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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Overweight colleague - how should I intervene more?

290 replies

chompychompychompchomp · 28/06/2017 10:52

I work closely with someone who in very overweight. She's a lovely colleague to have, works well and is friendly but is very unhappy at being so overweight. She's constantly trying out new diets to help her loose weight and has my full support. However, she has some ingrained misconceptions about food and drink which are inhibiting her ability to eat and drink more healthily.

For example, she raves about drinks like Oasis saying how drinking them is just like drinking water despite me showing her the ingredients and bringing her attention to how much sugar there is. I've explained that excess sugar will not help her to loose weight but she says it's nonsense.

She'll snack throughout the day on nuts saying that constant eating is helping to keep her metabolism up thinking that if she's not eating, her body's not metabolising food.

For lunch, she'll eat a salad laden with mayo and cheese saying that it's healthy as it's just eggs and dairy, ie.natural food.

We went out for a Chinese lunch last week as a team and she ate huge amounts as well as other people's leftovers. Other colleagues are getting fed up with her saying how she doesn't understand why she's so overweight and she doesn't listen to anyone's advice.

It's been left me (decided by team), as I get on best with her, to ask her to either stop talking about her weight or to eat more healthily. I'm not sure what to say to her without offending her. Help!

OP posts:
FatGirlWithChocolate · 29/06/2017 22:05

It doesn't matter how someone became overweight, their weight should never be an excuse for talking about them or treating them any differently than you would if their size was more "acceptable" to you.

Princess1985 · 29/06/2017 22:12

Is the problem here not her weight but her banging on about her weight.. just say give it a rest with the diet and food talk your making me hungry all the time.

TequilaSunshine · 29/06/2017 22:52

Not read all the thread, but absolutely what burntbum said:
I think that you need to say nothing. Just don't engagement discussion about diets or change the subject. She knows full well why she is fat but is in denial. Until her head is in the right space there is nothing that you can say or do that will help. Upsetting her by asking her to stop talking will probably lead to her going home and comfort eating.

Unless her head's in the right space, she's not going to take anything in about losing weight or do anything about it.
I could do with losing several pounds stone and know exactly what to do, but don't do it.
It needs to "click." She hasn't.
It's not your place to say anything, you'll just make her feel crapper. Change the subject when she starts up, obviously not too blatantly, but gently Smile

Mammyashy1 · 29/06/2017 23:17

Omg if you have to say something just keep doing what your doing. Do not tell her to eat healthy or shut up 😯. I've been on a weight loss journey and if anyone had said that to me I would have prob comfort ate. Losing weight will only happen when she's in the rite mindset. For years I was trying this and that to lose weight and it never worked if I'm truthful it's me that was self sabotaging myself. One day something clicked and I lost 3st slowly but surly. No one can make someone lose weight they have to do it themselves x

MummyShah369 · 29/06/2017 23:20

Why not sign her up for secret eaters or other tv program lots out there. Alternatively get a work kitty together for her to get professional help.

PortiaCastis · 29/06/2017 23:23

Fat discrimination in the work place will end up in court

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 29/06/2017 23:24

Agree with the many posters who have said you are all bullying her.

Disgusting.

TequilaSunshine · 29/06/2017 23:54

I noticed that the rest of the office were glaring at her more than usual and many were 'tutting' overly loudly and some were rolling their eyes more noticeably than before. She didn't seem to notice or wasn't fazed.

Just seen this. That's bullying, surely? Not acceptable even if it is annoying if she keeps going on about her food.
None of your damn business. (Office wise.) Be nice.

mermaidsandunicorns · 29/06/2017 23:54

What the actual fuck

Does this poor poor woman's weight in any way impede her performance

This woman realises she's has an issue and it may be down to her own denial or lack of nutritional knowledge but whatever the reason it's none of your business

The employer should value her on her contribution as an employee not her fucking size Jesus

You all sound horrible

quizqueen · 29/06/2017 23:58

Just get the manager to send round a general email saying that there's too much chitchat in the office and get on with the job then no one is singled out so you have an excuse to cut her off if she is talking to you. At breaks, just get up and stretch your legs and walk away if she talks about food/diets. If everyone does that every time then she should get the message that you don't want to hear it.

PortiaCastis · 29/06/2017 23:59

Take it the rest of the office bullies are a size 6

StrangeLookingParasite · 30/06/2017 06:59

teal125

  1. RTFT.

(Applies to quite a few other posters too).

Flyfisherlady · 30/06/2017 07:32

Your colleagues sound horrible. Also, I think that you are dressing your own prejudices as supposed concern. You are certainly AIBU and not being a good friend or colleague

SwissChristmasMuseum · 30/06/2017 07:39

Flipping nora. And there was me thinking that one of the major advantages of being an adult was that one didn't have to put up with this kind of crap any more.

Leapfrog44 · 30/06/2017 10:18

Are you mad?? Say nothing. Anyway she's right about natural foods like cheese fine she just obviously just has some other issues.

Just be drawn, don't 'be supportive', don't be involved!

TrueLove83 · 30/06/2017 10:20

This is such a toxic and horrible work environment - what a nightmare

Leave the woman alone!

Terrible behaviour.

You all need help not her.

YogaDrone · 30/06/2017 11:14

The thing is that it sounds like the other members of staff wouldn't care about this woman's weight and diet attempts if she wasn't constantly talking about them.

It's quite hard to say something is someone is talking nonsense right in front of you but ignoring or just taking the "smile and wave" approach is best here.

YogaDrone · 30/06/2017 11:17

garbled that!

I meant that it's quite hard to say nothing if someone is talking nonsense at you

sproutish · 30/06/2017 11:48

Sabine my housemates were like that! One of them got a juicer and both of them kept telling me I should/needed to do a juice diet. Another time I had some cheese and crackers in the evening and I got sneered at, told I should've waited til tomorrow because they weren't hungry and I should only eat when they do. They were a pair of horrid little twods.

FeeLock28 · 30/06/2017 20:57

Suggest you speak to the colleagues who are egging (sorry!) you on to speak to her, that it's not an appropriate discussion to have in the workplace.

Sofabitch · 30/06/2017 21:01

Perhaps being bullied at work is what makes her proclaim so hard about her diet. She probably feels the need to justify everythingshe eats to avoid being judged.

ForalltheSaints · 30/06/2017 21:26

Don't bring cake or other calorie rich food into the office.

Ethylred · 30/06/2017 21:29

Tell her politely that her weight is a boring subject. If she keeps on about it then tell her rudely.

DownstairsMixUp · 30/06/2017 21:37

Just say you aren't comfortable discussing diets etc and change the subject

Aki99 · 22/12/2017 11:07

As ive tried it myself I would suggest slimming world but only if she brings it up again - never start the conversation. If she were speaking to me saying how she doesnt understand why she is not loosing weight I would (as you have already done) point out that sugar is relatively speaking worse than fat for weight gain and if she doesnt take on your advice back off

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