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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think 20 year old DD is taking the piss a bit?

380 replies

loosechangebanknotes · 01/07/2017 22:47

DD is in her 1st year of uni. She is living at home. She has kept her part-time job that she had in sixth form.

We haven't made her pay this year for rent, etc. or anything like that to be nice, but figured next year we need to ask. We are asking for 15% of what she earns that week.

She has relatively recently started all these activities (she has lost 3 stone and is a lot more confident etc. etc.) things like yoga, dance, drama and all kinds of adult classes.

She claims she isn't going to be able to afford to give us 15% because of these activities. It's not unfair is it to say she is going to need to stop however many until she can afford it, is it?

OP posts:
rogueantimatter · 01/07/2017 23:49

I'm still unclear. Do you pay for everything for her and she saves all her part time earnings? If so I wouldn't ask for rent but I'd expect her to pay for some of her classes/socialising/toiletries or something.

She's very lucky to have the option of staying at home. DS was 'lucky' enough to get a place on a very competitive niche course in London and even with a scholarship and an award from a trust fund and a loan he will need about £50 a month from us. Without the scholarship and award he would be 6.5K short of what he needs to live on every year.

peachgreen · 01/07/2017 23:51

Hmm, I'd say in that case you're maybe being a bit U if you don't need the money - she's been very sensible and it sounds like she's spending her wages on useful things.

What about a compromise - she could give you money over the holidays when she's able to pick up extra shifts to supplement her earnings?

I'm a big believer in teenagers paying their way, but I think in this instance I wouldn't push it.

Original poster
loosechangebanknotes · 01/07/2017 23:55

@rogueantimatter genuine question, don't most towns have unis, why couldn't he stay at home?

Yes, I pay for food, toiletries (they are just in bathroom) but she pays for the classes and the savings.

OP posts:
ticketytock1 · 01/07/2017 23:56

I think you need to do it not because you need the money, but because she needs to appreciate the value of it.
If she wasn't living at home then she would need to sacrifice her classes in order to pay rent.
You won't do her any favours by lying to her about the real world... I think you are doing the right thing!

My mother charged me 'rent' of £100 per month from I was 17-24. I had various part time jobs whilst at uni, living at home.
I grudgingly handed the money over every month... without realising the little legend was putting it away for me!!! When Dh and I (before we were married) bought out first home, she used the rent fund to pay the solicitors fees. She also bought us a DFS sofa and microwave, fridge, cooked etc. Then when the wedding came along she bought my dress from the same fund! I done some estimates and of course she added to it significantly! But she taught me some lessons... and treated me with the money later! Love my mum.. she is one in a million!

sweetbitter · 01/07/2017 23:59

She's presumably accumulating tons of student debt at the moment. It seems silly to take money from her that you don't need when it could go some small way towards reducing that debt. Though I guess she wouldn't spend it on that if she's talking about not being able to do as many fitness/yoga classes...

MissJSays · 02/07/2017 00:02

My parents would never take money off me for living at home during uni, just graduated now and they still won't take anything off me despite working full time. They'd rather me save my money, which I have been doing for the last 4 years, for a deposit.

If you can afford it, why take those classes away from her? When I first started uni my money was wasted on going out all the time, at least she's doing something that will help her grow!

Mummmy2017 · 02/07/2017 00:05

Students are supposed to get £200 a week for 42 weeks of the year, of this about £125 is rent, so £75 to live on..

Not sure how much your daughter is earning but and yes I do believe a child should pay their way, I think you should charge her £25 a week for food, and you should keep this. If she gets over £75 a week then you should ask for another £5 a day from her earnings, for each day she works. not much but it will mount up, and then you can either save it for her or put it towards house hold bills.

Original poster
loosechangebanknotes · 02/07/2017 00:06

DH earns £98 a week

OP posts:
Original poster
loosechangebanknotes · 02/07/2017 00:06

Obviously a typo and was meant to say *she

OP posts:
AuntMabel · 02/07/2017 00:07

YANBU.

If you don't need it, then put it into savings for her. Return it when she leaves home and enters the parallel universe where it costs good money to be an adult.

Crumbs1 · 02/07/2017 00:08

Depends whether you can afford to subsidise her. We have three still,at university. We don't expect them to contribute towards family costs when they are home. They don't work and we pay for meals out, holidays, travelling, clothes - everything in fact. We did same with the other three, so it seems fair.
Will they be disadvantaged by not having to scratch around and live off lentils? I don't think so. If they're bright enough for university they're bright enough to budget when the time comes. Our eldest has just bought a house for 500k at 24, so not exactly dossing around wasting all her earnings.
They'll only be young once, let them enjoy it whilst they can if you can afford to.

Rach5l · 02/07/2017 00:09

Yabu

Coastalcommand · 02/07/2017 00:09

Unless we fall on hard times my DD will always have her room here for free. When we die the house will be hers anyway.

toffeeboffin · 02/07/2017 00:11

I'd totally expect her to contribute.

She needs to budget better if she can't afford yoga, dance etc. Surely the classes are cheap anyway, student discount and what not.

toffeeboffin · 02/07/2017 00:12

£100 a week!

That's £400 a month?!

You sure she's not on here, OP?!

userofthiswebsite · 02/07/2017 00:14

Why on earth would you unless you were desperate for the money?. As someone who got on the property ladder mid/late 20s by saving, I know how much harder it is 5/6 years on to build up a decent enough deposit to do so. Why try and make it even harder for your own daughter?

Original poster
loosechangebanknotes · 02/07/2017 00:18

That's definitely not her! Well I hope she isn't planning on going on the streets!!

OP posts:
lobsterface · 02/07/2017 00:22

how much does your daughter earn?

Pemba · 02/07/2017 00:23

Yabu. She's a student, you are supposed to be giving her money! Well I guess you don't need to if she's living at home, but in principle. What would you have done if she was at a far away university- refused to help? That's what most parents do and actually the government expects it. That's why students from poorer families get bigger loans in recognition that their parents can't afford to give the expected contribution. Can you not keep her for free and help her succeed? The time to ask for money would be when she has graduated and working full time.

You did say you didn't need the money .......

hoddtastic · 02/07/2017 00:24

All you're teaching her is that she's an additional income stream to parents who don't need it- seems petty, a pointless point to make, mean and grabby. Eldest DC took a gap yah while they saved up to travel between a'levels and uni- they paid £100 a month (from earnings of 1200 cleared) which we gave back when they returned - no way would I take money I didn't need to make a point. Tabu.

Joffmognum · 02/07/2017 00:25

Charge her.

If she needs to exercise, she can run outside and copy yoga off of YouTube.

In the real world she couldn't ask her landlord for a discount because she needed to pay for Zumba. She's not a child anymore.

Pemba · 02/07/2017 00:25

I meant most parents DO contribute

MrsJayy · 02/07/2017 00:26

I didn't take m8ney from student children they have/had pt jobs lived at home i dont see the point when their wages are rubbish although dd1 ran her car which was more beneficial than taking money from her.

Mummmy2017 · 02/07/2017 00:35

OK £100 a week is more than my daughter gets .. your ment to top it up to £75 a week, but as said some would be food.. still think you should ask her for £25 a week for that...

Your not doing her any favours as you say buy letting her off scot free...

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