When they're not actually brothers!

[3isthemagicnumbersoimtold]

I have three children

DS is 10 and twin DS are 7. My BIL and SIL have a son who is 9. From when he was born they've always been very set that he would be their only child. Fair enough not my business.

Anyway my boys are very close and get on well with each other. twins are identical and very close and older DS is a good big brother to them.

They get on well with their cousin and see him once a week (perhaps every two weeks) at my MIL. He's a lovely boy too and they get on well.

Anyway, last week they were upstairs playing and nephew came downstairs very upset saying my oldest DS had been mean to him. I asked DS to come downstairs to explain what was going on. DS came downstairs and explained that my nephew (his cousin) had said to him that he's just as close to him as the twins and they're brothers too. I think DS was maybe a bit blunt and said that cousins weren't as closely related as siblings. Nephew said that my BIL and SIL had told him they were as close. I quietly said to DS that he shouldn't hurt nephews feelings and that he wants to be as close as my DS is to his twins brothers, it wasn't harming anyone and it's lovely that he feels close to them.

Anyway, that was that I thought. But no, i had a text from my SIL who said she thinks my DS is incredibly mean and rude for telling nephew that he is not as close to them. I don't even know what to reply to her. It's just bonkers! They're not brothers!

I feel like I've been dragged into a strange argument that biology and genetics would set straight! Aibu to just tell her to piss off?

I read the first page and couldn't read all the other 10. Can I offer some advice if I may?
I totally understand not reading the full thread but it does mean that you can end up offering redundant advice if the story has moved on, as in this case.

Hence why I asked it as a question - I took the risk. I did actually read the last page aswell - and it sounded as if they were still texting.

But thank you so much for pointing that out. I wonder what you actually gained from writing that? Sounds very condescending!

I'd gloss over it, something like: Even the closest of families fall out sometimes, I'm sure the boys will sort it out soon.

You sound like they're seeing each other plenty, and as a mum of one I would love my son to see his cousins that much, but probably it's just that they're feeling bad when their son wishes he had more siblings. I feel bad too, just wasn't to be. Guilt over only child? (i.e. Not your monkey, not your circus so don't feel bad you're just in the cross fire)

M

Well speaking from someone who's brother was much closer to his cousin than me his sister growing up I'd say cousins can be as close as siblings. I find it quite bizarre that a group of closely related kids who play together regularly are being encouraged to rank closeness on basically a very small difference. In some cultures cousins are encouraged to be as close as brothers. What is factually correct is that they aren't brothers what isn't factually correct is they can't be as close, I've noticed this on holidays when parents are forcing siblings mismatched in age to play together rather than head off and play with say a group of kids playing football.

Agree with maxandruby 100%

But thank you so much for pointing that out. I wonder what you actually gained from writing that? Sounds very condescending!
You're welcome.
No not condescending, just trying to help you not look dumb in the future.

She's justifying the fact that they are close to ease her guilt that he's an only child. My son is an only child and is close to his cousins too. Don't be mean to her -just explain that they are all 'close' and it's lovely but it won't be the same as siblings. Take it as a complement and leave it there -at the end of the day does it doesn't really matter that much?!

So she's used text to complain! (I hate when people do this). Tell her you'll have a chat with her next time in person. I dare say she'll see how reduculous she is when she hearing herself saying it out load

*loud

*Ridiculous

Surely it's very simple: they are COUSINS not brothers.

That doesn't meant they won't get on. They can still get on beautifully and be close to each other, but they are NOT brothers.

Just like OP has said, she wouldn't tell her DS that he is a triplet with the twins, because it's not true.

The fact that the SIL has turned this into a massive issue makes me worry a little.

It sounds to me as though this issue has come up because of BIL and SIL telling him their DS that his nephews are in fact his brothers. Obviously, this will confuse the cousins, who do really know what the difference is between siblings and cousins. As DN doesn't have any actual siblings, he might even be confused about the difference if his parents have actually misled him about his relationship with his cousins.

This should have been a storm in a teacup. The fact that it has caused this kind of upset does suggest to me that the DN's parents have managed to confuse him about the nature of family relationships. But if it's left alone, the kids will be able to work out their relationships with each other for themselves as they grow up.