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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I have the most unfortunately named love rival?

302 replies

RedStripeIassie · 02/07/2017 00:36

I'm only just back with my dh after we split for a time and suddenly I find Jolene is back in our county and wants to get back in touch with him?

Every time I sound off about the fact they got history and she's always fancied him people start singing fucking Dolly Parton!

Last time I got really torn up over it and confidied in my dsis and BIL he put the damn song on and laughed for a whole few minutes and I forgave him because everyone was a bit drunk and stoned but them
Mary Anne never lets me forget either and she's meant to be close family Angry

Just to clarify he'd never cheat on me and never has.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 02/07/2017 11:56

So he was drunk / stoned too op? You both were?

You were always going to take this guy back. Only you know the reality of your situation now and if your child is being brought up by one of both her parents being substance abusing losers and the other enabling it.

DistanceCall · 02/07/2017 11:58

It is very telling that the therapist thought you needed more intensive counselling. Are you pursuing that?

The OP,, by her own account, clammed up as soon as her therapist mentioned SS and the possibility of having more intensive counselling (why the therapist mentioned this, the OP has not said, oddly enough). The therapist then dismissed her as she wasn't cooperating.

BUT EVERYTHING'S FINE, don't you know. THEY DO NORMAL THINGS. Like smoking weed at home every single fucking evening. And getting drunk and complaining about Jolene while taking care of their daughter.

Orangetoffee · 02/07/2017 12:00

Back to square 1, and you are still telling everyone lies including your therapist and yourself. Poor DD

Bluntness, I think the money came from an inheritance payout. When that is gone I am sure it will be back to no money for a new coat.

SerfTerf · 02/07/2017 12:01

So long Marianne Mary Anne

Oh good spot. This thread needs some Leonard.

BeyondDrinksAndKnowsThings · 02/07/2017 12:05

"he helped me see a lot of stuff was both our problem not just his"

I bet he did.

Oh red, I really hope it works out for you, but I'm not feeling very positive about you being back together.

Vandree · 02/07/2017 12:07

Your post last night about Jolene wasn't about Jolene at all was it?You were drunk and he was stoned and if your child woke needing something neither of you could have provided it. Thats not a nurturing and growing environment and you know it. Did you post as a cry for help subconsciously? You knew that things aren't as great as you say they are and needed someone else to say it. Just because your child sleeps the night now doesn't mean they always will. What happens when she wakes with a vomiting bug or a temperature that wont go down? What happens when she wakes and mum and dad are acting strangely. Its not something you can hide from her even if you think you are. Its all a bit sh*t isn't it?

You say he's changed, he can moderate. Is he telling you that and you keep telling yourself that? No he can't moderate. Why not just get rid of the drink and drugs and see what you are like as a couple and parents without it. Could it be the only thing keeping you together. You are so desperate to keep him, so desperate to see this as a great love and romance that you are failing your child and she will remember you didn't love her enough, she wasn't great love enough.

I remember you and so do many other mn's. Do yourself a favour and be bloody honest with yourself for once

SparklyMagpie · 02/07/2017 12:14

Hahaha so hes not actually changed has he as hes still drinking and smoking weed!

Grin enjoy your loved up fantasy OP! I have never heard so much bull shit in my life

Goingtobeawesome · 02/07/2017 12:28

He isn't good dad if he smokes weed every day and I find it really shocking that a three year old has anger issues that are so notable. Differentiated from tantrums.

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 02/07/2017 12:32

Sharon ?

BitchQueen90 · 02/07/2017 12:39

If somebody ever dared to smoke weed in my house with my DS in they'd be out the door. It's disgusting.

SamoyedSam · 02/07/2017 12:40

Some of these posts almost read like fucking schadenfreude....complete with smiley faces! And a lot of people overestimating the extent of their own importance because they happen to be on an anonymous forum and a woman opened up to them about her problems. As to those of you mentioning her therapist...you know what I can pretty much guarantee her therapist wouldn't recommend? Haranguing her anonymously on the internet about what a terrible mother you think she is. It may all still be a god-unholy mess or @RedStripelassie may be telling the truth and they have become a functioning family, and one which SS wouldn't bother touching with a bargepole around here in an area of actual horrific drug addictions and poverty (my area, not the OP's). But we don't know. So maybe leave off the bullying?

SamoyedSam · 02/07/2017 12:42

I'm sure there are any number of competent professionals around her and her DD (teachers, HV etc.) who can make the necessary calls whilst knowing the reality of her situation. But all this smug, self-important crap isn't going to encourage ANYONE to actually get help if they need it.

DistanceCall · 02/07/2017 12:43

SamoyedSam Some of us have been following the OP's previous threads, handholding, and giving support for quite some time now. And we are appalled for her little girl.

Read the fucking previous threads before posting.

DistanceCall · 02/07/2017 12:45

Oh, and the competent professional around the OP, her therapist, has mentioned calling SS and dismissed the OP because she wouldn't cooperate. As the OP herself has acknowledged.

The OP wasn't asking for help in the original post. She was whingeing because she was jealous about some woman. While drunk, and after her husband spent the evening smoking weed, in the same house in which her daughter was. To those of us who know the background, it's - well, disgusting.

DistanceCall · 02/07/2017 12:50

@RedStripelassie may be telling the truth and they have become a functioning family

The OP claims that her husband is not an addict because "he can moderate" his drinking and smoking weed. He drinks and smokes weed every single evening.

That's an addict. An addict and an enabler are not fit parents.

mygorgeousmilo · 02/07/2017 12:52

Fuckety fuck. All of that deluded bullshit was bad enough, reading your posts where you just lie to yourself and everyone else, no wonder your therapist cut you off. The shit you've put your kid through was bad in itself, but now you've bowled me over with "he works cash in hand" like it's some kind of honourable and decent thing??

Bluntness100 · 02/07/2017 12:54

The op was warned not to take this guy back, if I rememb r correctly it was about three months or less they split up for. In that short time she had determined he had changed. Except it seems he's not, he still getting stoned or drunk daily. She couldn't even afford a coat for her kid as he smoked all the money.

The therapist had said she would get social services involved if the op brought this druggie back into her home and her child's life I think because of how she was forcing her child to live.

SamoyedSam · 02/07/2017 12:57

I do know the background, thanks to insomnia and advanced search. Doesn't change my opinion that this thread leaves a nasty taste in my mouth and is certainly not how any professional would recommend it be handled.

Ceto · 02/07/2017 12:59

Oh, goodie, he's working cash in hand. Does he by any chance intend to declare what he earns for tax?

Bluntness100 · 02/07/2017 13:01

Sam, you appear to be confused. We are not professionals. This is not a forum that provides proffessional therapy. We are simply people giving an opinion with the best of intentions.

You on the other hand just want to attack the other posters. That leaves a nasty taste in ours.

Why don't you focus on responding to the op and not slagging the other members off?

DistanceCall · 02/07/2017 13:01

it is certainly not how any professional would recommend it be handled

No, any professional would recommend that SS get involved asap. As the OP's therapist did.

We WOULD notify SS, only we can't, unfortunately.

SamoyedSam · 02/07/2017 13:06

Surely you mean "that leaves a nasty taste in mine" @bluntness ?!...classic sign of mob justice there: thinking you speak for the majority Grin
Many people warned the OP that SS services involvement was inevitable as the situation was so bad that sooner or later a teacher or concerned neighbour would get involved. If the situation warrants it, let it happen.

SamoyedSam · 02/07/2017 13:08

The therapist recommended it...and yet as far as we are aware, she didn't make the phonecall.

DistanceCall · 02/07/2017 13:09

Well, given that the therapist dismissed the OP because she was unwilling to talk about the situation, I would say that there's a good likelihood that she has called SS already. Obviously, she wouldn't tell the OP.

I really, really hope that was the case.

DistanceCall · 02/07/2017 13:10

If the situation warrants it, let it happen

Are you serious? Yes, I imagine how all the adults who knew Baby P said something similar.