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AIBU?

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Original poster

Overweight colleague - how should I intervene more?

290 replies

chompychompychompchomp · 28/06/2017 10:52

I work closely with someone who in very overweight. She's a lovely colleague to have, works well and is friendly but is very unhappy at being so overweight. She's constantly trying out new diets to help her loose weight and has my full support. However, she has some ingrained misconceptions about food and drink which are inhibiting her ability to eat and drink more healthily.

For example, she raves about drinks like Oasis saying how drinking them is just like drinking water despite me showing her the ingredients and bringing her attention to how much sugar there is. I've explained that excess sugar will not help her to loose weight but she says it's nonsense.

She'll snack throughout the day on nuts saying that constant eating is helping to keep her metabolism up thinking that if she's not eating, her body's not metabolising food.

For lunch, she'll eat a salad laden with mayo and cheese saying that it's healthy as it's just eggs and dairy, ie.natural food.

We went out for a Chinese lunch last week as a team and she ate huge amounts as well as other people's leftovers. Other colleagues are getting fed up with her saying how she doesn't understand why she's so overweight and she doesn't listen to anyone's advice.

It's been left me (decided by team), as I get on best with her, to ask her to either stop talking about her weight or to eat more healthily. I'm not sure what to say to her without offending her. Help!

OP posts:
Coddiwomple · 28/06/2017 12:11

Not employing obese people is surely discriminatory
might be, but so much easier than having an earful of complaints every time someone use the word "fat" in the office, even on completely innocent topics.

There's a thread where the OP is at loss with her husband who complains about discrimination because he's being asked to do the same things as non-fat people! (or something like that, feel free to read the thread for an accurate description)

specialsubject · 28/06/2017 12:13

the only issue work wise is that she is the office bore.

If she's been through years of education and still believes the diet-babblers, there's nothing to be done. Yes, you could state the facts but she will no doubt see them as insults, and it isn't your place or anyone else to police her health. That is her business.

Tell the manager that. Work on ways of changing the subject from ultra-dull chatter about food, diets etc, but that's it.

scottishdiem · 28/06/2017 12:13

HR should be sending her to some external support as part of a health thing.

If a colleague is constantly moaning and ignoring her own behaviors and dragging the moral of the team down then something does need to be done. But that is for HR, not you OP.

Everybody has a right to work in an effective and conducive work atmosphere and having one colleague who disrupts that can be very vexing.

RoseTico · 28/06/2017 12:13

Why are they way out of line if the woman is constantly talking about her weight problems at work? If you don't want something to be a work issue - don't bring it to work.

But I'd have to agree with the pp's who say not to engage with it anymore. If she brings it up again, point her to her nearest branch of WW or SW and leave it at that.

PortiaCastis · 28/06/2017 12:14

I'm not looking for threads I look for facts anyway this case is very interesting

www.personneltoday.com/hr/obesity-discrimination-first-uk-tribunal-finds-obese-worker-eligible-for-disability-protection/

URaflutteringcunt · 28/06/2017 12:15

Yeah, challenging fat discrimination is such a bore coddi. I'd rather employ a team of skinny people so we can have free reign on the fat banter without anyone getting upset or making tedious. I'm not happy unless I've insulted at least 10 people a day.

Anatidae · 28/06/2017 12:15

Not employing someone overweight for an office job is discriminatory

Banging on about food and dieting in the workplace is unprofessional.

I have worked with people who dissect every single calorie and judge everything others eat and it's awful - I once had one of them tell me off for enjoying a chocolate bar at break time when I'd had a ten km run before work, the judgey cow...

Work is work. Keep the chitchat to inoffensive stuff.

PortiaCastis · 28/06/2017 12:20

Another article on obesity bias

www.obesity.org/obesity/resources/facts-about-obesity/bias-stigmatization

Coddiwomple · 28/06/2017 12:20

PortiaCastis

Shock

thank you for the link! I will forward it around, it's really good to know and be prepared, it really proves my original point.

I work in a place where we don't tolerate bullying or harassment, but we don't tolerate bullshit either or expect ridiculous political correctness at all time, just common sense. If people don't like it, they are free to work somewhere else. It works very well. You just have to try to be careful who you employ.

PortiaCastis · 28/06/2017 12:22

People should be employed on capability not weight

Lweji · 28/06/2017 12:26

URaflutteringcunt

Waiting for the pp who takes your post at face value. Grin

Coddiwomple · 28/06/2017 12:26

People are also employed on their ability to get on with others and to be team players. There's a job to be done, no one has time for petty school ground fights.

TheClacksAreDown · 28/06/2017 12:27

I think, depending on your workplace and levels of experience, there is a way through this. And that would be as part of a general mentoring style discussion about her future, what it takes for promotion etc.

So the key issue to focus on here isn't really that she is overweight, it isn't that she doesn't understand nutrition, that she is or isn't on a diet. The key issue is that she is talking about food all the time and in doing so is damaging her working relationships. And so as part of a broader discussion I think it could be possible to say that you've noticed That she looks to discusses her interests in food quite a lot in the office. And whilst it is fine for her to want to bring her "whole self" to work, when colleagues talk a lot about their preferred topic it can quickly become boring for others who are less interested in food, running, quilt making etc. If there are examples of how Bob from accounts is always boring people about his running or weekend caravanning. And so she might want to just think about whether it would be negative to her gravitas to continue. Absolutely no mention of weight or diets, none.

To do this thought you need to be more senior or he same but longer in the tooth and she has to be interested in progression. If you're not or she is not this must go back to her manager.

BuzzKillington · 28/06/2017 12:27

None of your business. i feel sorry for her working with such meanies.

And it's lose, btw.

Elendon · 28/06/2017 12:28

She kind of gave them permission to judge what she eats by opening a discussion on it.

She didn't and perhaps it was a gambit opening on a conversation. She is allowed to eat what she wants without censure. She hasn't joined a slimming club, she's in work. And happens to be overweight (whatever that is, perception is all).

PortiaCastis · 28/06/2017 12:29

The key issue OP is does her weight affect her job performance or anyone else's?

Clandestino · 28/06/2017 12:29

I would suggest, in the nicest way possible, to stay out of it.
Don't get involved. No matter what your intentions are there, you will end up being the meanie.

anchor9 · 28/06/2017 12:30

what does this have to do with you? you aren't her doctor.. smile politely and carry on with your own life.

Lweji · 28/06/2017 12:30

People are also employed on their ability to get on with others and to be team players. There's a job to be done, no one has time for petty school ground fights.

So, you expect overweight people to not get along with others and not be team players? And engage on petty school ground fights?
Can you clarify it?

MrsOverTheRoad · 28/06/2017 12:31

It's quite frustrating when someone moans about their weight but then refuses advice.

However..it's more than their "ignorance" at play here...it's an addiction and it's complex too...lots of lying to oneself.

A colleague of mine used to complain a lot to me about his weight...one day he moaned that he was starving by 11 and so must need a bigger breakfast...I asked what he usually had and he said "Not much...just a bacon sandwich"

It was actually, I later learned, a fried breakfast on a sandwich with bacon, sausages and two eggs plus butter.

But in his head it was a "bacon sandwich" my suggestion of porrige and fruit was scoffed at.

PortiaCastis · 28/06/2017 12:32

It is not for a place of employment to tell someone what to eat!

Oliversmumsarmy · 28/06/2017 12:35

Surely when someone pointed out to her that the stuff she is eating is not going to make her lose weight and she argued it did wouldn't the next line be along the lines that if it was why was she still overweight.

BoffinMum · 28/06/2017 12:38

It is really none of your collective business unless a certain BMI is a requirement of the job (e.g. electrician who needs to fit in small spaces, trampoline instructor who becomes too heavy to demonstrate, that kind of thing). Suggest you all back off.

chestylarue52 · 28/06/2017 12:38

One thing that you can personally do is promote a culture of no 'fat talk' at work - no talking about diets, weight, appearance etc

nedic.ca/fat-talk

Say that you find it uncomfortable and you'd rather change the subject.

SenseiWoo · 28/06/2017 12:49

Everything TheClacks said.