AIBU to think 20 year old DD is taking the piss a bit?

[loosechangebanknotes]

DD is in her 1st year of uni. She is living at home. She has kept her part-time job that she had in sixth form.

We haven't made her pay this year for rent, etc. or anything like that to be nice, but figured next year we need to ask. We are asking for 15% of what she earns that week.

She has relatively recently started all these activities (she has lost 3 stone and is a lot more confident etc. etc.) things like yoga, dance, drama and all kinds of adult classes.

She claims she isn't going to be able to afford to give us 15% because of these activities. It's not unfair is it to say she is going to need to stop however many until she can afford it, is it?

Is this a reverse? Are you 20-year-old daughter, OP?

If I don't need the money, I wouldn't ask. She's studying full-time, and has lost three stones, and by the looks of it, the classes she's taking are all for her personal development.

I think you're being unreasonable if she's still at uni. Activities are important and her growing in confidence is a good thing.

I think I agree with box - I probably wouldn't make my kid pay to make a point. I understand why you would want to make it, but it's not a difficult concept to grasp and it's something we all learn soon enough.

It sounds like you're jealous (I'm not saying you are, but it does read like that to me) I think when she stops uni is the time to insist on a % of her earnings if she ends up still at home.

YABU. Your DD is at university and working hard..

You're legally bound to support her if she's a student under the age of 25. Have we misunderstood and your point is that you are paying for all her expensive hobbies?

I'd just let it go - when she leaves home and gets a job she won't be able to live such a carefree existence ever again. If you don't need the money, then give her the gift of this time. As you say, these activities are helping her confidence - why would you want to take that away from her if you don't need to?

Wow! Shocked at the replies... no I'm not my daughter I highly doubt she'd spend her time on mumsnet!

I said there would come a point she would need to pay before she went to uni so she was expecting it.

I think you're being pretty unreasonable to ask for rent, tbh. What I would do is ask for a contribution to the cost of her living there: food, utilities etc. Make it a fixed amount, not a % of her earnings. Then it's up to her to decide how much to work to cover that and her general expenses.

But I also agree with the pp who said that it's unfair to change a previous agreement midway through her course. Unless your financial circumstances have changed dramatically, in which case she'll know that and understand why you're asking. Just having changed your mind is a bit weird and I would be pretty annoyed about it if I were her.

Hmm. The government Expect you to top up any maintainance loan to equal the grant given to students from low income parents.
Most students spend half their time at home anyway.
You possibly will find that her living at home is saving you money!

Most people I know pay their student children about 4K a year.

Surey she already has some comprehension of money?

Paying you won't necessarily teach her the value of money - she either knows that you can't buy or rent a house and run it without money or she doesn't.

Does she save? We "take" money from DS's part-time job and have done since he was 16, bu that's because he's got a very well paid job and felt under pressure from some shit mates to pay more than his share of things because he had more money. This way he has a good savings pot and could say that we "took" the money so he couldn't pay for laser quest etc. If he'd felt confident in saving himself I wouldn't have taken it.

It's the lesson that's important, not the actual cash when it's not needed.

Yes she does save but only about £50 a month. She has been doing that for 4 years now though. I don't expect her to use the savings to pay me

If you really needed it then yanbu but if you don't then I would not ask her to pay. She sounds like she has done so well. Just because a child turns 18 and officially becomes an adult why would you expect more from her than previously? She is not in full-time employment. I don't see it as different to being in the 6th form except that she has a ton more debts mounting up.

Rather than take the money why not make her invest it while she's living with you? She has to keep saving a set amount with you randomly checking to see if the money is there - would probably teach her how to budget and give her best egg too

Yeah, this is speaking as someone who's always had weight issues - she needs those personal development classes to gain much more confidence. If there's no need to, don't take it away from her. If she starts paying, either she foregoes them, or her full-time study suffers as she'd need to work more hours.

Did she take out the maintenance loan? If she's living at home and working PT she should really only leave with tuition fee debt, shouldn't she?

I'm afraid that at some point you have to accept that bills need to be paid and yoga although a nice hobby is not a valid reason to avoid paying some contribution. If she had gone away to Uni then she would be paying rent, bills and tuitions fees and presumably would not be able to afford to do all these activities. If she's staying for the whole degree she will be 22 years with mum and dad paying for everything. I'm not sure how much I might expect but even a token amount is a start although I would secretly put that into an account and give that to her at the end. I would also expect her to start doing her own washing, ironing etc and to start taking responsibility for cooking dinner for herself/ the family since these are other advantages of moving away that she's missing out on.

Unless you really need the money, yabu.

My DCs went away to uni, and even with student loans, it still cost us a bloody fortune for travelling home, blips with cash flow etc.
If they'd been able to live at home, with a part time job to support their social development (!) I'd be quids in.

If they lived at home with a full time job, and I needed it, it would be a different story.

I think it would be unfair to make her cut out some of the activities that have helped her gain fitness and confidence, especially as she is also in full time education.

No she didn't take out a maintenance loan.

YANBU! It'll teach her at least to prioritise and learn she can't have everything. Surely all these extras must be getting in the way of actual work too?

Ps just because she's at University does not automatically mean she's working hard.....some courses only have 8 hours of lectures a week.

what if hr uni course goes on for years?

shes got a job why cant she contrbute some

Perhaps she could take up horse riding in which case you'd be extremely unreasonable not to buy her a pony OP. No??? You're sooooo unreasonable OP. Don't you know it's for her personal development. ?? Perhaps a car then...?

No yanbu op
Jeez, my dp's started taking 'rent' when I was 12 and got my first job. I earned £12 and they took £4 it taught me how to budget and appreciate my money. Db was smart though and didn't get a job till he was 16 when pocket money stoped