To feel sad

[lovelysquish]

DD and I have co slept since the birth. She's now sleeping through most nights and in her own bed most nights (but the same room). She's 4.5yo. And DP has slept in what should be her room.

We are very close and she starts school in September. Though she's very excited, and so am I, I'm nervous.

I talked to her this morning about if she'd like her own room one day and she said yeah, I asked her if she wants to sleep in her own room tonight and she said yeah. So she's been helping move everything and swapping the rooms around.

She's gone out with my dad for a couple hours whilst I finish up but I feel really sad that she's going to be in her own room.

She's already said what if she needs me in the night or needs a wee. I've told her that she can just come and wake me up or get in the bed with us. She's nervous about that because she does have night terrors.

I'm worried about not hearing her should she be upset, crying out and unable to move during her terrors.

I know I'm rambling and it's probably nothing to you who has had their baby in their own room since 2 seconds old but this is a big deal.

I'm 70% ish finished with the change around and in all honesty I want to swap it back.

Don't even know if DP and myself will be able to sleep in the same bed as each other anymore since it's been so long.

When DD wakes up she always makes sure I'm there then she goes back to sleep, if I'm not, she comes looking for me.

Think I've made a mistake changing it.

For the PP who's DH was building a bed, and the OP with her beds pushed together - have a read of this........
www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/TheWorks-Biggest-Bed-World/0007711190/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1498899557&sr=1-1&keywords=the+biggest+bed+in+the+world&tag=mumsnetforum-21

We love this story!

I don't really get co- sleeping tbh and I know that's not a popular opinion on here.

All my kids were breast fed but were in their own rooms from birth and bought into our bed when night feeding or we were so exhausted we just gave in and let them. Having a baby in the bedroom for 4.5 years is not conducive to adult relations and isn't healthy IMO.

With a small baby I am a great believer in making "adult time" and the night is normally the only opportunity when the baby is asleep.

I think you should always encourage you child to be independent of you although of course reassuring them and being there when you need them.

I am old school though.

OP what we found helped the transition was DD3 going in her own bed but one of us getting in with her at bedtime for the first few days weeks If she woke overnight we did the same.
It's difficult to make the effort to not just grab them into bed with you to go and lie on the edge of a cold, kicky toddler filled bed but it really worked here.
Take your bed out of the equation until mornings.

DD is 5. We live in a one bed flat so we all share the bedroom. She has her own bed,but due to the proximity,she ends in our bed most nights.
She is fiercely independent,can entertain herself,gets dressed by herself in the morning,will get herself a snack etc. She is not scarred for life or held back and is developing as she should.

I'll try that book!

@FeralBeryl I'd get into the bed with her, if it wasn't a bunk bed that would collapse under my fat ass the weight of an adult 😂

@RebelRogue ❤. See, needs must. It works for you! ❤

The constant love heart emoji is rather irritating misses point

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

"Having a baby in the bedroom for 4.5 years is not conducive to adult relations and isn't healthy IMO."

Does this mean that Asian, Latin-American and African family relationships are inherently unhealthy? Interesting.

I think the OP is quite enjoying this now

I'm fascinated to hear about the research that says co sleeping is unhealthy.

Anyone?

Having a baby in the bedroom for 4.5 years is not conducive to adult relations and isn't healthy IMO.

DD at 5 is fucked then. Especially since the situation won't change for another year or two.

Better start a therapy fund for her.

Baby in the parents's room - groovy

Mother and baby in parents' room while father sleeps in baby's room - potentially less groovy

The oldest I personally know of is 15 years!!!!

Each to their own.

Me too Rebel

And the vast swathes of the world where everyone sleeping together is the norm.

Wonder if Live Aid would do a benefit gig?

The important thing here, obviously, is what about the menz?

'I want to encourage independence'.

Sadly, OP, most people are CLUELESS about the benefits of co-sleeping and opinions like this ^ are prevalent.

You've done brilliantly letting her decide when she feels ready to branch out on her own. DS1 is the same age and still pops into my bed most nights.

Let them become independent in their own time. They will benefit in the long run.

The important thing here, obviously, is what about the menz?

Ugh I find all that 'menz' stuff so tedious. I just happen to be of the opinion that it may be better for all familial relationships if co sleeping with your child doesn't also mean a four year sabbatical from sharing a bed with your partner. Crazy I know!

Well said, Yoko - we don't "encourage independence" with 3,4,5 year olds when crossing roads, or making decisions about living on coke and pizza. We don't tell our 6 year olds to be independent on the internet, or to independently decide to talk to strangers. But sleeping? Holy fuck, we're ruining them if we aren't insisting on their own bed at 6, 5,4....and much, much younger...

We also don't routinely "encourage independence" by withdrawing from our small children during their waking hours.....

It's funny also - people are worried about the DH sleeping alone...but think the small child should...

Why is that funny? I'd imagine most 4 year olds have their own bed. And why can't the three co sleep together? Or is that a funny thing to suggest.

The oldest I personally know of is 15 years!!!!

A 15 year old sharing a bed with his/ her parents? Assuming that 15 year old is NT I think a few aprons strings need to be cut pronto.

I dunno Squoosh - it's something I've been mulling over recently- lots of adults prefer to sleep with someone, but with small children there's often a drive to get them sleeping alone.

It strikes me as odd I guess, now I've started thinking about it.

Who says everyone co sleeps in Latin America?

Lived on Central and South America for 10 years, and non of my friends co-slept

If anything, they are big time into c-sections, bottle feeding and full time maids/nannies

Maybe it's a class thing though

But sweeping statements like "all Lat Americans/Asians co-sleep is just untrue"

My Asian relatives don't co sleep either....

Back to OP: just do what suits your girl, it's about her

(I didn't mean funny haha...)

And if the bed size is appropriate, all three in together isn't funny at all!

We have 4 in a king size quite regularly. And still managed to conceive #3. 😂