To think that my new assistant is behaving unprofessionally?

[ShabuShabu]

My firm has finally assigned me a new assistant so I no longer have to share, which is great. Her work thus far is okay, and I'm willing to wait till she's more familiar with the place when it comes to having initiative. There have been several hiccups in our relationship though.

1. I insist on most people calling me by my last name because in my culture first names are a bit "intimate" and tend to be reserved for close friends and family. I have never had a problem when making that request but she refuses to do this because in her words, "I love your name!"

1. She's in charge of my personal scheduling which does include snippets of my personal life, and she has taken it upon herself to gossip to her peers about it.

AIBU to think this is unacceptable behaviour? If I were of a higher rank I wouldn't have qualms about expressing my discontent, but at my level it feels like moving into a new neighbourhood and establishing yourself as the #1 complain queen.

Very mature.

If you arent a xenophobe maybe i wasn' (look i remembered apostrophe) t talking to you.

Anyway it' (another apostrophe)s been fun. Feel free to talk to me when you get a life.

Except 'aren't' has an apostrophe in it too.... oh dear.

Do you feel good now?

Cringe. Have a nice day!

Yes, marvellous, thank you.

I will say..my comment clearly touched a very raw nerve in you. I hadn't even been aware of your post.

For you to overreact so excessively i can only assume that maybe you are a bit xenophobic and the realisation hurts.

Oh well. You live and learn. Byee

Finally - yes, your tone of superiority coupled with your poor grammar make it all too easy to be flippant, but to address your behaviour seriously:

I was the first of the many people you called xenophobic - I was the person who stated that in an informal UK workplace, wanting to be addressed as Mrs X was odd. You are right on one aspect - it absolutely touches a nerve. I find it incredibly offensive that people bandy about terms like xenophobe lightly because it detracts from real incidences of xenophobia and I think in the current climate we all need to be more aware than ever of what xenophobia and racism are and to call out genuine occurrences. I am from a mixed nationality background and had an expat upbringing on 3 different continents so I love and value cultural difference and am truly upset by prejudice. If you are 'the boy who cried wolf' about xenophobia, people will stop listening, and what happens when a true incident needs to be challenged.

What I am trying to say is use your words wisely, perhaps consider that you don't always know everything. Oh, and remember your apostrophes.

The workplace has a culture of using first names (I presume because most offices in the UK do). - but it doesn't. Ok most offices might 'have the culture' of using first names, but it's not a regulation!

I work in an office at the moment which uses our honorific (to 'outsiders'); we also use nicknames, and shortened surnames and/or forenames to each other. The BOSS is always Mr.

Some offices do use just surnames. It is NOT UK culture - it's just the norm.

And this is, I say again, THE BOSS! What the boss wants to be called is what s/he IS CALLED!

Yes yes you didn't take me seriously (due to a typo, due to a neck condition causing numb hands incidentally, its hard typing on phone). That's why you went off on a massive rant and tried to humiliate me. I believe you.

Anyway people who have to resort to grammar pedantry to win an argument are very sad. Lets agree to differ and not speak :)

Or you can point out i missed an apostrophe in "it's". Your choice.

Absolute LOL at "use your words wisely, you never know when you may be challenged".

It apostrophe s like a bad western.

You missed one in 'let's' too. I have not 'had a massive rant', I have tried to explain to you why it isn't right to throw around casual accusations of xenophobia. It seens you are more interested in being hostile than in taking on board the fact you should perhaps reconsider your stance.

"You missed one in let's too"

Err seemingly you missed having a life?

Does that stunning piece of repartee indicate you aren't going to respond to the points about xenophobia?

It's upward bullying. Bring her in an speak to her about the name thing and then the personal stuff. Give her a nice warning. If she continues then make it official. She is trying to undermine your authority. If you were named Gladys and she called you something else then this would be inappropriate. Is it because you are a woman perhaps? Is she jealous or resents you? I would be very formal with her. If she does not behave then speak to a senior person.

The assistant is a woman

Wow, my response to intentionally goady post was deleted, other rispostes remain, why, MN?

And the goady poster carried on goading without being deleted.

That's really unfair moderation.

Thank you all the other posters for explaining to the goady poster that the expression "when in Rome" DIDN'T originate with Britain First (whoever they are, I'm not on FB) and is actually a useful cultural message to anyone in any culture they are unfamiliar with.

I'm really pleased your messages weren't shut down. Shutting down ordinary debate is a terrible thing.

No she should NOT gossip about you - that's entirely unprofessional and needs to be addressed.

But I think I'd feel uncomfortable working for someone who insisted I use their last name. Do you use hers? If so, then it suggests you see yourself as 'above' or more important than her.

It may make you uncomfortable to use first names but here in the UK such formality is not culturally appropriate and will make most people feel uncomfortable.

Don't bother with the Finally poster. They invade every other thread and search for something to be outraged about and then try to derail it. They're just a sad, angry person. They seem to feed off people responding to their silly comments.

Is anyone else:

Thinking of an exciting new name that they can adopt for use in the workplace? I am going with 'Thor'...

Recalling the 'I'm Angela Hernandez' story in Classics

PS. The OP seems pretty reasonable to me - she decides what she like to be called and, as long as it isn't offensive or creating division, then it should be fine.

Oh are personal attacks and troll hunting allowed now

I'm not "troll hunting", Finally. You're the one who got my harmless post deleted.

I'm sure you're a genuine poster. Numerous other posters called you out on your ludicrous comment about "when in Rome" being a meme of Britain First's. We all know, including you, as a scholar, that "when in Rome" has been around for ages.

Running to mummy is never a good look. Stop playing the victim when you were the instigator, as your posts on this thread and the responses you received - the UNDELETED ones - attest.

Thanks, LadyInCement.