Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Overweight colleague - how should I intervene more?

290 replies

chompychompychompchomp · 28/06/2017 10:52

I work closely with someone who in very overweight. She's a lovely colleague to have, works well and is friendly but is very unhappy at being so overweight. She's constantly trying out new diets to help her loose weight and has my full support. However, she has some ingrained misconceptions about food and drink which are inhibiting her ability to eat and drink more healthily.

For example, she raves about drinks like Oasis saying how drinking them is just like drinking water despite me showing her the ingredients and bringing her attention to how much sugar there is. I've explained that excess sugar will not help her to loose weight but she says it's nonsense.

She'll snack throughout the day on nuts saying that constant eating is helping to keep her metabolism up thinking that if she's not eating, her body's not metabolising food.

For lunch, she'll eat a salad laden with mayo and cheese saying that it's healthy as it's just eggs and dairy, ie.natural food.

We went out for a Chinese lunch last week as a team and she ate huge amounts as well as other people's leftovers. Other colleagues are getting fed up with her saying how she doesn't understand why she's so overweight and she doesn't listen to anyone's advice.

It's been left me (decided by team), as I get on best with her, to ask her to either stop talking about her weight or to eat more healthily. I'm not sure what to say to her without offending her. Help!

OP posts:
Shakirasma · 28/06/2017 11:29

She is an adult. She wants to lose weight but she doesn't want to change what she eats, so she is pretending to herself and everyone else that she is not eating unhealthily.

There is nothing you can do to change this, only she can do it.

Stop engaging with her comments, smile, nod, and change the subject to work related stuff if neccessary. IT is not your job to get involved with this.

EnglishGirlApproximately · 28/06/2017 11:29

Good god I've heard it all. The fact that your manager thinks it's in any way appropriate to ask you to discuss this with her makes me think she'd be better off finding another job. Just change the subject if you don't want to listen to it. I work with someone who talks endlessly about meditation, mindfulness and spiritual healing which I have no interest in so I just zone out

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/06/2017 11:29

Hmm. I am wondering if your username shows the real contempt you have for your colleague OP....

PortiaCastis · 28/06/2017 11:30

Christ what an extremely nasty place to work for
Hope she takes the lot of them to court.

harderandharder2breathe · 28/06/2017 11:30

Your manager is throwing you under a bus. It is absolutely not your place to do this. If her going on about diets/food is stopping her or others working then the manager needs to manager and tell her to talk less and work more. That is the ONLY time it would be appropriate to intervene and it should be done by management and the focus be on the way it's affecting work NOT that she's fat and talking bullshit.

Ffs say nothing, do nothing. Stop joining in the work bitching.

harderandharder2breathe · 28/06/2017 11:30

*manager needs to manage

Emmageddon · 28/06/2017 11:30

So you are a perfect size 10, eh?

Leave your colleague alone. What you and your various line managers are doing is BULLYING.

What a spiteful and malicious thread.

chompychompychompchomp · 28/06/2017 11:31

It sounds like it's the colleague who is constantly going on about food and weight, otherwise the team would not be fed up to hear about it!

She does constantly talk about food and her weight. It's all she talks about. I'm part-time and everyone else is full-time so I can imagine it would be a bit much.

OP will have her own misconceptions about food though. Are her team secretly in discussion about the amount of caffiene she drinks etc

I'm sure they are. As I said, it's not a very nice place to work.

OP posts:
DoomGloomAndKaboom · 28/06/2017 11:32

Yes, stay out of it. Ignore, disengage, change the subject when she starts.

She is clearly in denial about why she's not losing weight. There's nothing you can do to help her (which you know) but asking her to stop talking about it is just asking for trouble for everyone.

Leave it to the unsympathetic people to say something.

PollyPerky · 28/06/2017 11:32

I am shocked at the comments saying 'It's none of your business'.

There is a big difference between taking the initiative and talking to someone about their weight (which would be wrong) and responding to their comments about how they are trying to lose weight.

If someone is having a conversation with us about anything how can it be 'none of our business'? Confused

The fat colleague is bringing it up.

If she is 'flaunting' her efforts to lose weight but at the same time showing complete ignorance, then I'd talk to her about each of those points, just the same as if someone was talking about buying a new car and had misunderstandings about its performance or reliability, and they were completely misinformed, and in danger of making a mistake.

You can 'put someone right' without it being a judgemental .
conversation.

I don't think it's right that you OP have been chosen to talk to her- that's bonkers. I don't think any one should 'talk to her' as if it's an Office Mission. But I do think that if she brings it up herself, you can offer help if that's what she is asking for in a roundabout way.

WinnieTheMe · 28/06/2017 11:33

Oh god, this thread ia horrific. I hope your workplace gets hauled through an industrial tribunal and she takes you all to the cleaners. What a terrible place of employment!

DJBaggySmalls · 28/06/2017 11:34

Your manager cannot ask you to speak to her about her weight. If they want to help her they can pay for her to see someone and send her to
a gym. Keep out of it.
If she talks about food or diets, have a stock phrase handy and change the subject.

Lweji · 28/06/2017 11:35

I'm part-time and everyone else is full-time

And you're also the weakest link to speak to her.

SwedishToast · 28/06/2017 11:35

Op I find it boring when people drone on and and on about their children/partners/hobbies. You can't stop them though.

chompychompychompchomp · 28/06/2017 11:35

Hmm. I am wondering if your username shows the real contempt you have for your colleague OP....

My niece's soft toy horse is called chompychompychompchomp. I've had it a while. Nothing to do with this thread.

So you are a perfect size 10, eh?

Errr, no. Nothing with this thread anyway. And in fact, there are a number of overweight people in the office. They seem t be the most fed up with my colleague.

OP posts:
LovePeaceAndHarmony · 28/06/2017 11:35

I wouldn't usually say something like this, because it's not my place to say it.

But why have you created a thread about this poor lady, I have read the whole thing and it's just horrible.

Coddiwomple · 28/06/2017 11:36

There is a big difference between taking the initiative and talking to someone about their weight (which would be wrong) and responding to their comments about how they are trying to lose weight.

If someone is having a conversation with us about anything how can it be 'none of our business'?

this.

JayneAusten · 28/06/2017 11:36

Stop participating in workplace bullying. That is all.

GnomeDePlume · 28/06/2017 11:38

It does sound a deeply unpleasant place and one which you and your colleague would be well off out of. Bitchy cliques have a nasty habit of breaking one person until they leave then moving on to their next victim.

BeepBeepMOVE · 28/06/2017 11:38

God fat people who don't listen to skinny people re food are so annoying. Like seriously you are fat, we are not obviously we are doing the right stuff.

She sounds like an idiot, I certainly wouldn't want her working for my company. Oasis is no better that coke!

livefornaps · 28/06/2017 11:38

Op, your username is @chompychompychompchomp....? Grin sorry but that gave me a good laugh!!!

You and your managers etc are completely out of line, this woman is a grown adult & her weight can't be "managed" by you

Baalam · 28/06/2017 11:39

*God fat people who don't listen to skinny people re food are so annoying. Like seriously you are fat, we are not obviously we are doing the right stuff.

She sounds like an idiot, I certainly wouldn't want her working for my company. Oasis is no better that coke!*

Shock is this a serious post??

MrsJayy · 28/06/2017 11:39

The op has been talking to her about oasis and mayo she is choosing to ignore it she is a food bore I am surrounded by them where I work her weight is nothing to do with the team at work her over eating and then moaning should be ignored the woman does not seem interested in healthy choices she sounds a pain in the arse but it isn't up to the op to tell her that it is up to a manager or HR if she is causing disharmony in the workplace

URaflutteringcunt · 28/06/2017 11:40

Just say to your manager that you are not comfortable discussing how a team members eating habits are affecting the work place as you do not feel this is fair, legal or part your role. And that you will no longer participate in exclusive group meetings that are specifically about other team members personal issues.

GherkinSnatch · 28/06/2017 11:40

Again - what part of this is bullying? No one is saying "God, we hate that fat cow Joyce" that we know of. No one is wanting to make her lose weight. If she is spouting constant nonsense, about anything, that will grate on people. I'm happy to have it explained to me, but I don't see that saying "No. That's just not true at all. Everyone knows that excess sugar leads to weight gain." is bullying.

Swipe left for the next trending thread