AIBU to think 20 year old DD is taking the piss a bit?

[loosechangebanknotes]

DD is in her 1st year of uni. She is living at home. She has kept her part-time job that she had in sixth form.

We haven't made her pay this year for rent, etc. or anything like that to be nice, but figured next year we need to ask. We are asking for 15% of what she earns that week.

She has relatively recently started all these activities (she has lost 3 stone and is a lot more confident etc. etc.) things like yoga, dance, drama and all kinds of adult classes.

She claims she isn't going to be able to afford to give us 15% because of these activities. It's not unfair is it to say she is going to need to stop however many until she can afford it, is it?

I didn't take anything from my DD when she got a part time job, I actually wish that I had and had kept it saved for her, it would have been nice to surprise her with it when she moved out to her flat, or used it to eg pay for a case or wedding

With all the crap facibg youngsters today trying to get onto the job/property market, I can't believe any parent wanting their kid to put themselves in even more debt whilst pursuing an education.

And all to give that parent money they don't actually need.

I note that OP is long gone though.

You're not being unreasonable, IMO. However, she seems to be improving herself so far (rather than peeing it down the drain) and gaining in confidence by so doing. Perhaps an offer, reducing requested money to 10% perhaps, might work for you both? Good luck. 😏

Are the "goodies" you speak of redistribution of our oen tax money to pay for education (including childcare)? I guess you must earn more than 80k...

I would not charge rent until she is in full time work. If she is buying her own clothes, shoes and toiletries then that is a saving to you anyway.
The fact she is getting fit and healthy with her wages should be praised. If you force rent and she has to cancel her fitness classes, she may put the weight back on and start to loathe herself and then loathe you too.

Either she pays or she goes to live in halls. The quicker she gets a taste of the real world the better

The real world? God. Thankfully the real world isn't like you want it to be for most youngsters trying to make a way for themselves in the world. You remind me of what my Great Grandmother said to my Nan:

''Working with animals??? I'll have none of it. Too good for us now? You'll come with me to the cigarette factory on Monday''

Being a nasty bastard is nothing to be proud of.

Either she pays or she goes to live in halls. The quicker she gets a taste of the real world the better

Ffs we've already established if she goes in hall the OP will have income assessed and have to pay for it.

The ones sitting there with dc aged 20+ saying younguns should bloody pay us rent and taste the real world are the ones who got university for nothing and had realistic affordable housing

So bloody selfish

As far as I know there's no critical period between the ages 18-21 during which budget management must be mastered or forever be a lost cause. She'll have plenty of opportunity to learn budget management from age 22 onwards; at the moment her focus should be on learning what's necessary to get a good degree result.

Can't she join a gym with all of the dance/Zumba/yoga type classes? My gym membership £24 per month and all classes (one on a morn one on a night) plus free PT sessions if you book them in. Surely she could afford something like that? It is a relatively small gym but has all the facilities I need! 15% isn't very much to be honest, is probably put it at a set rate though because then there's no 'rounding down' to whatever is convenient to her! Eg from 59 to 59 so she can get an extra couple of drinks on a night out! I think she should expect to pay something as for most people maintainable loans wouldn't cover their full rent anyway!!

@Yummymummy159 - that's because the rest of the maintenance loan that doesn't cover the rent, is supposed to be covered by parents, hence they judge it on parents' income.

I didn't pay anything while at uni although I had been paying before that when I worked full time. I didn't pay after I graduated for ages but that meant I could save up to move out. My dad didn't need the money and funnily enough I still understand the value of money and how much this helped me. I don't understand people who charge their chn instead of helping them out.

I assume (possibly incorrectly?) that she pays for whatever she needs in the way of books, stationery, other uni related costs? If so, then her money won't go that far. Maybe she should claim the maintenance loan? Then she could give you some of that. Of course it's means tested, based on your income and you could end up being told by student finance that you are expected to top her up, as it were. But at least you'd get your rent money.

If you don't need the money then I would not be taking it, especially as she trying to work hard for her future and she clearly enjoys her classes, which are benefitting her health.

However if this is about teaching her to budget an manage her own money, do what my parents did. Take the money off her, put it away and when she graduates give it her back as a graduation present :-)

This reminds me of the 4 Yorkshire men sketch by Monty Python...

Bah...back in my day we 'ad it really hard. I worked 7 jobs, and had to pay my employer for the privilege of working for them, while studying full time, and every day the lecturer used to beat us around the head...and we was lucky I tell you.

If you're comfortably off I do not understand why you would take money off your child...for anything really. I would consider it a privilege and a pleasure to be able to help and support our DDs while they are studying.

And even if we weren't comfortably of,f I know we'd go without ourselves in order to help and support them. It comes with the job, surely?

MaQueen, I'm with you. When DC1 was at university, they had to take out the loans. The means test determined that they were also entitled to a reasonable grant, but we still did what we could to help out. And I never took rent money during vacations. Any money DC earnefhelped pay for the books etc, that were needed each year. Often books were costing around £65 each, so wages were needed to buy them. Now graduated and in work, DC pays a decent contribution to food and energy bills. But not when in FTE.

Your dd is taking the piss. She is in secoundary education and an adult. I think the earlier you learn that life is full of compromises the better.
If she says she's moving out thats fineness she'll learn those lessons them.
I'm one after 5 and only myself and one sibling paid rent, we are now both homeowners and good at budgeting, the other 3 go between moving back home to renting, getting in arrears and moving back home. I know that's only 5 people but I honestly think having that commitment from day 1 of working set me up.
Plus 15% is tiny, who has 85% of their income for themselves ?

Tertiary education, not secondary.

I find the idea offensively and brutally stupid that you have to charge your children rent, out of the fucking pocket money they might earn working a few hours a week while they are in full time education or else the value of money will be lost on them forever. Learning this stuff starts as a kid with pocket money - unless you take part of that as rent? You do everything you can to give your kids a leg up and a good start in life. Charging rent to offspring in FT education when you don't need the money only teaches them their parents are fucking mean tight wads.

Personally, if you can afford it, I'd put that money aside fir a deposit on a house for her - everyone needs financial help these days particularly that generation and if you can help, I'd be inclined to do that

Almost no one I knew at uni had a part time job - except me- it's hard doing both

I agree Elfinpre; I've already commented on this thread but am going to reiterate that I find it unbelievably mean to take money off a full time student who is only earning pocket money ffs. The sense of love and charity I feel for my children impels me to want the very best start in life for them that we can get. We are not wealthy enough to spoil them, but we are wealthy enough to offer them a smoother start in life than some may get and I am delighted to help them where possible.

I can't actually believe some of the stories here of posters who grew up giving a percentage of their pocket money away to their parents from the age of fifteen or whatever.

*they can get, not we!

I'd put that money aside fir a deposit on a house for her

15% of a PT job earnings could be about £10 a week. You'll have a nice house deposit - in a hundred years. But by then house price inflation will have far outstripped savings.

Teal and Elf I couldn't agree more.

Once our DDs are at university we intend to downsize, and out of the equity in the house we will be able to give them both a chunk of money towards a deposit for their own houses.

It never occurred to me until now that we were especially generous with our DDs, but looks like we are

Agreed Tealstar
This is one of the most ridiculous threads. I can't quite believe that parents really begrudge their kids having any sort of life.
My parents were not well off, but encouraged us to go to university - and opportunity they never had because their parents refused to let them continue in education past 16. We had weekend jobs while studying and they would sooner have remortgaged the house than take the little money we earned off of us.

If your child is at uni at home it saves everyone money but you need tp be more proactive in having a social life. It is important for physical and mental health as much as anything.

It baffles me as to why people have children, knowing how hard life can be and yet still want to make their child homeless or struggling come the age of 18.

Being 18 doesn't mean they aren't your child or your responsibility any more.

If you can afford to support your daughter and let her grow as a person and enjoy her learning, then why would you ask her for money? It's harder to get a job and own your own home these days (I know I'll never own anything) why wouldn't you encourage her saving and enjoying things while she can. Everyone knows in the future you pay bills etc so I'm not sure why people think she, at 20 won't understand this unless she is penalised for enjoying her life.

Some of you are miserable fuckers.