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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared she is going to kill me and steal my family?

167 replies

mrsMmrsIMrsSSI · 01/07/2017 21:06

My first ever post on here (many NC's ago) was about my really obnoxious neighbour who harassed me by knocking, texting, Facebook messaging at least 5 times a day.
I plucked up the courage one day to tell her to fuck off and she stopped for just under a month.
I feel like I'm going crazy she keeps copying little things and I know she's doing it and she knows she's doing it and it's creeping me out - here is a list of examples of her fucking weird behaviour.

  • when she sees DS has new clothes she buys her DS them too. For example the same little pair of trainers, parka, hats, etc.
  • she bought the same pram. Even in the same colour.
  • she dyed her hair to the same (fairly unusual) colour, a week after I did mine. --Cost me a bomb and I put a box dye over it a few weeks later
--- I lied through my teeth about DS's primary school applications as I knew she'd copy. And she did. In the same exact order.
  • she bought my winter coat.
  • her husband bought my partner's motorbike DESPITE not even having a license, claiming he was going to get one, it sits redundant outside their house but meant she could come over to ours with mundane questions about it for weeks.
  • she started shopping where I shop.
  • signed up to the same GP, despite being with her practice since she was a child.
  • signed her DS up for same hobby class as my DS.
  • she knowingly exposed my children to chicken pox and then was very dismissive of it.

And then today to top it all off she announced she's calling her new baby the same name as my baby with one letter difference.
So it would be equivalent of Harley and Harvey. It's not those names but that kind of idea.
DP thinks it's creepy but also really funny but seriously wtf else are you going to do? We are moving next March purely because of her. I can't bare it any longer she's hysterical but so so suffocating!!

OP posts:
Cary2012 · 02/07/2017 10:44

Some of the suggestions to 'have fun with her' are very funny, but in all seriousness, doing anything like that is still engaging with her.

It's the engagement she craves, and only you can stop it, so I repeat, please block, ignore, disengage completely.

AyUpMiDuck · 02/07/2017 11:03

She is bonkers OP - maybe low self-esteem issues?
I really feel for you. I don't agree that this is all coincidence.

I have had unwanted friends badgering me to get together too regularly but not on this scale, and not on my doorstep. I ended up being downright blunt saying- I have best friends, I have close friends and I like to be alone sometimes. Thank you for asking I do not want to hang out in the foreseeable future and I'll get in touch if I do. Your situation is less easy to stop.

The fact that you have already decided to move is brilliant.
I don't feel that she will come and stalk you if you are 20 odd miles away but to be on the safe side, cover your tracks, do the mail forwarding thing. Warn the removal people/taxi drivers/school/papershop whoever not to pass on your details. I would also tell your DH 's work not to divulge personal information. Pretend to everybody who needs to know that it's a temporary move until you go to "Aberdeen" or wherever. Don't tell anyone your new address. If closer friends locally push for info you can be honest - say you are moving because of your neighbour. Why do you need to hide it? No need to spare her feelings at this stage. and it could ensure they do not leak any info they might have picked up. Any mutual friends can be told that you will contact them with your new details when you have settled in, by then you might explain why you are being secretive- or maybe give it a few months and see if it has stopped.

Block her on social media and remember she may set up a fake profile to read your news so consider Stopping using social media till this storm has passed.

Good Luck OP
btw that wedding song reference has totally gone over my head. What is that?

AyUpMiDuck · 02/07/2017 11:13

oops !! think I got wrong OP when I mentioned wedding song- was reading 2 threads at once ;-)

weasledee · 02/07/2017 11:31

I can totally relate to this. My mum has had this from the minute I was born as the weird neighbour had a girl at the same time. From that moment one she copied everything my mum bought for me. The list is endless.... mum still lives next door to them and that's over 40 years!! They are still extremely weird. Still copy, say things out loud for others benefit, show offs. She clearly has mental health issues as nothing she does can be rationalised.

So glad to hear you're moving, so the right thing to do

Idratherhaveacupoftea · 02/07/2017 12:28

Where did she say she was moving, I haven't read it?

weasledee · 02/07/2017 13:21

Earlier on in posts......

EezerGoode · 02/07/2017 14:03

Well, none of my neighbors know even the first name of any of my kids,you know a lot about her,and she knows a lot about you.which suggests to me you and her were friends/ are friends,so now you want to distance yourself,but she's not getting the message and is ,what's that saying..imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...she's probably confused as to why you are dismissive of her and upset your not interested in her as a friend,so by buying things you have ,she thinks it will give you and her a common interest....deleate/ block on everything,don't stop to chat,be polite but distant,

WritingHome · 02/07/2017 14:26

This sounds scary and very frustrating for you.
I have a much milder case of this with a really weird distant relative of dh's who appeared out of the blue into his life a few years ago after no contact for 20 odd years.

She lives in a different country but has latched on big time. She invites herself to visit every year and documents our house through photos on her phone and then goes home and hunts down the same or really similar stuff - her house has morphed over the years to a mini version of ours right down to the exact same coffee table, same cushions, same bed covers, same very distinctive kitchen colour.

She does the same with holidays - anywhere we have been she goes afterwards - city breaks, sun holidays.

She also mirrors a LOT of my fb posts (I have hidden hers so don't see them unless I look) but if I put up a post with an image of a cocktail, an hour later she also posts a photo of a drink, that is just one example. I showed some flowers a very kind friend had sent me and an hour later she had a photo of a bunch of daffodils. It all sounds very trivial but it gets under your skin after a while.

It must be a million times worse for you....

Original poster
mrsMmrsIMrsSSI · 02/07/2017 15:57

Eezer if you RTFT, you'll see I explained that when we first moved in here we did talk and became (in loose) terms, friends.

OP posts:
Albadross · 02/07/2017 20:03

OP please take this seriously - try and avoid contact if possible and maybe have a talk with your 4 yr old somehow (not sure how mind you!) about keeping family info private. Have you been able to gauge her DPs feeling on any of this?

PP who've suggested making a joke of it - if this woman is mentally ill then the last thing either party needs is jokes. She clearly needs help with her MH and OP needs to ensure her own safety. MH is never a joke FGS, there's so little support out there and turning people into a laughing stock only adds to the stigma and stops people asking for help.

belmontian · 02/07/2017 20:14

She clearly needs help with her MH and OP needs to ensure her own safety

What exactly is it that is guiding you towards the above statement? The OP's neighbour is an annoying copycat. She isn't following her around, turning up on the same holiday 1000 miles away or accessing her medical records.

OP you need to be clear again with her that you do not want contact with her (the legal definition of stalking contains a bit about non-consensual communication) and if she persists to call at your house then you will take further action . You do sound a bit dramatic with your title though. She sounds like a woman who does not appreciate boundaries. Make it loud and clear.

Albadross · 02/07/2017 20:15

belmontian she was told to fuck off and yet has continued to 'copy' OP. That's not indicative of good MH really, is it?

belmontian · 02/07/2017 20:47

Alba she was told, backed off then OP engaged with her again, sharing personal info such as her dc school choices, baby name etc. The neighbour sounds like an extreme copycat who has low self-esteem, but there is nothing that the OP could take to the police that would be considered alarming. Annoying, certainly. The neighbour may well have poor social skills and sees the OP engaging with her as a sign that she is her friend. The OP needs to spell out that she does not want contact (this is important in stalking cases) and then gray rock.

belmontian · 02/07/2017 20:50

Copying someone does not indicate MH issues. Half of the OP's examples are not specific to OP, there will be lots of OP's neighbours who share the same school, GP surgery and possibly pram.

happyfrown · 02/07/2017 21:23

how are you going to move with out her seeing? sounds like the weirdo that would follow behind your moving van!!!

WrittenandGrown · 02/07/2017 21:24

Sorry this is happening to you. I agree it should be taken seriously, i found the climbing on your house particularly worrying, as if she felt you couldn't make a decision about your house and felt she had the right to over rule your decision. I would be ringing the anti stalking helpline PP posted above. Good luck.

KeepFuckingGoing · 02/07/2017 22:29

Belmontian
Glad my post gave you such a laugh Hmmhowever if the GP was aware of her having MH issues the information may help to indicate just how unstable she is. Because I doubt she is honest with anyone about her behaviour.

I didn't realise I needed to spell out why an insight to delusional and stalking behaviour may be of interest to a medical professional. I forgot there is a wide range of intelligence on here. Hmm

fullofhope03 · 02/07/2017 22:43

I thought the same thing happyfrown

belmontian · 02/07/2017 23:34

Keep as a medical professional I can assure you that GP's do not have time (or concern) to be pulling up the files of neighbours who buy the same parka jackets or prams. I reiterate that copying clothes is not indicative of MH issues. If the OP came to me with the above issues and said she was worried the neighbour was going to kill her and her family I would be concerned about the OP's MH.

belmontian · 02/07/2017 23:42

I will also add that even if the neighbour has MH issues that does not in any way mean that she is a danger to the OP or herself, so a health professional is not likely to be interested based on what the OP has said. If however the OP has forgotten to mention that the neighbour threatens her or brandishes a knife everytime she opens her back door, then that would be a different matter.

KeepFuckingGoing · 03/07/2017 01:24

As a very senior and experienced medical professional in the field of mental health, I don't think my advice is foolish as you do. You poor, busy, sanctimonious 'medical professional'. You obviously do and are unable to see how differing information may build up a picture.

Still, you obviously think you know best. I pity your patients.

Lovestonap · 03/07/2017 04:28

Well that escalated quickly.......

Leave the GP out of it. Stalking helplines or police 101 far more appropriate places to record concerns.

Try grey rock for a week or two, but if attentions seem to rise rather than abate do not ignore it.

This sounds really stressful

Wonders71 · 03/07/2017 05:27

Very creepy! I would just cut her off and don't talk to her and if you had to lie about everything! And make notes of things.

belmontian · 03/07/2017 07:08

Keep you sound most professional Hmm Surely you are aware that GP's cannot rely on accounts from the random general public in building up a patient profile? You can imagine the minefield that could turn into with malicious/false reports. Even if the neighbour has a MH diagnosis, unless she is at harm to others or herself (there needs to be solid evidence in support of this) nothing is going to be done about it anyway.

Ninabean17 · 03/07/2017 07:37

Please contact the police OP. make notes, list everything, the more you can take to them the better.
My mum had a stalker before me and my sister were born. Police didn't believe her either until dad saw him walking towards the house with a shotgun.

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