog up our drive.

OP posts:
AwaywiththePixies27 · 02/07/2017 17:21

I think your DH was ridiculous to insist it be washed off. An apology was more than enough, he sounds like a bully and self righteous twat.

Agree. I would he right on your DHs side though if it was like the entitled twat who used to let her dog shit outside our shared gateway at 5:30am every morning. 'because no one would see her anyway'.

Is your DH planning on accosting every dog walker who cocks his leg up?

SlothMama · 02/07/2017 17:22

It's a bit of wee, fair enough the dog shouldn't have been on your drive but I wouldn't have gone as far as to make them clean it! The rain would surely wash it away...

AwaywiththePixies27 · 02/07/2017 17:24

old "autistic, socially awkward with clear mental health issues and no rude bone in his body" man to walk his dog up our drive. Hmm

Ageist and disablist all in one post?

You and your DH sound lovely.

Brittbugs80 · 02/07/2017 17:28

Sodablackcurrant wheelie bins. Get rid of them too, especially if you take them out at night. Smile

Original poster
Worriedaboutsmear · 02/07/2017 17:28

I think you'll find Pixie, that I'm just quoting several other posters who all pulled that card out. Please read the thread.

"Is your DH planning on accosting every dog walker:.."

No just the ones that do it up the car on the drive I think.

OP posts:
Clandestino · 02/07/2017 17:29

I'm fully with your husband, well done to him! The rude knob was your neighbour who let his dog pee on your car.

Stopnamechanging · 02/07/2017 17:32

Well I can see my neighbors across the road from me if I look out my window, it doesn't mean they are being watched or stood over so no it doesn't help

Sorry, I can't help you any further then as it clearly says 'the whole time'.

I have gleaned how I think it went by the OPs later responses and they don't sound very nice.

Maccapacca88 · 02/07/2017 17:32

I don't think he was bu at all! Why the hell would you let your dog piss up someone's car? Would you let your kids piss on someone's car? I applaud him for getting the dirty sod to wash it off!

PoshPenny · 02/07/2017 17:33

I have a dickish neighbour like this who isn't shy but deliberately ignores me and my family whilst taking the mick and using our property like it's his own if we're not about. In the circumstances you describe I would have done exactly the same as your DH

AwaywiththePixies27 · 02/07/2017 17:34

So your DH wouldn't have minded if the man had acknowledged him? But now you seem to be wondering why he's grimacing.

He's probably grimacing just in case your DH comes out and tells him off again for not acknowledging you. Seriously I don't even think Prince Phillip's that arrogant.

Personally I pencil folk down like this down as the batshit neighbours and avoid them like the plague. Shame your 'old autistic guy with possible mental health issues doesn't have the wherewithal to do the same.

Megbert · 02/07/2017 17:34

No just the ones that do it up the car on the drive I think.

But he will give them a pass if they smile enough at him.

Brittbugs80 · 02/07/2017 17:37

You said yourself if the neighbour had made an effort to talk to you, your Husband wouldn't have bothered to make him wash it off.

Are you the types that feel everyone should like and talk to you? What if this neighbour doesn't want to get to know you or talk to you?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 02/07/2017 17:39

I have read the thread thanks OP. Just because I disagree with you doesn't mean I haven't. Someone explaining to you that the man may have disabilities is not 'pulling out that card'. That's as embarrassing as accusing people of 'playing the race card'. There's a lovely old man who walks by here every day. He doesn't say boo to a goose either.

No of course your DH wouldn't do it to everyone. He doesn't sound like the type who'd be brave enough to do the same to someone six foot and built like w brick shithouse.

Here's the thing. No one is saying its not unreasonable to be annoyed when this happens. Its totally unreasonable to stand over the bloke and his wife and make sure they do a proper job of it.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 02/07/2017 17:42

No just the ones that do it up the car on the drive I think.

Ah. So not the ones who'd dare to stand up for themselves then? About right.

Goldenphoenix · 02/07/2017 17:48

It's difficult to stop a dog peeing where it chooses (especially male dogs who seem to scent every few minutes). I think politely asking the neighbour to please not allow his dog to do it again would have been the correct response. As a dog owner i'd be astonished if asked to wash up wee

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