To feel sad

[lovelysquish]

DD and I have co slept since the birth. She's now sleeping through most nights and in her own bed most nights (but the same room). She's 4.5yo. And DP has slept in what should be her room.

We are very close and she starts school in September. Though she's very excited, and so am I, I'm nervous.

I talked to her this morning about if she'd like her own room one day and she said yeah, I asked her if she wants to sleep in her own room tonight and she said yeah. So she's been helping move everything and swapping the rooms around.

She's gone out with my dad for a couple hours whilst I finish up but I feel really sad that she's going to be in her own room.

She's already said what if she needs me in the night or needs a wee. I've told her that she can just come and wake me up or get in the bed with us. She's nervous about that because she does have night terrors.

I'm worried about not hearing her should she be upset, crying out and unable to move during her terrors.

I know I'm rambling and it's probably nothing to you who has had their baby in their own room since 2 seconds old but this is a big deal.

I'm 70% ish finished with the change around and in all honesty I want to swap it back.

Don't even know if DP and myself will be able to sleep in the same bed as each other anymore since it's been so long.

When DD wakes up she always makes sure I'm there then she goes back to sleep, if I'm not, she comes looking for me.

Think I've made a mistake changing it.

Doesn't your dh object to be kicked out of his bedroom for 4.5 years?

I think it's really unhealthy to co-sleep for so long. When would you prefer her to have her own room?

He's been happy with it. He works FT and I'm SAHM. So when she's been up all night ill or bad sleep (she slept like crap for 4 years, only recently started getting better with it) he's been grateful to get proper sleep before work.

I didn't ask your opinion on co sleeping so long.

No you didn't. But if I'm being honest, reading your OP, I'm not sure if the co-sleeping until 4.5 years has been done in your best interests or your DD's.

I don't know about co sleeping as I've never done that, but I think it's normal to feel sad about any change that symbolises them growing up. It's bittersweet, so happy they are achieving new things but missing what's gone before.

The kindest thing you can do for yourself is make sure you enjoy every new stage to it's fullest, then you'll have lovely memories and no regrets. You sound very close and I don't think different sleeping arrangements will affect your bond.

This isn't about you, it's about letting your daughter be her own person in her own space.

She's obviously decided that now is the time so I wouldn't try and pull things back. A sad part of having kids is the fact that it's our job to raise them to be independent.

Dunno but you lost me after the dickish "you who has had their baby in their own room since 2 seconds old" comment.

It shouldn't be this big a deal it is a situation of your own making. If your 4 year old can handle it you probably need to just get a grip tbh.

I fully understand the difficulty of non sleeping dcs, my oldest was awful, but co sleeping for a prolonged period will only make it harder to adjust long term. I know it's kind of sad when the little ones don't rely on us as much, but you need to be proud of your dd for making this big change.

You don't need to worry about hearing her at night, you'll wake of she makes the slightest sound I'm sure.

Oh yeah and I'm not sure any of us let their baby sleep in their own room from 2 seconds old OP. You might want to soften your attitude if your looking for kindness and understanding, rather than straight on the aggressive.

I always feel sad when something marks the next stage. Packing away newborn clothes for the last time, selling my moses basket etc. All made me shed a tear, but, I love seeing what the next phase brings and seeing my little babies develop into their own people. I try to focus on the now rather than what's gone and I find after a few days, the new routine seems normal. I was worried about putting DS upstairs before we went to bed and not having him downstairs with us in the evenings but it didn't take long for that to be normal.
It will be a lovely time to reconnect with your oh again.

Op, in the nicest way possible, cut the cord. You're keeping her dependent to meet your own needs not hers. It's not good. At four and half she should be able to go for a wee without you being there. Let her grow and become her own person and she'll keep coming back. Smother her and she'll be counting the seconds til she can leave. Carry on with the arranging and let yourself enjoy the next stage. You'll both be fine and maybe after 4.5 years your Dp could do with a bit of attention?

I feel for you op. I bedshared with dd2 for 3 years. Was so hard when she started sleeping in her own room but she wanted to so we moved forward. You will get used to it and both be okay. I still have amazing cuddles with her before bed every night, just have loads of hugs and books and you won't feel like you've lost your baby

The '2 seconds' was sarcastic, tongue in cheek.

She's still out and I've 'just' finished her room. I'm so excited for her to see it!

But still nervous about how tonight it going to go though.

Think it's just that it's a change, she's not big on change and nor am I.

Op, people will comment & have an opinion based on everything you included.

Unfortunately, you came here for advice & people will give that based on their own opinions not necessarily fact. Although if they did use facts, they'd be able to tell you based on research that 4.5 years co sleeping is considered unhealthy.

I agree with other pp's, I feel you've had her with you all these years for your benefit and not hers.

You've created a situation that your daughter now naturally due to growing up wants to leave, however, you are now struggling with this.

My DS is 3 months old, he used to co sleep, his sleep was rubbish so I put him in his cot. At a year old he will go into his own room. This is all for BOTH of our benefits.....I want to encourage independence.

Personally this thread was solely created due to how YOU feel.

In the nicest way possible, you need to let her grow up.

Evidently.

Bloody hell how do you think working mums of kids who sleep in their own beds cope?

@Alexkate2468 and @VilootShesCute you've both basically got it in one.

When I packed away her newborn clothes I was a blubbering mess for days!! 😂. Even now when I pack away clothes that don't fit anymore it takes me back a little. Feeling like wow, I've blinked and she's gone from a 8lb tiny squidgy baby to a 4 year old with her own take on the world.

Other than the co sleeping, she's fiercely independent. I really need to watch her with it!! 😂

Don't worry, they adapt. My daughter wanted her own space by about 2 (though at nearly 7 still comes in during the night a couple of times a week), my 5 yr old son still joins us every night at some point. Normally in the middle of the night but I'm not really aware. People seem to make this weird assumption that this sort of thing is led by the mother and the poor deprived father has no say and is hard done by. 😂 I know a lot of families with similar arrangements and that isn't the case with any. My husband shares my feelings on the subject, and is stronger in them in some respects! In fact #3 (see, co-sleepers do have sex 😂) is due in Autumn and DH is already planning the massive bed he is going to construct to fit all 5 of us. Our current king size, plus a single plus a co-sleeper cot. The whole room will be one giant bed.

If your DD is keen then encourage it and provide reassurance - which it sounds like you are doing anyway.

And tbh she might hop back in tonight anyway!

It's just one of those things that will cause you sadness and unease to begin with but if all goes well tonight I would imagine after a week you will feel fine.

And just think of those morning cuddles you'll both be racing to have!

Of course you feel sad. Your DD is moving on, out of your room and to school too, soon. Things are going to be different and you two are going to be a little more separate than you have been.

However just cos you feel sad it doesn't mean it's not the right thing. Your DD sounds ready.

And the new stage with a dc at school brings a whole load of new joys and opportunities for shared experiences and feeling proud.

By now she has internalised you and you her. You don't need to be physically close in order to feel close - you're in each other's hearts.

Good luck and enjoy these last few weeks before the new academic year.

And where is the research, the facts regarding co-sleeping being bad at 4.5? I've certainly never seen any.

Yes YABU. She's 4, ffs

Nah, bedsharing isn't bad. Blimey my dad was one of six boys and they all shared a room as their parents had a small house and no money post war. It was more normal back then and none of my uncles have had separation issues as they grew up. It worked for us so we did it. Fair enough it isn't for everyone but then every single child and human is different, thank goodness!

Your post comes across badly, with your unnecessarily sarcastic and nasty comment about other mothers (I guess none of us measure up to your standards eh?)

It seems like you place a lot of your own issues onto your child's head, crying for days over baby clothes?? Really??

Your dd isn't big on changes? Hmm, can't think where she got that fear from.

Do you have anything else in your life besides your dd? Because it seems like it's not the healthiest of relationships, no wonder she can't wait to get into her own room.

She doesn't sound like she can't wait, stop making things up. 😂

My daughter has just turned two and co-sleeps. This thread has kicked me up the arse a bit to start moving her to her room.
You actually sound really dependent on your daughter and like you're holding her back which isn't fair at all. She's not a baby anymore. Time to allow both of you to grow up.