To think that my new assistant is behaving unprofessionally?

[ShabuShabu]

My firm has finally assigned me a new assistant so I no longer have to share, which is great. Her work thus far is okay, and I'm willing to wait till she's more familiar with the place when it comes to having initiative. There have been several hiccups in our relationship though.

1. I insist on most people calling me by my last name because in my culture first names are a bit "intimate" and tend to be reserved for close friends and family. I have never had a problem when making that request but she refuses to do this because in her words, "I love your name!"

1. She's in charge of my personal scheduling which does include snippets of my personal life, and she has taken it upon herself to gossip to her peers about it.

AIBU to think this is unacceptable behaviour? If I were of a higher rank I wouldn't have qualms about expressing my discontent, but at my level it feels like moving into a new neighbourhood and establishing yourself as the #1 complain queen.

"And this is, I say again, THE BOSS! What the boss wants to be called is what s/he IS CALLED!"

OP is obviously a junior or middle manager. She didn't employ her assistant, the assistant was assigned to her and she admits herself that she's not that senior. She is the assistant's superior and line manager, but not her eventual boss as she probably doesn't have the power to sack her without backing from higher up. She's not THE BOSS actually.

Both are unacceptable.

We're not interested in her views on your name. We've spent twenty-five years passing laws to level and equalise society so that the courtesy of addressing someone by their preferred name is enshrined in statute. Damned if I know why that's been necessary, however, the main point is that you are entitled to have your wishes in this regard respected. It's not as if you're requiring anyone to walk on crushed glass with bare feet, merely observe a reasonable request.

Secondly, discussing your private life is wholly unprofessional. Suggest you speak to her quietly, privately, firmly. Say you understand that she overstepped the mark but you're absolutely sure that it won't happen again.

Thirdly, on a personal note - if you worry about how people will speak about you behind your back, you'll never get out of bed in the morning. Weak people will always gossip. However, grown up people will admire the way you dealt with a tricky situation with swiftness and professionalism.

"Your insistence that an assistant need to know calendar details to calculate distance is sheer nonsense, frankly. When 'people' - not you obviously - calendar private matters they may be smart enough to calculate and add the time for travel. In other words, leaving available time available. Maybe worth considering?"

No, it's not nonsense. It's true that the person who entered the private appointment might have factored travel in, but they might not have. The assistant would have no way of knowing. It's better to at least give an idea e.g. private appointment at x part of town.

It's usual in forums to quote people when replying to them, it's not rude!

OP of course your PA should call you by your last name (Lee, for instance) as that's what you want! Can't believe that after 18 pages some posters are still assuming you want to be Mrs/Miss/Ms Lee or whatever your surname might be. Of course PA shouldn't call you Petunia or Delphinium or whatever your 'cutesy flowery' first name (used only by people close to you) might be, however 'adorable' she thinks it.
Nor should she discuss your personal life with colleagues.

FWIW I taught in a school where one girl was known not by her first name or surname but an unrelated nickname. Out of curiosity I asked her younger sister what she called her at home. Looking a little shocked she said ' My father would be angry with me if I didn't call her 'Sister'!' I had no idea that such respectful formality to an older sibling was part of their culture. We live and learn!

"the courtesy of addressing someone by their preferred name is enshrined in statute. "

What do you mean by this?

""Hi my names Katherine"
"Well I'm going to call you Kathy""

That would be annoying (although understandable as a mistake), but the other way around is acceptable imo e.g. someone who wants to be known as Kathy, but all her emails come from Katherine can't get angry if some people call her Katherine.

Are you Japanese? I base this on your username and bowing. No 1 is a little petty to get upset about, no 2 you need a stern talk with her.

This thread would likely have been 2 pages long if the OP hadn't mentioned her culture, and her reasoning had been something else, like hating her first name, or wanting her middle name used instead. Unbelievable to me that anyone would think she should just accept this PA disrespecting her wishes simply on the basis that this is the UK

Exaxtly albatross! If the OP had provided less detail such as "I prefer to be known as Y name which is not my given name, but my assistant insists on calling me X name" the chorus would have been YANBU.

But mentioning that she's a) "foreign" and her name preference is b) cultural and posters have been tripping over themselves to tell the OP that she's unreasonable and need to assimilate into UK culture

HeyRoly actually if the OP had just been clearer she wouldn't have received the same responses. Many posters thought the OP wanted to be referred to by MRS SURNAME, and that's what people were saying YABU to.