To feel sad

[lovelysquish]

DD and I have co slept since the birth. She's now sleeping through most nights and in her own bed most nights (but the same room). She's 4.5yo. And DP has slept in what should be her room.

We are very close and she starts school in September. Though she's very excited, and so am I, I'm nervous.

I talked to her this morning about if she'd like her own room one day and she said yeah, I asked her if she wants to sleep in her own room tonight and she said yeah. So she's been helping move everything and swapping the rooms around.

She's gone out with my dad for a couple hours whilst I finish up but I feel really sad that she's going to be in her own room.

She's already said what if she needs me in the night or needs a wee. I've told her that she can just come and wake me up or get in the bed with us. She's nervous about that because she does have night terrors.

I'm worried about not hearing her should she be upset, crying out and unable to move during her terrors.

I know I'm rambling and it's probably nothing to you who has had their baby in their own room since 2 seconds old but this is a big deal.

I'm 70% ish finished with the change around and in all honesty I want to swap it back.

Don't even know if DP and myself will be able to sleep in the same bed as each other anymore since it's been so long.

When DD wakes up she always makes sure I'm there then she goes back to sleep, if I'm not, she comes looking for me.

Think I've made a mistake changing it.

No the 15 year old still shared a room with her Mum because she couldn't sleep on her own. It had become a platonic marriage...

No idea when/if it has stopped - completely NT!

I agree smile, it doesn't sit right with me when parents are snuggled up together all cosy and children are alone and separate. Anyway, you have to do whatever works for you. I can only really talk about co-sleeping on here because no-one I know in RL 'gets' it. Apart from my lovely friend whose mum wrote 'Three In A Bed'.

I must be s terrible mother from some of the replies on here. I still co sleep with my 1.5 year old, but only because I'm in a 1 bed flat in a room big enough for 1 bed.

It might be like that for years so I guess she's doomed.

the 15 year old still shared a room with her Mum because she couldn't sleep on her own. It had become a platonic marriage...

I'd be worried if my 15 year old was too nervous or unable to settle when sleeping alone.

I co-slept with dd1 for years. By accident really as she was a nightmare sleeper and when I fell pregnant with ds I just ended up putting a double bed in her room and sleeping with her just to save getting up and down all night! She was about the same age as op's child when I finally moved back into the marital bed. OP I also felt bereft that she 'didn't need me' any more. I never needed to co-sleep with ds but did end up in wth dd2 when her sleep when to pot after the first year. By then it was more about actually sleeping than worrying about where!

Now I actually find it quite hard to sleep with DH. And he finds it hard to sleep next to me!

Your dd will still need you OP - you'll still hear her when she does. She's just growing up. Hang in there and you'll get used to it.

Thereal, as far as I know, surveys have shown that co-sleeping is far more common in Latin America, many countries of Asia (notably Japan) and Africa.

I have no experience of non-European countries but have noted that people seem far more relaxed about children coming into parents' beds in Scandinavia. My db often used to end up sharing a bed with his partner, 3 children and 3 cats. All perfectly well adjusted (except the cats, they are dead. But from old age, not co-sleeping).

I get you OP. I never thought I would co-sleep so long but we haven't been able to move out of a one bed flat so I'm still in with my three year old. I love it! I know he'll have his own room one day and that's fine. I think it's your daughters choice.. I'm sure she'll still pop in with you sometimes. It'll be good for you and DP to sleep together again.

This has made me giggle :).

I've just woke up and DD is still in her room! Kinda missed her getting in with me for a cuddle but least I can get up for a pee without being told 'mummy stop moving' 😂

I really don't understand people who get upset that their children are moving to the next stage, it makes absolutely no sense to me.

I can sort of understand where you're coming from OP. My DD is 6 months and is in a cot in our bedroom - I know that realistically we need to think about moving her into her own room, but the thought of not just been able to roll over in bed and see her makes me a bit sad! (I know she'll only be in the next room, but the speed at which she's growing up is scary!)

We have kids and they grow up.

@GirlOnATrainToShite Holy shit. Kids grow up? Is that what they do?

I was wondering why the lady at the bus stop was staring at me when I was bottle feeding DD and was trying to wind her.

I'll have to inform my aunt right away! She's breast feeding my cousin. My cousin is only 20, bless her.

😑🙄

Nah people in Asia don't co sleep UNLESS they are so poor they are all squished into one room. Where they co-sleep out of necessity.

You sound almost gleeful your DD had a bad night and had to come back to your bed. You also sound like my sister. One DD. Co slept till 10ish. She is now in her second year at Uni. Got a load of internships in London for the summer. We live in London and she could stay with us. Sister won't let her because 'you are away at Uni and I will miss you too much over the summer.' Niece was angry but is resigned to it. 'You know how Mummy is.'

Co sleeping isncommon in Japan because there is a space shortage. 6 year olds travel by themselves to school on the Underground in Japan. The Japanese are pretty big on independence at what I think is an absurdly young age btw.

You have some weird trains of thought OP.

Is your slightly lame attempt at humour an attempt to stem a degree of panic?
I noted you said that you lived close to your parents and had been unable to move away.
Please ensure that your DD is free to make her choices without emotional blackmail (and kids are sensitive). My niece agonised over going to St Andrews because of what 'Mummy would say' even though ostensibly Mummy hadn't said no.

I love very close to my parents because both have health issues and I'm the only child that'll actually help out when either needs something.

I think you should have another baby! Your DD would become more independent as they relish the big girl status,and you would perhaps not cling onto the baby co-sleeping type arrangement if you have another little baby that properly needs the closeness and comfort.

I'm not saying you are consciously dragging your DD back, but, for example, when a lot of parents have their DC of that age come into their bed at night/need a wee, they are generally told to leave and go back to bed straight away! It's lovely that you still offer that comfort but as long you do offer it, she will continue to 'need it'.

I speak as a parent of 3 small dc, and I co slept with each till a year)

When I was pregnant with dd I'd never heard of co-sleeping. When I did find out about it I thought it was "odd" and something I'd never do. Then my appalling little sleeper came along and I co-slept to save my sanity, for years in the end. She still used to come up for a cuddle in the night sometimes aged 9 or 10! But now aged 11 she's fiercely independent, wants a brief kiss and hug goodnight then shuts the door and flakes out. She loves her own company and has her own style and interests.
My ds (7) starts the night in his own bed but is usually snuggled up next to me at some point in the night. I don't usually notice him getting in. I've got no worries about his development and independence. He's funny and clever, leaves me without a backward glance at school and is fiercely loving and affectionate.
You do what works for you. You all sound happy and flexible. I don't really get the criticism. Like you say, it's great if your babies sleep happily alone from the start. But it can also work fine if they don't, as long as you're all happy with it, which it sounds like you are . It won't last for ever. Enjoy the cuddles is my advice!

Sympathise with the bad sleeping we had to co sleep through part of the night until 3.5. But your DD has indicated it's time to move on so you really need to take her lead on this. Is part of this about being unsure about sharing a bed with DH?

@Itsjustaphase2016 should OP just keep having babies then? Cause they all grow up..

Itsjustaphase! A word of advice don't just suggest someone has another baby. You don't know why they don't. Not having a sibling for a DC is often a great source of sadness. And to indicate that not having one is somehow causing the problems is insensitive beyond words. Would you tell a childless couple to have a baby to solve their problems????? Speaking as a mum of a now very independent and socially adept only having a sibling seems to cause as many issues as not! If someone had written a post like yours at the height of our secondary infertility struggles I'd have spent the rest of the day sobbing!

I don't think there is anything wrong for missing co-sleeping with your child, I find it sad that this is not balanced by the excitment of sleeping with your husband again.

Sad that the joy you express with her sleeping in her room is being able to go for a pee.

I co-slept with my DD for 3 years. This was due to health issues and her waking up many times at night and needed resettling. OH wasn't happy about it. The truth was that although I co-slept as a need, I also was quite happy that it meant not sharing a bed with him. There were issues in our relationship and we did separate in the end.

I hope that's not the case for you at all, but do find it sad that the only comment you've made about your OH is how he was fine about the situation. It's all about missing your DD, nothing at all about the happiness of sharing a bed with your husband once again.

@Itsjustaphase2016

We are trying to conceive. Recently had early miscarriage. Thanks.

I'm still co-sleeping with my four year old. She was a terrible sleeper from the beginning, reflux and constipation so would only sleep on either me or my my husband. We even bought a queen sized bed so we could sleep comfortably. She's told me that when she is five mummy can sleep with daddy.
It works for us. Every parent knows what is best for their child. Crack on