To think that my new assistant is behaving unprofessionally?

[ShabuShabu]

My firm has finally assigned me a new assistant so I no longer have to share, which is great. Her work thus far is okay, and I'm willing to wait till she's more familiar with the place when it comes to having initiative. There have been several hiccups in our relationship though.

1. I insist on most people calling me by my last name because in my culture first names are a bit "intimate" and tend to be reserved for close friends and family. I have never had a problem when making that request but she refuses to do this because in her words, "I love your name!"

1. She's in charge of my personal scheduling which does include snippets of my personal life, and she has taken it upon herself to gossip to her peers about it.

AIBU to think this is unacceptable behaviour? If I were of a higher rank I wouldn't have qualms about expressing my discontent, but at my level it feels like moving into a new neighbourhood and establishing yourself as the #1 complain queen.

Wheres the giving and taking on our part there then What?

Allowing people to live in our country, for a start. Look at places like Australia and Japan; their laws regarding emigrating there are vastly different.

Calling a custom from another culture "odd" is xenophobic. Oh and ignorant

PS: May I ask what industry you're in? Just being nosy.

Oh my mistake decaf! Yeah that is dodgy. Possibly. I think I'd question it. The pa might have just said 'ask Shaba she knows about the school'? Which I don't think would be too badz

Sack her! Sympathy for PA all gone.

Asking other people to follow your culture is odd. Other cultures are not odd. There is a large difference between those two statements.

Thanks for clarifying, OP. Goodness, we all had you on here as a dragon insisting that the whole company called you Miss Powertrip. Just wanting to be called "X" (gosh, that would be good, if you were really called "X" - how enigmatic !!) is fine and she should abide by that.

The dating thing... how does the assistant know? You must have told her, as it's not something that would really feature in an office diary (unless there were a few afternoon assignations ).

For example:

Wearing a head scarf because your culture dictates it. Yes completely fine.

Demanding your employees wear one, very odd.

Asking other people to follow your culture is odd.

Err no..why is it?

Just read your update. I'd be tempted to think - re your point 2 - that that is more likely to be similar to my DH's PA who thought he was marvellous. The receptionist will have mentioned the school and the PA will have said, "Oh, Shabu's ex's child goes there. Isn't she marvellous - still keeps in touch etc etc." Is it gossip? Yes, it is, strictly speaking. But if you told her, she maybe didn't realise it was a secret (if someone had mentioned my boss's sons' school, I may well have said "Oh, Stephen's sons go there - you should ask him", not thinking I was betraying any sort of confidence). So I'm in two minds about that one on the basis of that one example.

Re point one - does everyone else call you "X"? If she then insists on "Y", then that is odd.

And lets extrapolate into something the OP isnt doing.

Ill leave you to your views. Enjoy.

"Saying that wearing a headscarf is odd"..xenophobic. if you want to try anaologies.

Err no..why is it?

I'm sure if yellojacket posted an op that she's decided to make those around her change to fit to fit British culture you'd call her (rightly) an imperialist asshole.

The name thing is very odd. Is it really a cultural thing or dressed up as this so no one can argue with it? Is it her not her culture to call people by their first names? Who wins here?

Re your personal stuff, why are you not doing this yourself?? not her job is it.

Goodness, we all had you on here as a dragon insisting that the whole company called you Miss Powertrip

Um, no, not we all at all.

Some of us took what the OP wrote and didn't read any more into it.
She never said that she expected a title with the name.

Yes asking people to refer you by the name used in your culture is really "making everyone in company change to fit your culture".

"I insist on referring to you in the British way. This is Britain you know" smacks more of "imperialist arsehole" to me tbh.

Ok finally you're right. You've got me. Me and the other posters who've lived abroad and bent over backwards and learned languages to better fit in are really xenophobic assholes. Probably racist too.

Thats like the old im not racist becsuse ive got racist friends thing.

Anyway i didnt directly call you racist or xenophobic. If you are happy with your views then great, have a nice life. No need to get het up.

Several posts ago, FinallyThroughTheRoof, you said:

Ill leave you to your views. Enjoy.

What happened?

OP does everyone else call you by your second name at work? And if so, is that common practice?

Anyway i didnt directly call you racist or xenophobic. If you are happy with your views then great, have a nice life. No need to get het

No it's really not. Having a black friend is not the equivalent I've changing your entire life around.

How long have you lived abroad?

I'm not even British so being a British imperialist would be a feat

I'm not the only one who's referred to by their last name at work. There are a couple of blokes with the same monosyllabic first name (and one who thinks his first name is too "feminine"), and they just go by their last name. We're not the majority though.

Does your boss call you by your surname shabu? Does your parents see you as a friend maybe? Is this her trying to be chummy