To feel sad

[lovelysquish]

DD and I have co slept since the birth. She's now sleeping through most nights and in her own bed most nights (but the same room). She's 4.5yo. And DP has slept in what should be her room.

We are very close and she starts school in September. Though she's very excited, and so am I, I'm nervous.

I talked to her this morning about if she'd like her own room one day and she said yeah, I asked her if she wants to sleep in her own room tonight and she said yeah. So she's been helping move everything and swapping the rooms around.

She's gone out with my dad for a couple hours whilst I finish up but I feel really sad that she's going to be in her own room.

She's already said what if she needs me in the night or needs a wee. I've told her that she can just come and wake me up or get in the bed with us. She's nervous about that because she does have night terrors.

I'm worried about not hearing her should she be upset, crying out and unable to move during her terrors.

I know I'm rambling and it's probably nothing to you who has had their baby in their own room since 2 seconds old but this is a big deal.

I'm 70% ish finished with the change around and in all honesty I want to swap it back.

Don't even know if DP and myself will be able to sleep in the same bed as each other anymore since it's been so long.

When DD wakes up she always makes sure I'm there then she goes back to sleep, if I'm not, she comes looking for me.

Think I've made a mistake changing it.

Fair play, OP! hope you've all had a lovely night's sleep x

Look at it this way: you've done well in the sense that your DD is secure, independent and keen to move on a stage. Bask in your success!

@SolomanDaisy That's why I don't take people seriously with it. People feeling sorry for her, no need, she's happy.

@LogicalPsycho Oh I think someone needs to calm down a little... maybe have a whisky or 10. 😂

@lelapaletute I know, a lot of people on this thread have been super grouchy haven't they 🙄. Is love to see the 'research' people have 'read' on the side effects of co-sleeping! 😂🤦‍♀️

@SenseiWoo Thank you ❤

@livefornaps Thank you, she eventually fell asleep around 8pm, when I went to bed it was strange for me too so it took me ages to fall asleep!

She woke up and got in bed with us about 11:30pm! 😂. Little madam actually got in and woke me up and said 'hi mummy, just wanted a cuddle, move up'

Well done her for managing it for a few hours! IME it'll gradually get longer.

I'd love the people who think co-sleeping holds kids back to meet my DS, he's the most confident, outgoing child you could meet. (Also, I coslept until I was 5. Managed living alone in another country, encouraged by my parents, at 19...)

I feel most sad for your DH, personally.

Doesn't sound like the DH is overly bothered. Why do people assume it is always the mother leading these things?

She did well OP. My son just clambers in and we don't notice, unless he tells me.off for stealing 'his duvet'.

I found it hard to stop co sleeping with my baby at 6 months so can appreciate it's sad! I had to go and get him from his room on the first night, the first time he woke up! I just wasn't ready. The following night I decided to be brave. He actually has woken up much less since sleeping in his own room (always been a terrible sleeper).

I thought I was helping the situation having him in bed with me but turns out it was just making it worse.

It might have been comforting to him to have me next to him but it was also cause for him to wake up much more.

You might find she sleeps more deeply and longer in her own bed.

Think positive, it has to happen one day and will do your relationship a world of good for you to be sleeping in the same bed again!

(With your husband I mean)

@SolomanDaisy That's the funny thing. I hate being away from my parents. So much so I live less than 200yards from them!

@MissBax If you feel that sorry for him, come keep him company.

@MissBax surely it's down to him how he feels about it? A lot of adults in relationships don't share a bed for various reasons (snoring, different work schedules, personal preference) and still have happy, loving relationships. Some even find it adds spice to their relationship, as you don't fall into that familiar, reading-and-farting-in-bed-together routine and you have to plan and make an effort to maintain your sex life (or be very spontaneous and uninhibited - kitchen floor while the stew cooks anyone? )

I personally really miss my OH the nights he has to leave our bed because baby is too fussy for him to get some sleep before work... But it makes sense for both of us to be able to get as much sleep as possible. Co-sleeping and occasional bedsharing allows me as s breastfeeding mum to get mine... Sometimes sleeping in the spare room allows him to get his. I don't see any harm in s couple choosing together to make this a more long term arrangement!

Don't even know if DP and myself will be able to sleep in the same bed as each other anymore since it's been so long.

That bit did jump out at me.

@Elephant17 I thought that might be the case also, but she actually got up loads before she eventually fell asleep. Then got in our bed at 11:30 ish. Then woke up a few times to tell me she loves me ❤

@MitzyLeFrouf Well you'll be glad to know we managed just fine.

I kind of understand OP. we coslept with our DCs till about the age of 2.5-3yrs. They loved it. But went to their own beds in own rooms quite happily too. I also BF my youngest till she was 4.5yrs and it was a bit sad, like an end of an era. But we were both happy to move on and we have fond memories of BFing and co-sleeping.

Even now, we sometimes co-sleep (they are 8 and 7!) when we have guests to stay and it is always a treat to have them in our bed, they love it and fight over who gets to sleep with us, and they take turns as only room for one of them at a time! DH loves it too.

It'll be fine OP.

Op, you sound like a lovely mum who is letting your DD go at her own pace.

I would happily be woken up for my baby to tell me he loves me!!! How adorable.

@DataColour Thanks ❤

@Pollydonia Thanks too ❤

@Elephant17 It was quite sweet, she cuddled right into me after that and snuggled in my arms till she fell asleep 😍❤

Aw lovelysquish that's adorable

Move on OP and look forward to the new things you will do together.

I realise the thread has moved on but just to make the point you can work and Co sleep

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/jun/30/life-about-loss-letting-go-especially-with-our-children

You might find this a helpful read (hankies at the ready though). I read it earlier today and your post made me think of it.

I alwats try to think: for everything they grow out of, they grow in to something new.

TBH it's only western cultures that segregate families. Out in the big blue yonder a rather large percentage of the worlds population will be multi-generational co-sharing living and sleeping space.

Lets face it, if MN were taken to be true, no one would ever talk to any other family member ever - certainly not in-laws - and would quite probably get a vial of sperm and self impregnate

So, no it's not a cultural norm for the UK, but if it works for you, then so be it.

Ah op I feel for you. I've co slept with my dc and it's very upsetting when they move into their own room. It's funny how you spend many nights moaning because they are led on you awkward or they are kicking you in their sleep and then the next minute you have a big bed to yourself and you feel lost. Some people will say this isn't normal or healthy blah, blah but honestly if it's worked well for you then there's no problem. I co slept with my mum till I was about 5 I think and I do remember being really excited to go into my own room and although I missed snuggling with my mum and feeling safe with her, being in my own bed soon became the norm. And yes I've shed many tears over outgrown baby clothes. I've even been known to get upset throwing away their first plastic beaker some people may find that odd but hey, ho it's just cause we love our dc so much all the best op

Hi OP. You might find using a basic baby monitor helpful while she adjusts to her new room. You'll still be able to hear her and you can tell her she can talk to you through the little device if she needed to instead of coming to your room. I remember my DD used to love having conversations with me through the monitor when she wasn't particularly sleepy. Good luck!

Thanks all :).

The second night went worse than the 1st! We're all shattered.

She was in the bed for about 10:30 and had night terrors all night. Poor kid.