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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to wash my friend's clothes?

238 replies

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 30/06/2017 07:16

My friend asked me to water her plants while she went backpacking round Asia for 6 weeks. No problem, happy to do it, got her key off her.

First time I went to her flat (about 3 days after she left) she had a full load of washing sitting in her machine all wet! And a few dirty dishes in the sink. Nothing extreme, looks like she had a quick meal before she left for the airport and didn't have time to wash up.

Anyway I washed the dishes and popped them on the draining board, took the washing out (which stank of course) and popped it in a bin bag, took it to mine, re-washed the load and then put it through the tumble dryer (my friend doesn't have one).

Next time I went I put it all, folded, on her bed.

There's no way I was gonna let her ruin a full load, after 6 weeks the clothes would have been mouldy beyond repair! I did more plant watering after that and didn't interfere in any other way.

Anyway she came back early this morning and has sent me a text that basically says thanks for watering her plants but she's a bit annoyed that I 'took it upon myself' to 'clean her kitchen' and come in her bedroom, she feels a bit judged, she was in a rush when she left and she feels it was intrusive Shock

I thought I was being a good friend. AIBU or is she being precious?

OP posts:
Hissy · 30/06/2017 17:07

CALL HER!!

Assure her that your only thought was to not have the clothes ruined, and that as her friend, as someone trusted enough to take care of her home and plants while she was away for so long, it was genuinely no comment on anything other than something that you'd have been really grateful of if the shoe were on the other foot!

And then... "anyway love, missed you! Let's have a bottle and a natter and catch up!"

Don't "react" to this. Take it in your stride so that the path is there for her to follow your lead.

You genuinely didn't do this out of malice, it was because of your affection for her. She needs to know this!

Hissy · 30/06/2017 17:08

Texts can be misread! Don't exacerbate this, diffuse it!

Tinseleverywhere · 30/06/2017 17:18

Yeah don't apologise at all she was rude. Do you really want this ungrateful friend? Even if you do don't be a doormat. I'd put something like. I thought it was the friendly thing to do you a favour and dry your wash so it didn't get ruined and finish your washing up so you didn't get home to a smelly house. It was very little trouble while I was helping you out by watering your plants.

Whocansay · 30/06/2017 17:32

I wouldn't respond at all. The text was rude and ungrateful. I would call her in a couple of days and see if she's found a grip. You tried to do something kind - in addition to the favour you were doing her FOR SIX WEEKS - and her first response is to ball you out for it!

I'm hoping this is down to jet lag crabbiness. But she should be apologising to you. Do not apologise to her.

MatildaTheCat · 30/06/2017 18:18

Hmm. Your text is way too apologetic. Unless you've understated the mess in her kitchen and the extent to which you've cleaned it? Which would have been kind, incidentally.

'Hi Friend, your text last night makes me think ( hope) you were just feeling a bit jet lagged and out of sorts. Maybe you didn't realise that your laundry was wet in the machine and on the verge of going mouldy? I doubt you'd have thanked me for leaving that for you to find when I was coming in anyway?! I hope you had a fantastic trip and look forward to hearing about it soon.'

Then leave it. Don't mention or apologise for popping it on her bed,mshe your friend ffs. It's not like a random man going through her knicker drawer.

rightwhine · 30/06/2017 18:22

Hi, I'm so sorry you feel like I judged you, that's honestly not my intention. The washing was in the machine when i came round the first time and I knew it would be covered in mould after six weeks so ran it through again. I should have put it on the sofa though and not gone in your bedroom, sorry I wasn't thinking. Hope you're not mad at me and that you had a great time is Asia can't wait to hear about it!

delete a few bits

Hi, The washing was in the machine when i came round the first time and I knew it would be covered in mould after six weeks so ran it through again. I should have put it on the sofa though and not gone in your bedroom, sorry I wasn't thinking. Hope you had a great time is Asia can't wait to hear about it!

RiversrunWoodville · 30/06/2017 18:22

I think your text was great although I'm just Shock she wasn't grateful in the first place

clickhappy · 30/06/2017 18:26

That response is great, but your friend is being ungrateful, and you are being quite forgiving. I hope she realises how a good a friend you are to her x

livefornaps · 30/06/2017 18:29

Waaaaaay too nice.

WTAAF · 30/06/2017 18:37

I agree. Way too nice.

'The washing was wet in the machine. I would expect you to be pissed off with me if I'd just watched it rot every time I came up to look after your house while you holidayed. Not because I dried your clothes for you. See you soon.'

PovertyJetset · 30/06/2017 18:38

Never apologise. Never explain.

She owes you an apology and I wouldnt send that text as it makes you look like a mug.

GarlicAndOnions · 30/06/2017 18:45

I disagree with posters saying that message is way too nice and makes you look like a mug. Sometimes you have to be the better person and rise above it. Going to sound like a proper geek here but I honestly feel like it takes a lot more maturity to put down your sword when you know a battle isn't going to bring benefit to either side.

Do you value your friendship with this person in general? If yes, then I think that message is fine.

Blodplod · 30/06/2017 19:17

GarlickAndOnions very (very) well said.

SleightOfHand · 30/06/2017 19:24

That's it, I say give people the benefit of the doubt. Then make a decision on their reaction.

user1471545174 · 30/06/2017 19:27

I'm in the don't do anything camp.

She needs to read and re-read her bloody text on its own and perhaps she'll realise it's unreasonable.

Or leave it a day and just send "no good deed goes unpunished".

nina2b · 30/06/2017 19:29

I just don't get people who go off on a holiday - of any duration - leaving mess behind. As for wet clothes, that is ludicrous. She is utterly ungrateful and does not deserve a nice friend such as you.

honeysucklejasmine · 30/06/2017 19:35

Blooming heck, don't apologise, you were helping her!

FlamingoPrincess1212 · 30/06/2017 19:42

I'd just reply and say "sorry I've got a terrible habit of leaving my clothes in the machine and person x is always telling me to remember, thought I'd empty the washer so you had less to do when you got back, and could chuck your holiday gear right in. I know you'd do the same for me xx"

FlamingoPrincess1212 · 30/06/2017 19:45

Sorry just rtft
Hope you're alright
Yanbu

Questioningeverything · 30/06/2017 19:50

Please op, don't apologise. You did NOTHING to apologise for. If I were her I'd be thanking you for being so kind and taking you out to dinner for your inconvenience of coming over to water my bloody plants.
I'd send a simple message like:

Your clothes were wet in the machine and starting to smell. If I'd left them, after six weeks you'd have come home to a smelly house and clothes (and most likely machine) that needed throwing out.
As for the washing up, I did it so you'd have one less thing to come home to.

That's it. Ungrateful cow.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 30/06/2017 19:52

That's too apologetic for doing something nice for her. You don't need to apologise. She should be the one doing the apologies.

If you haven't sent a text yet, send the one that WTAAF has put together.

MumW · 30/06/2017 19:53

I'm a SAHM, my neighbour works. If she leaves her washing out then I bring it in if it rains. DH thinks it's interferring, neighbour is really grateful.

I also feed her cat when she goes away. In your situation, I would have done the same although I probably would have left the clothes in the kitchen. I would only go upstairs if I was worried about the cat. Eg: hadn't seen the cat for a while and the food wasn't being eaten.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 30/06/2017 19:53

Updated - the one that Questioning has put is perfect. Send that .

Deemail · 30/06/2017 20:04

I'm shocked she would react so badly to your kindness. Maybe she has something very private in her room and got annoyed thinking you saw it.

BuckingFrolicks2 · 30/06/2017 20:10

She's a clot. I'd have no problem with that at all. You were thoughtful.