To feel sad

[lovelysquish]

DD and I have co slept since the birth. She's now sleeping through most nights and in her own bed most nights (but the same room). She's 4.5yo. And DP has slept in what should be her room.

We are very close and she starts school in September. Though she's very excited, and so am I, I'm nervous.

I talked to her this morning about if she'd like her own room one day and she said yeah, I asked her if she wants to sleep in her own room tonight and she said yeah. So she's been helping move everything and swapping the rooms around.

She's gone out with my dad for a couple hours whilst I finish up but I feel really sad that she's going to be in her own room.

She's already said what if she needs me in the night or needs a wee. I've told her that she can just come and wake me up or get in the bed with us. She's nervous about that because she does have night terrors.

I'm worried about not hearing her should she be upset, crying out and unable to move during her terrors.

I know I'm rambling and it's probably nothing to you who has had their baby in their own room since 2 seconds old but this is a big deal.

I'm 70% ish finished with the change around and in all honesty I want to swap it back.

Don't even know if DP and myself will be able to sleep in the same bed as each other anymore since it's been so long.

When DD wakes up she always makes sure I'm there then she goes back to sleep, if I'm not, she comes looking for me.

Think I've made a mistake changing it.

You can't help how you feel but I think your dd sounds like the sensible one. How exciting for her having her own room.

LuchiMangsho Sun 02-Jul-17 07:42:58
"Nah people in Asia don't co sleep UNLESS they are so poor they are all squished into one room. Where they co-sleep out of necessity."

Not sure this is true. Japan is strong on co-sleeping even when not constrained by poverty.

The Swedes also seem less judgemental about it than the Brits and they are not exactly pushed for space.

I have Japanese friends living in Europe who co-sleep. Also Finnish, Israeli, Surinamese, Dutch friends who co-sleep. It's very, very common. If you don't know loads of people who co-sleep it's probably because you're a bit of a judgemental fucker who they don't mention it to.

OP, sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It's shit.

I co-slept with no 1 and am doing the same with baby no 2. Just not for four years! So I doubt they aren't mentioning it to me because I am judgemental. I think co-sleeping is fine. But kids do need to learn good sleeping habits and preventing them from learning that because it is upsetting for you, is counter productive.

And thanks for the abuse. 'Judgemental fucker'. Charming. What the anonymity of the internet does to civilised people eih?

Nah, if you were judging people like that in real life, particularly when they'd just shared an emotional moment for them, I'd describe you as a judgemental fucker. It's not the internet that does it to me, it's witnessing judgement and lack of empathy.

Erm. I didn't say anything REMOTELY unkind. I shared an anecdote about my sister and the long term consequences of this. Stranger talks about slightly OTT reaction to a normal life event. Plenty of people tell her she's being OTT. I point out/warn her that this could have long term unintended consequences. A complete other internet stranger comes on to abuse me.
Sounds accurate?
Btw I have to her face but kindly, told my sister to back down vis-a-vis my niece. Especially over Uni choice when she was going to turn down a place because 'Mummy might miss me.'

Oh school mum once told me that her 7 year old DD wouldnt sleep unless she was holding Mum's hair. So Mum hadn't been out at night for 7 years and couldn't move at all. DD would get hysterical even if Mum was downstairs. I sympathised but also did think WTF and asked her kindly what she was going to do about it. Her response was similar to the OP's 'oh but they grow up so soon' and I did think that blimey, there was a limit to maternal martyrdom.
And I say that as a extended breastfeeding, co sleeping, sling carrying mum.

Anyway, go on. Feel good about being rude in the name of empathy

I didn't cosleep ( hubby wasn't having any of it) but I know that horrible feeling when they grow up a tiny bit more.
My son went in his own room at 10 weeks as outgrew his crib. I sat in the bath tub clutching my video monitor sobbing, hubby thought I had lost the plot. I even considered sleeping in the floor in his room. I got over it pretty fast when I realised the pure bliss of having my room back!

Lived on Central and South America for 10 years, and non of my friends co-slept

Am from a v v working class Latin American family. None of my relatives co sleep except the one who had to because they only had the one room. It really irritates me when people bang on about these "cultures" which do extended breastfeeding, co sleeping etc etc as if that proves this is the "natural" way to be. It's often like this because they are too poor to do anything else.

Each to their own - I had my 17mo in my bed last night (he's teething, usually in his own bed) and it was bloody awful, didn't get a wink of decent sleep.

The cuddles in the morning are lush but I get those anyway.

How is extended cosleeping unhealthy? Children having their own rooms is a relatively modern concept, a sign of an affluent society and you'll probably find that the majority of the worlds children share a room with parents simply because they don't have the space for each child to have their own room. I'd like to see the research you're talking about.

Yeah also I should have mentioned I lived in Asia for 18 years and v few people I knew co-slept and my own Asian parents didn't co sleep with me and none of my cousins did.

Weird how many people are concerned about the DH while saying that the OP should have booted her child out of the bedroom years ago. Maybe she's just trying to encourage her DH to be more independent? He needs to grow up some time, after all!

Why are some people so prickly when others suggest that maybe spending 4 years in separate beds isn't the best thing for a relationship?

her 7 year old DD wouldnt sleep unless she was holding Mum's hair. So Mum hadn't been out at night for 7 years and couldn't move at all. DD would get hysterical even if Mum was downstairs. I sympathised but also did think WTF

Now that is bonkers.

'Prickly'

I don't find it at all hard to believe the OP when she says her husband's fine with this, but then I'd be fine with it myself. I love sleeping alone. Find it puzzling that more adults don't - while expecting children to be totally fine with it!

Luchi, I have no idea why you think my post was aimed at you. The thread is full of people it applies to. Though pretending there were no negative implications behind your anecdata is interesting. My anecdata says the opposite- my parents co-slept with me and then encouraged me to live abroad at a young age. I coslept with my DS and he's very confident and outgoing. Do you take me repeating that as a neutral response to the OP?

I get it. I recently stopped cosleeping with my 5yo and my toddler is still in with me, just in a bed next to me instead of in my bed.
You should be proud that she has been mature enough to decide to sleep in her own room. If you are upset, make sure she never sees it and be nothing but positive about her sleeping alone. I agree with another poster that although co sleeping is great for both parent and child, it should only be for as long as the child is comfortable as their needs take priority. My 5yo didn't want to but the bed was getting far too cramped.
What made it harder for us was that I used to lie next to both kids until they fell asleep. Took a good 2-3 weeks for DS to be able to fall asleep alone. He now goes to bed happily, though, but comes through to me in the night, sometimes as early as 11:30 . He has only managed one full night but was absolutely chuffed with himself and he got a little reward for that.

I don't sleep as well when he's in his room as I do when he's next to me; nothing feels nicer to me than waking in the night and seeing their little sleeping bodies. However, independent sleeping means preparing him for sleepovers with friends and is an important skill to have. Focus on that for you DD; she will be having school friends round soon and you don't want them making fun of the fact she sleeps with mum. They probably wouldn't at that age but that was a little concern of mine.

OP, reading to her in her bed and having a quick cuddle will soon become just as special as co sleeping. You will still wake for every nightmare. I always check DS's temp with my hand (not a thermometer, I'm paranoid but not mental) before I go to bed as I have the same panic as you, that somehow I won't know if he's not well, etc. I best stop this before he's 16 otherwise he's going to think I'm a creepy nutcase

DHs parents (from the Philippines) co-slept with him till he started primary school. They weren't poor or overcrowded, they were living in a normal 2 bed flat in London at the time, and are very MC back home.

We co-sleep with DS (15 months) and he's very confident and outgoing.

She'll be okay OP :)

My 4.5 year old co-sleeps with me (and he even still breastfeeds once or twice a day ) and when the day comes that he chooses to sleep in the crazy-awesome bedroom that's waiting for him, a little part of my heart will break. It will be fabulous for him to have developed that extra bit of independence but it will be bittersweet to say goodbye to the last vestiges of babyhood.

And before anyone accuses me of stunting him terribly by letting him sleep with company for as long as he chooses - he was walking before he was 10months, doing addition and subtraction at 2. Reading whole books, writing and typing and riding a bike at 3. Now he can operate a computer, identify 30+ dinosaurs on sight, has a great grasp of numerous physics concepts, solves really complicated puzzles in minutes. He sometimes plays out unsupervised, can peel and chop veg, climb trees really well, is surprisingly good with a baseball bat, is starting to learn to play music. But he's mostly just a child who spends days playing and being happy and silly.

'We co-sleep', 'We co-slept', We shared a king bed. Sounds normal & healthy. I think a situation where a husband is replaced in bed by a child and not part of the co sleeping for several years is not so healthy.

Well she slept in her own room all night Saturday and Sunday night.

Last night she was up. A lot. Then something happened so DP and I were woken at 3am. I've been up since.

So so tired.

Oh poor you Squish stay positive, she did very well over the weekend, lets see this as a blip!

@FeralBeryl Thanks. I'm not too bothered, as she was rough getting to sleep last night so kinda knew she'd end up in the bed. Dp and I have had no 'issues' sleeping together again.

When we first moved in together we ended up having to take turns to sleep on the sofa due to his hellish snoring! But he's not woke me once with it!