AIBU to think 20 year old DD is taking the piss a bit?

[loosechangebanknotes]

DD is in her 1st year of uni. She is living at home. She has kept her part-time job that she had in sixth form.

We haven't made her pay this year for rent, etc. or anything like that to be nice, but figured next year we need to ask. We are asking for 15% of what she earns that week.

She has relatively recently started all these activities (she has lost 3 stone and is a lot more confident etc. etc.) things like yoga, dance, drama and all kinds of adult classes.

She claims she isn't going to be able to afford to give us 15% because of these activities. It's not unfair is it to say she is going to need to stop however many until she can afford it, is it?

do you think she will forget that you charged her rent, when it is your turn to try and scrounge off her?

Mumoftwoandover, I am with you there. It is so wrong for a parent to expect rent from their children. In this day and age it is more difficult and even impossible for youngsters to get on the property ladder. For your parents to want your money the minute you start earning is wrong. My parents would of never dreamed of asking me for money. Instead I saved religiously for a large deposit on a house. This is also the way I will treat my son when he gets older. I will help him until he is financially dependent and can get a house of his own.

I was lucky so I thought at the time and didn't contribute to my parents for living with them, I offered and they declined.

In hind sight I wish they had taken rent off of me. Even if they didn't want it and put it in a savings account as now I have got to the age where I am desperately trying to save to buy a house. the and Money I pissed up the wall on crap that I didn't really need would be there and I would have for a house and have some savings!

Make her pay rent if you don't need it keep it for her as one day, when she wants a house, has a family etc she will
Be so grateful you have done this, you don't need to tell her your keeping it for her as it would be a lovely suprise. I am going to do this for my kids when they are old enough to work.

She won't forgive you if you do this. She's in full time education, you'd be expected to make a substantial contribution to her expenses if she was at a uni away from home and you don't need the money. Don't be mean.

For goodness sake she is working and she has just lost the weight she needed to so she could do all these things, I think you should be delighted and leave her to it. It can't have been much fun being that overweight and a teenager and she is taking control of her life not the piss.

I asked my dd aged 21 for just 20 a week board she has graduated first year of full time work and whilst she was studying FBI took nothing off her. Yanbu absolutely right to teach them to pay their way in life Nd learn to budget my dd keeps trying to take the piss and we actually ow cannot afford for her to live rent free. It's a generational thing and they seem to think the world should be hAnded to them on a plate. Extremely frustrating when I have worked for everything I have. You think they learn from example but apparently not.

YANBU. If at Uni though surely she can't be working full time other than on holidays. If still working at weekends only I would as her to buy her own stuff e.g. toiletries perhaps some washing detergent as she must have loads of fitness kit to be washed and make a small percentage of her earnings towards electric/gas. Don't think I would demand money though is her nett income is low but DD needs to learn everything doesn't grow on trees and if she wants to go to numerous classes then she can once she has contributed something to her living costs. If she didn't have a job what would you do for a contribution?

I honestly commend your DD for her dedication to self improvement but YANBU to ask for a contribution towards her living expenses. I don't think 15% is unreasonable at all. She needs to learn to budget and manage her expenses - she needs to plan for the future and she shouldn't be spending all of her surplus income anyway (imho). Whether you save that money for her or use it for household costs is up to you but I see no reason why she should be given free room and board just because she is in education. I lived at home whilst I was at uni, I had a student loan, I did 2 part time jobs and I still paid rent to my mum (don't know % of my income at the time now though). It was a learning curve but one that has benefited me ever since. These days it is harder than ever to make money go as far as it needs to and so easy to see it disappear - get her to learn the lessons of controlling her finances whilst she still has the safety net of being at home with you.

Manic - exactly, she's a student, not working full time
Vicky - OP's DD IS planning for the future, investing in her health and saving each month

It's a generational thing and they seem to think the world should be hAnded to them on a plate.

Really?

So says the generation who had no tuition fees for university, maintenance grants, housing benefit for their hall fees and claiming job seekers in the holidays. Oh and house prices were bloody low too.

The OPs dd is of the generation who cannot do anything with their lives without crippling debt for education and property.

It is an odd generational thing now that people want children as long as they dont have to pay for them. They want the state to provide the bloody lot, and Ive even seen it said on here that the OP no longer gets Child Benefit so she should pay her that to make up. Jesus shit. You dont want to do anything to help your young DD as the state is no longer giving you benefits for them.

My answers on this would be very very different if the OP was struggling and needed the money but she blatantly doesn't and has said on the first page she doesnt need it.

it is almost insulting to take the sum of £15 a week off her just to prove a point.

**Today 21:40 gunther73

do you think she will forget that you charged her rent, when it is your turn to try and scrounge off her?**

Really that is crap you don't know a their relationship, my mother charged me rent as soon as I had a part time job, when I was in school still also I had to pay my entire phone bill( my mum would highlight all the calls that weren't hers and add them up) it instilled a good work ethic in me. And so when I went to UNi I didn't ask her to contribute to my education or rent I worked to pay my own way and still had time to study and socialise, and I got good final results. I don't think OP is bu at all/ and by the way if my mum needed to "scrounge " I would not think any less of her or be resentful at all- I think comments like that are counter productive and I feel sorry for you gunther73 if that is you honest opinion of how you dc might react to the situation.
Again OP you are definately not BU

If you don't financially need it I think you're being completely unreasonable

It's really up to you, you have to do what you think is right in your instance with your child. However, my parents were forced to support me through uni during a recession. Loans don't cover rent and allow you to still feed yourself in my experience, let alone pay any other bills (gas/electric) and never charged me rent when I had to move home post graduation and couldn't find a full time job for love nor money. I worked all the hours I could part time, but trying to actually get a job in a career was next to impossible (this was the double dip recession). But even if i had have been working full time, my dad never had any intention of allowing me to pay rent. He simply requested I save an amount a month instead to start helping me for when I would move out one day. He always said "Bills and tax come soon enough anyway love, I don't need to make life any more difficult than it already is" and I appreciate him for that. I'm now married with one child and one on the way, in my own home with only student debt and I'm not even 30 yet. So, think carefully on it OP. Giving her a "free ride" doesn't necessarily mean you are failing to educate her in the ways of the world.

As someone who was pregnant at uni and then became a single parent in full time education and my block of flats burned to the ground I feel your daughter is taking the piss.
15% is nothing!

I've not read all the comments but I was originally gonna stay at home for uni as it would be cheaper. My parents would still have made me pay them money towards my keep.
In the end I went on campus, So spent more, but learned to budget. And then also paid for my wedding, and rent and bills for the last 2 years as well all while working at the same time. It's not being unreasonable to ask her to pay some money, or to make her buy her own stuff. From 16 i had to buy my own toiletries. Small things like that made me realise I needed to learn to keep an eye on my money. It comes in handy.
(As an extra, a few of my flatmates from 1st year couldnt budget to save their lives and relied on their parents to bail them out or their huge overdrafts which they're now going to have to pay back... I'm the only one that doesn't have to worry at all, but I also have the DH so I guess it's cheating a bit.)

If I were suffering financially, I would expect a contribution. If they were lying around in bed, would also, even if I were rich. But it sounds as if she's doing her best to get it right and you can afford to support her for a couple of years. So perhaps it's ok to let her have a bit more time.

Not charging our 20yr old anything for living with us this summer whilst she's a paid intern, she gladly does her fair share of the chores.

I think she asked us DH if we wanted a contribution this evening!?

15% would be a lot for her & relatively little for us. We hardly give her any other support so we are all happy...

YANBU.

It's all a part of growing up - learning to budget and understanding that bills take precedence over luxuries. Personally I think it is absurd that a working young adult be provided food, water, electricity, shelter, toiletries etc free of charge. The millennial attitude is nothing but take, take, take and the sooner they realise how piss poor it is the better.

Gen X here who graduated 20 years ago - I wouldn't have been expected to pay rent unless I had a full time job.

The millennial attitude is nothing but take, take, take and the sooner they realise how piss poor it is the better.

As opposed to the older generations who had free university education and frequently a grant? Also housing that was within reach of an average salary.

Another vote for not asking her to pay while she is in fulltime education.

ridiculous! She's studying for god's sake.

As she is studying I think you are being harsh.

At 16 I gave 25% of my salary. So £200 a month roughly. By 19 it was £200 a month plus my own toiletries and food. Although would have tea cooked for me most nights. And at 20 I was paying £1200 out on bills before food as I had bought my own house asking her to stop these things to give you some rent is not unreasonable.

And at 16 I was in full time college but also worked full time hours because I wanted to save for a car and driving lessons. Then a house etc. And I did get all what I wanted by 20. Helped me learn the value of money paying my parents and budgeting to save for things I wanted.