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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wear a stunning figure hugging dress to a close friends wedding

855 replies

user1498221998 · 27/06/2017 17:59

My friend and I were both 16 stone this time 2 years ago. We both went on a diet and two years ,later I am now 10 stone and a size 10. She is still 16 stone and a size 18.

It's her wedding next Saturday and I showed my intended outfit to my Mum who said that while it looked beautiful I should wear something plainer and less figure hugging as almost everyone there hasn't seen me for over a year, doesn't know about my weight loss and I will attract too much attention away from the bride with my huge weight loss.

Do you think my Mum is right?

My friend will look beautiful anyway, so I don't see why I should have to deliberately look plain for her wedding!

My mum says it's 'rubbing it in' because she desperately wanted to be slim for her wedding. But that is not my fault.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
crazykitten20 · 27/06/2017 19:00

Hand on heart.... do you think your friend will be sad about your weight loss success and her failure on her wedding day?

You don't have to answer me here. But answer this question absolutely truthfully to yourself.

There.

You have your answer.

You now know whether to wear the dress or not.

SomeOtherFuckers · 27/06/2017 19:01

It may seem silly but if I were the bride it'd probably upset me a little x

PayingMyWayYouSay · 27/06/2017 19:01

crazy so the OP should wear something less flattering and something she feels less amazing in, all to please her friend?

Honestly, this is ridiculous

upperlimit · 27/06/2017 19:01

Well given the various descriptions of what the dress does and does not look like, it might yet well be a maroon sack.

noenemee · 27/06/2017 19:02

Your Mum has seen it and says No. You describe it in your thread title as a stunning figure hugging dress

I think you know the right thing to do OP Be kind.

Your weightloss is obviously a big achievement that you worked hard for, but please, be low key. Enough people will probably remark on it anyway and the bride won't be able to help feeling just a little bit shit that she didn't do the same.

hollieberrie · 27/06/2017 19:03

Absolutely wear it. Dont give it a second thought. Enjoy being slim and have a great time.

AyeAmarok · 27/06/2017 19:04

Wear the dress if you like it OP.

Honestly, the responses on this thread Hmm

Has anyone ever upstaged a bride? (unless wearing an actual long white dress)?

OP shouldn't have to hide her body away just because the bride didn't manage to lose weight. How ridiculous.

If you're overweight, you can't expect your friends to dress like they're fat too just to make you feel better.

Lanaorana2 · 27/06/2017 19:04

A lot of size 18 girls are hotter than size 10s. Wear what you like.

londonista · 27/06/2017 19:04

I think many people are missing a key point is that OP and her friend started their weight loss journey together, albeit for different reasons, her friend explicitly wanted to lose weight for the wedding. The friend failed, and the OP didn't.

I don't think you'll take attention away from her. But whether you're intending to or not, whether it's reasonable or not, it will look like you're flaunting it and bride may have a flicker of disappointment in herself because of it.

For that sole reason, I wouldn't wear it. I completely understand the temptation tho, and well done for losing the weight.

And thank heavens for mums ... helping us make honest tough decisions since ... forever!

InvisibleKittenAttack · 27/06/2017 19:04

I wouldn't think it's fair to ask you to spend money on a dress that looks bad in order to hide your body shape. Do you already own a dress your mother thinks would be more appropriate or will you have to go out to buy a dress that looks bad?!

Anything that's got any shape to it will at least show how small your waist is now, and if your other friends are going to comment, that will do even if the skirt isn't tight. You can't hide a size 18 - size 10 weight loss unless it's a sack dress.

But really OP, we need a photo of your actual dress you've already got.

Boynamedsue · 27/06/2017 19:06

I don't get why people are being so hard on the OP, calling her smug and unkind. She's already said that she doesn't think she'll outshine the bride because the bride will look beautiful.

OP, as I said earlier I barely noticed what people wore on the day. But I did see the photos afterwards. Everyone looked stunning and made a real effort. I'd have been far more upset if they'd all turned up in tents so they didn't upstage the fat bride!

viques · 27/06/2017 19:06

Wear the dress if it is suitable for a wedding. whatever you were like two years ago is not who or what you are now. You would not change your hairstyle back to how it was, or dig out your old make up to wear, or put on your old shoes for a wedding. your friend will have a great day, and so will you, you might cause a frisson of excitement for a minute or two but everyone's focus will be on her. have a lovely time.

user1496484020 · 27/06/2017 19:06

For God's sake, it's hardly going to be Naomi Campbell walking into the wedding. It's just an average Joe wearing a dress. It won't upset the bride. It won't upstage the bride. Presumably the bride has seen you recently so knows what size you are already OP?
I'd be mortified that I thought that I was stunning enough to steal the limelight at a wedding.

Wear the bloody dress. It's no big deal. Don't be disappointed if people are not fawning over you.

ProphetOfDoom · 27/06/2017 19:07

Really? You'd let a guest's weight loss upset you on your wedding day?

I should think the bride will have far more important things to focus on & she will look beautiful. There's an inherent belief that fat = ugly on this thread which I don't like. And unless she's spilling out of the dress, I think the OP's mother is overthinking and taking the shine off OP's pleasure in being able to wear the dress.

londonista · 27/06/2017 19:07

OP may I ask, with no judgment implied, what age you are?

NameChangr678 · 27/06/2017 19:09

Jesus christ, wear whatever you want.

If you looking nice in a dress is enough to upset your friend, then maybe SHE'S not a very good friend.

Imagine if this was the other way round - a bride asking if she was BU asking her slim friend not to wear a figure-hugging dress as it would upstage her. She'd be getting torn down saying she needs to stop being insecure. I'm sure on the day she will be so focused on the actual wedding and won't give 2 hoots about what you're wearing.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 27/06/2017 19:10

This is the dress isn't it Grin
www.google.co.uk/search?q=leather+mini+dress&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari#imgrc=Q6mYDayaOVlPZM:

DurhamDurham · 27/06/2017 19:11

There's no hiding that amount of weight loss so wear the dress if you feel good in it. As long as you don't turn up in a long white dress you'll be fine. You won't upstage the bride, she will be centre of attention and rightly so.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 27/06/2017 19:11

There's another issue here - if the OP's mother is still getting used to her DD not being "the fat one" - hiding her body in a baggy dress, she might really struggle with seeing her DD in what is perfectly acceptable and normal wedding guest dress clothing that's 'figure hugging'.

Post a picture of the dress OP, might well be perfectly 'normal' to us.

LagunaBubbles · 27/06/2017 19:11

I do suspect you know exactly what you are doing. Wear what you like. You will anyway. No-one is suggesting you "hide" a 6 stone weight loss. Loving the assumption by some not figure hugging means a sack, frumpy etc. Its your friends wedding. All I know is even if I thought my friend would be mad for being upset there's no way I would risk upsetting a friend on their wedding day.

waitforitfdear · 27/06/2017 19:12

Bloody hilarious take lots of selfies op and post. Don't hold back will you.

NotYoda · 27/06/2017 19:12

I think your friend is living with how she looks every day. If she couldn't cope with other people being slimmer she'd never go out.

If she thought she looked crap in her dress then I doubt she'd wear it

This is not a "who is prettiest competition" it's her wedding

Your mum is being ridiculous

londonista · 27/06/2017 19:13

NameChangr
Were it not for the fact that they were weight loss buddies, one of whom wanted to lose weight for her wedding and didn't, I'd agree with you.

tanfield90 · 27/06/2017 19:13

All credit to the OP. If you've got it, flaunt it.
Sounds like the bride might need to toughen up rather. And what's all this bollocks about not upstaging the bride ? She will be the centre of attention anyway. This romanticised nonsense belongs firmly in the last century.

NotYoda · 27/06/2017 19:14

None of this is coming from the bride. Poor bride being spoken about as if she'd kick up a fuss about this! It's you mum