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Original poster

Overweight colleague - how should I intervene more?

290 replies

chompychompychompchomp · 28/06/2017 10:52

I work closely with someone who in very overweight. She's a lovely colleague to have, works well and is friendly but is very unhappy at being so overweight. She's constantly trying out new diets to help her loose weight and has my full support. However, she has some ingrained misconceptions about food and drink which are inhibiting her ability to eat and drink more healthily.

For example, she raves about drinks like Oasis saying how drinking them is just like drinking water despite me showing her the ingredients and bringing her attention to how much sugar there is. I've explained that excess sugar will not help her to loose weight but she says it's nonsense.

She'll snack throughout the day on nuts saying that constant eating is helping to keep her metabolism up thinking that if she's not eating, her body's not metabolising food.

For lunch, she'll eat a salad laden with mayo and cheese saying that it's healthy as it's just eggs and dairy, ie.natural food.

We went out for a Chinese lunch last week as a team and she ate huge amounts as well as other people's leftovers. Other colleagues are getting fed up with her saying how she doesn't understand why she's so overweight and she doesn't listen to anyone's advice.

It's been left me (decided by team), as I get on best with her, to ask her to either stop talking about her weight or to eat more healthily. I'm not sure what to say to her without offending her. Help!

OP posts:
Madbum · 28/06/2017 11:04

And stop discussing her as a team as well, it's fucking awful of you all to be discussing her personal issues behind her back and devising plans to shut her up. Take a look at yourselves ffs!

Madbum · 28/06/2017 11:05

Yeah ok OP

MissionItsPossible · 28/06/2017 11:06

Thing is, our manager is also fed up. Any complaint she may make re.discrimination will be quashed by him as he's one of the people who has asked me to speak with her...HR too

Erm, WHAT? You should think about putting in a complaint against both your manager and HR (though I don't know who you'd complain about the latter too). How dare they put the onus on you. If they bring it up again say you will absolutely not speak to her about it as it's none of yours, or anybody else's business. If she is sensitive and won't shut up about her diet and somebody snaps at her that is not your fault.

viques · 28/06/2017 11:07

honestly ? I think the only thing you can do in such a situation is suggest to your concerned colleagues that if you are all so worried you look at ways of making the work culture a healthier place for you all, eg if you have a cake culture for birthdays suggest that you change it to a fruit platter culture.

any thing else, talking to her, offering advice, etc etc would be intrusive and officious. as others have said she knows what she is doing, anyone who has been on diets knows about hidden sugars etc.

MrsY · 28/06/2017 11:07

If her line manager and the HR department have concerns about her behaviour, they need to bring it up themselves. Not side step a difficult conversation by asking you.

It's none of you business.

Grilledaubergines · 28/06/2017 11:07

You get on with doing what your paid for and leave your adult colleagues to look after themselves.

Isetan · 28/06/2017 11:07

She's in denial and denial is very powerful, you or your colleagues aren't going to get her to snap out of it. Don't say anything, you are not responsible for being the buffer between her and your colleagues.

witsender · 28/06/2017 11:07

It is absolutely nothing to do with any of you. Your manager and HR are bang out of order, and this is all.so unprofessional.

araiwa · 28/06/2017 11:09

Is she the type who would burst in to tears if you started being blunt everytime she brings up being fat, diets or food?

URaflutteringcunt · 28/06/2017 11:09

Oh are you all nutritionalists? Has a team of nutritionalists been discussing who should speak to her about her problems? Or are you all just a bunch of normal people talking behind someone's back about their issues, delegating who should speak to her, and all the while probably having your own misconceptions about food too. Being thin doesn't make you healthy, none of you are experts so she'd be within her rights to have you for bullying. HTH.

HipsterHunter · 28/06/2017 11:10

Oh god how annoying.

I don't think you can say anything other than change the subject!

PinkHeart5911 · 28/06/2017 11:10

The 'magic nutritionist' and the healthy recipe book are good ideas, thank you Umm no they are not, it is rude oh here you go tubby have a healthy cook book. Do you normally go round buying people in the office cook books?

Not you, your manager or hr have any right to tell her to stop talking about food or go on a diet. I mean for ffs it's hardly a offensive thing for her to talk about is it?

monkeywithacowface · 28/06/2017 11:10

Have reported the thread, sorry OP your last post was a stretch too far for me....

Starsandwishes · 28/06/2017 11:10

If she wants to loose weight she will do when she is ready. I have put on 3 Stone in a year. I want to loose it but I'm not in the right mind set just now.

Maybe she does not want to loose weight but is just saying what she thinks people want to hear.

monkeywithacowface · 28/06/2017 11:11

There's an awful lot of posts about fat people on MN these days Hmm

Isetan · 28/06/2017 11:12

The issues surrounding obesity and compulsive eating are complex, if having a chat could solve them, it wouldn't be the problem it is.

As frustrating as her behaviour is, the behaviour of your colleagues and your boss is way worse.

HipsterHunter · 28/06/2017 11:12

Oh are you all nutritionalists? Has a team of nutritionalists been discussing who should speak to her about her problems?

You don;t need to be a nutritionist to know that drinking sugary drinks all day when you are fat isn't helping your weight loss....

hmcAsWas · 28/06/2017 11:14

I can't believe how intolerant people are in your workplace. Plenty of colleagues bore on about pet subjects - the best way to deal with this is to not comment / ask questions etc when dieting subjects are brought up and to change the subject

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 28/06/2017 11:15

Good Lord alive, it's not up to you to do anything at all unless she asks you directly! Disengage and butt out quite frankly.

URaflutteringcunt · 28/06/2017 11:15

Btw it's lose not loose, so when you file your report/present back to your team on the excluded team members appearance and how your chat went, you can at least spell it properly.

Coddiwomple · 28/06/2017 11:15

The 'magic nutritionist' and the healthy recipe book are good ideas, thank you Umm no they are not, it is rude oh here you go tubby have a healthy cook book. Do you normally go round buying people in the office cook books?

You miss the point, if the obese colleague is constantly talking about diets and losing weight, you just put "Oh, my friend just went with xxmagic nutritionistxx and lost 4 stones, have a look, she sounds amazing" and leave it there.
It sounds like it's the colleague who is constantly going on about food and weight, otherwise the team would not be fed up to hear about it!

QuimReaper · 28/06/2017 11:15

It is staggeringly unprofessional of management in your workplace to "elect" you to talk to her Hmm Neither being overweight nor being in denial and woefully misinformed about nutrition are disciplinable or sacking offences, so that's the end of it.

Charlieandlola · 28/06/2017 11:16

Sounds like a horribly bullying place to work - colleagues and your manager discussing her fatness behind her back or vi email / messenger , excluding her from these discussions and then nominating you to pass on the collective decision ?

I'm glad I don't work there .

Anyone with a shred of decency would not engage any further and get on with the job you are paid to do .

URaflutteringcunt · 28/06/2017 11:16

Hipster - no but OP will have her own misconceptions about food though. Are her team secretly in discussion about the amount of caffiene she drinks etc

Coddiwomple · 28/06/2017 11:16

There's an awful lot of posts about fat people on MN these days

there's an awful lot of fat people in the world these days, but it's a very touchy subject whilst commenting about anorexic people seems perfectly acceptable Hmm

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