To think that my new assistant is behaving unprofessionally?

[ShabuShabu]

My firm has finally assigned me a new assistant so I no longer have to share, which is great. Her work thus far is okay, and I'm willing to wait till she's more familiar with the place when it comes to having initiative. There have been several hiccups in our relationship though.

1. I insist on most people calling me by my last name because in my culture first names are a bit "intimate" and tend to be reserved for close friends and family. I have never had a problem when making that request but she refuses to do this because in her words, "I love your name!"

1. She's in charge of my personal scheduling which does include snippets of my personal life, and she has taken it upon herself to gossip to her peers about it.

AIBU to think this is unacceptable behaviour? If I were of a higher rank I wouldn't have qualms about expressing my discontent, but at my level it feels like moving into a new neighbourhood and establishing yourself as the #1 complain queen.

Aww yes you got deleted for no reason and are just a sweetie.

Mahoosive overreaction to a comment days ago but there you go. Raw nerve obviously

Maybe you should go and have a nice cup of tea because you are acting a little err intense.

Easy to do when you hide behind an anonymous handle though.

Have a nice day

hhmmm. If someone asked me to call them Mrs X or Mr X in work I think I'd defy that to be honest. Don't hide behind 'culture' etc. its outdated and unnecessarily hierarchical.

Number 2: Well in this day an age I don't think it should be anyones job within a company to manage your personal activities. But if she's gossiping then thats wrong and she needs to be pulled up on it.

What I don't get though, is that to have an assistant you must be pretty successful and senior, so why do you need MN to tell you how to deal with a minor management petty issue?

Using the naming convention she wishes is not "hiding behind "culture".

Of course it isn't. I can't believe people are saying they would have the brass neck to purposefully use a name for someone they have told you is not the name they use.

"Hi my names Katherine"
"Well I'm going to call you Kathy" and then act all offended when they tell you thats not their name and keep insisting you're just being "friendly".

I think you should adopt the naming convention of that workplace. If you are called William then you could maybe ask people not to call you Bill if you don't like it. Does the OP call her assistant Miss X? If so then maybe I'd have a bit more time for it.

So people from cultures who have their family name first, you'll just swap that around for yourself because thats how we do it here?

Exactly.

But it apparently deserves a huge flaming the likes of one has never seen before to think that may be a bit xenophobic. Weird.

the OP has already said that she doesn't want to be called Ms X simply X

Xenophobic is a very loaded term. I urge you not to chuck it around for effect. I don't think its xenophobic to expect someone to adopt the naming convention at work of the majority.

If its a UK firm, in a UK location I'd be offended if I was asked to call a colleague Miss/Mrs/Mr/Ms etc. unless they were a surgeon and had earned that title.

Im not chucking it around for effect.

Is that like "hiding behind culture".

I'm very sensitive towards racism. I hate how people can't be belittled, and held down by prejudiced ideas.

OP wants to impose her values on everyone else who don't share these values. If anyone is hostile to other cultures its OP.

You can't win an argument by just shouting xenophobia.

So by using the naming conventions of her own culture she is being hostile to other cultures? Really?

Oh dear.

I find that quite unpleasant. And thats a fact. Not "PC gone mad" or "winning an argument by shouting" or anything else.

It doesn't seem like a very sensitive thing to say, if you are sensitive to racism.

Just my opinion. Not "goading" or being a 'sad angry person" or any other nonsense that has been said on this thread.

I couldnt care less about "winning an argument" either.

I would be fine with point 1 where I work everyone calls everyone by their first names and that includes managers. It's the same where DH works.
However point 2 is definitely unprofessional and you need to pull her up on it

I think you should adopt the naming convention of that workplace. - there is NO SUCH THING as a naming convention ffs.

Some people like to be called first name, some by their middle name, some by a surname, or shortened version of it, some by a nickname. My exH was called by his middle name (and a shortened version, at that!) - do you think that because of 'culture' or 'naming convention' he should be called a name he never used? NO-ONE called him his first name.
OP is the same - she is known by her surname. End of story. To call her something else is totally out of order, and rude.

Exactly. Inventing some sort of british naming convention is a bt dubious.

Oh for fucks sake how is this argument even continuing..
'Hostile to other cultures' what a crock of shit

Finally, just as well you don't care about winning an argument.... it's attitutudes like yours that make me quite ashamed to be a brit. Vague accusations, no debate, zero clarity and then diversions to hide the fact you can't back up what you say. Perhaps you overuse the word xenophobic because you're too scared to accuse someone of actual racism.

Poor OP - they probably had no idea the thread would end up as a huge spat about culture and xenophobia.

My position is clear, the first op was unclear and it lead to many thinking it was a question of subordination, something that is increasingly frowned upon here. Arguments ensued.

Op later posted clarification,but the thread has taken on its own life.

OP - hope you are able to build a trustful and mutually respectful relationship with your PA. I'm sure it's achievable.

Love you too

Poot OP getting told she must change the name she wants to be referred to by because she is in britain, more like.

" there is NO SUCH THING as a naming convention ffs. "

Of course there is. Don't be so silly.

Well there is, but not really in the UK, where the only real convention is to address people as whatever they ask you to address them as.