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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overweight colleague - how should I intervene more?

290 replies

chompychompychompchomp · 28/06/2017 10:52

I work closely with someone who in very overweight. She's a lovely colleague to have, works well and is friendly but is very unhappy at being so overweight. She's constantly trying out new diets to help her loose weight and has my full support. However, she has some ingrained misconceptions about food and drink which are inhibiting her ability to eat and drink more healthily.

For example, she raves about drinks like Oasis saying how drinking them is just like drinking water despite me showing her the ingredients and bringing her attention to how much sugar there is. I've explained that excess sugar will not help her to loose weight but she says it's nonsense.

She'll snack throughout the day on nuts saying that constant eating is helping to keep her metabolism up thinking that if she's not eating, her body's not metabolising food.

For lunch, she'll eat a salad laden with mayo and cheese saying that it's healthy as it's just eggs and dairy, ie.natural food.

We went out for a Chinese lunch last week as a team and she ate huge amounts as well as other people's leftovers. Other colleagues are getting fed up with her saying how she doesn't understand why she's so overweight and she doesn't listen to anyone's advice.

It's been left me (decided by team), as I get on best with her, to ask her to either stop talking about her weight or to eat more healthily. I'm not sure what to say to her without offending her. Help!

OP posts:
sleeponeday · 29/06/2017 18:42

Don't be the fall guy for your lazy boss.

Completely agree.

I feel really sorry for the colleague - and for you actually, OP. It's just pretty nasty every which way. Not professionally managed at any level.

JaneEyre70 · 29/06/2017 18:54

Unless the person's weight is causing an issue at work (ie unable to physically complete part of their job), then there is no reason to mention it whatsoever and I'd be very careful about doing so. She may be overweight but that is her lifestyle choice and has no impact on her role at work presumably. On a personal level, disengage with any talk about diets/weight and change the subject. She'll soon realise that no one is entering into the discussion with her. I'm overweight myself although trying to do something about it, and I'd be devastated to know that people were talking about it...........

UnderseaPineapple · 29/06/2017 18:57

Not so. You could eat a chocolate bar for breakfast/lunch/dinner and be skinny and unhealthy as fuck. Equally you can run triathlons and be overweight.

A, yes you can be thin by only eating chocolate - if you only eat three Mars Bars a day that's only 780 calories.

B, I've never seen a fat runner. Seen plenty of obese people walking in triathalons stuffing their faces with energy gels as if their very existences depended on them, though. There is no such thing as a fat athlete.

The only way to lose weight is to calculate your Total Daily Energy Expenditure and Base Metabolic Rate and eat less calories than that figure.

But no, the obese won't do that because their genes, their conditions, their medication, etc. Rubbish, the only thing that makes you gain weight is eating more calories than your body can use up.

joolsy67 · 29/06/2017 19:08

A. @undersea pineapple needs to stop judging people she doesn't know. B. Mind your own business.

Lweji · 29/06/2017 19:15

So, OP, after someone else talked to her, what was the result? Wink
Or were you off today?

Original poster
chompychompychompchomp · 29/06/2017 19:30

We were both working a full day today. She didn't mention anything and nor did I. Everything was as normal and yes, she was talking about food pretty much incessantly as usual.

I noticed that the rest of the office were glaring at her more than usual and many were 'tutting' overly loudly and some were rolling their eyes more noticeably than before. She didn't seem to notice or wasn't fazed.

The person who spoke to her yesterday was in, but I didn't speak to them either. I'm keeping out of it. I'm leaving soon - ish anyway and just want to get on, do the job and go. This is how I've approached this particular contract anyway though feel dragged in to the office gossip re. her weight/ food-talk due to being the person who speaks with the colleague in question the most.

OP posts:
Original poster
chompychompychompchomp · 29/06/2017 19:31

So yeah, business as usual...!

OP posts:
StillDrivingMeBonkers · 29/06/2017 19:34

B, I've never seen a fat runner. Seen plenty of obese people walking in triathalons stuffing their faces with energy gels as if their very existences depended on them, though. There is no such thing as a fat athlete.

Have you not? I work with a girl who regularly runs marathons and she is perpetually on a diet as she is 3 stone over weight - and I do mean excess fat not muscular, she wobbles.

Lweji · 29/06/2017 19:35

Good for you, avoiding it, though. I hope the next place is better.

Original poster
chompychompychompchomp · 29/06/2017 19:42

Thank you Lweji

I've got a couple of months left to go but am counting the days!

OP posts:
Mummmy2017 · 29/06/2017 19:45

Maybe next time she comments on it you can point her to an app that counts the calories for her, so she can see how much she is eatting, after all you can show her the calories in the drink and the nuts..

ktp100 · 29/06/2017 19:50

Fat runner here! And never had ano energy gel sachet in my life. Just sayin'

buttercup54321 · 29/06/2017 19:50

Its none of your business. Don't get involved. If your colleagues want something done let them do it themselves.

teal125 · 29/06/2017 19:51
  1. Stop engaging in conversation
  2. Advise your colleagues that they could be sacked for highlighting her issues with weight in an unsympathetic way.
  3. Consider why this is an issue for you so much. We all have personal challenges that we would like to achieve and know would be good for us but are unsuccessful. Focus on your own failures
4 you seem to be very alert to everything she is eating - try and not focus on it. Why does it bother you?
PortiaCastis · 29/06/2017 19:55

Does colleague post on social media about your weight OP as she may not like what you're eating?

OnTheRise · 29/06/2017 20:04

I don't understand how it's anyone's business what this woman eats, what she weighs, or whether she diets or not.

Having a talk with her to issue ultimatums about it is incredibly controlling and blaming.

If you don't want to talk to her about dieting, just don't engage. Next time she brings it up, don't respond, or change the subject. Easy.

But talking to her about how she has to stop talking about dieting seems on the verge of bullying to me.

cushioncovers · 29/06/2017 20:10

Unless her weight is stopping her from doing her job then it's not for anyone to comment on.

styledilemma · 29/06/2017 20:11

chompy chomp, out of interest, what advice would you give her?

What foods would you advise her to give up and what would you encourage her to eat more of?

AnnaBonnett · 29/06/2017 20:15

I would say nothing unless she asks. If she mentions not eating maybe say some people find writing a good diary a good way of tracking what they eat and where they need to make changes as sometimes we forget what we've eatien during the day.

caringcarer · 29/06/2017 20:16

You say she works hard and is a good colleague. I would keep it that way by not upsetting her. At my dh workplace they have a diet club with weekly weigh in. It is optional of course but dh says people get quite competitive and walk round and round car park at lunch time too. Maybe if your work did something like this she would join.

sadie9 · 29/06/2017 20:16

Could the constant talk about it be her trying to show that she is 'trying everything' and 'is aware of it' and sort of 'look if I keep telling you I'm trying so hard with different things maybe you'll accept me'.
She's not really looking for advice. Because she has the beliefs she constantly tells herself that keep her safe from change.
Next time she says something about it, just acknowledge her efforts and then move on or shut up. So say something like 'well you seem to be trying hard with it' or 'I can appreciate your difficulties trying to figure out what to do'. Rather than comment on the actual calories/theories/sugar healthy eating etc. If it was that simple, she'd have done it already.

GabsAlot · 29/06/2017 20:45

thy asked you to talk to her about her dieting isnt that discrimination

everyon has an annoying colleague but theyre crossing the line

mathanxiety · 29/06/2017 21:03

it's not a very nice place to work

You can put a cherry on that..

This woman's weight is nobody's business but hers. Nobody has any right to 'intervene'.

The only thing you should be advising her about is that she might need to hire a solicitor to address the fact that she is working in a hostile environment.

Everything that is said to her about her weight by any of her co-workers or the so-called manager should be recorded by her and used against the lot of you.

leighb23 · 29/06/2017 21:10

UnderseaPineapple

How dreadfully judgemental of you. I am diabetic and have polycystic ovaries. Both conditions make you more likely to become overweight AND makes it harder to lose the bloody weight. So. I'm sorry to shoot you down.... well no I'm not actually.

Crumbs1 · 29/06/2017 21:49

Yes undersea - unkind and overly judgemental. Can you imagine having rheumatoid arthritis that stops any effective exercise and is treated with steroids that result in weight gain? Or maybe having liver problems that result in significant fluid retention, a huge belly and limits exercise? Or possibly a metabolic disorder that results in weight gain? Or Prader Willis that causes compulsive eating such that sufferers eat cigarette ends.