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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wear a stunning figure hugging dress to a close friends wedding

855 replies

user1498221998 · 27/06/2017 17:59

My friend and I were both 16 stone this time 2 years ago. We both went on a diet and two years ,later I am now 10 stone and a size 10. She is still 16 stone and a size 18.

It's her wedding next Saturday and I showed my intended outfit to my Mum who said that while it looked beautiful I should wear something plainer and less figure hugging as almost everyone there hasn't seen me for over a year, doesn't know about my weight loss and I will attract too much attention away from the bride with my huge weight loss.

Do you think my Mum is right?

My friend will look beautiful anyway, so I don't see why I should have to deliberately look plain for her wedding!

My mum says it's 'rubbing it in' because she desperately wanted to be slim for her wedding. But that is not my fault.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
Raaaaaah · 27/06/2017 19:15

Wear it. If you had always been slim then nobody would say it was inappropriate. I actually find it a bid odd that your mum thinks that it is her business to tell you how to dress when presumably you are a grown woman.

needsomesunshineandwine · 27/06/2017 19:15

Unless it's a long white figure hugging dress then no your not up staging the bride!

You have worked hard to lose weight, wear the dress if it is appropriate for a wedding (not skin tight, short, boobs out)

greendale17 · 27/06/2017 19:16

Rule no.1- never, ever upstage the bride!

I agree with your mum,

Donthate · 27/06/2017 19:17

put a pic of you in the dress. No one can give a reliable comment without seeing it.

NotYoda · 27/06/2017 19:17

I think the only way you can upstage a bride is to marry the bridegroom. It's not a fecking show

SouthernNorthernGirl · 27/06/2017 19:18

OP I know I'm missing the point here, however I have to know what diet you went on to achieve this? Please.

ShakyMilk · 27/06/2017 19:18

At my wedding, a guest wore a white dress, which, I found out afterwards, really bothered my sister. Did I notice? No. Would I have been bothered if I did? Nope.
But I think, deep down, you will know how your friend is likely to feel and that should give you your answer.

elfies · 27/06/2017 19:19

Well done !
You're right to be proud of your new figure and weight loss , but please reconsider , would your friend do this to you ?
If you care about your friends feelings on such a special day , please listen to your mum , she sounds lovely and obviously cares enough about you and your friend to have said something to avoid upset .

ShmooBooMoo · 27/06/2017 19:19

If there are people there who've not seen you for a while, it could look a bit like you're making a grand entrance, so to speak. As you and the bride are friends, could you ask her how she'd feel? I presume she may be feel a bit insecure since she was desperate to lose weight... It's no secret so why not ask her what she'd feel more comfy with?

londonista · 27/06/2017 19:20

So you're not allowed to comment on how your kids look when they're grown ups? Please can someone tell my mum! Grin

I agree that mums (and dads) often don't give objective criticism esp when it comes to matters sartorial, however in this instance I think mum is doing what some mums do well, and that is to remind you of what's right and wrong before you inadvertently hurt a friends feelings.

bigmac4me · 27/06/2017 19:21

OP, there is something I don't quite understand. Your mum, who I guess knows you well, has told you her opinion. Strangers on an internet forum have been variable, but many do state their believe it could upset the bride or give you unwanted attention. If there is only a small chance of it upsetting your dear friend, why would you risk it? I am sure there will be many chances you could wear the beautiful dress to enhance your amazing weight loss. But this is her day and not yours and so even if there's a small risk I can't see why you would take it. As friends and family we go to weddings to celebrate the marriage, and make sure THEY have a wonderful day. Hopefully you'll have a wonderful day too, and will I am sure look beautiful in something a little less figure hugging. But it's the brides potential feelings that, on this occasion, should be more important than your own. Hope you have a lovely time.

Coddiwomple · 27/06/2017 19:22

I think the only way you can upstage a bride is to marry the bridegroom. It's not a fecking show

if only it was that simple, remember Liz? It doesn't work, is embarrassing for everybody, but it's not kind. Why do it?

Coddiwomple · 27/06/2017 19:23

photo attached

Babyg1995 · 27/06/2017 19:23

Wear the dress it's lovely. I don't think you will upstage the bride at all .

WomblingThree · 27/06/2017 19:23

It's not to do with upstaging the bride though, it's the OP's obvious glee that she won the weight battle and she thinks everyone is going to be giving her attention.

No one expects her to turn up in a sack, and I'm sure the dress is perfectly fine. It's just the unpleasant attitude and pointless thread (which no doubt was to fish for more compliments) that got me.

pigeondujour · 27/06/2017 19:24

I'm not sure what type of dress would disguise the weight loss. Boden probably have something she'd look suitably fat in.

GrinGrinGrin

OP, I don't want to sound harsh but I can't picture coming away from a wedding thinking 'the bodycon maroon was a showstopper'. Are you sure there's not a dress that would look nicer and also be more classy given the context?

endelessworries · 27/06/2017 19:24

Honestly I doubt the op looks that great-gorgeous-stunning that a tight size 10 dress would be that impressive. Honestly how can you think that you are that amazing?
Please give me some advice as you've got an amazing self esteem and confidence

Chamonix1 · 27/06/2017 19:25

OP, no offence but you aren't going to upstage the bride in a dress like that but maroon and a bit longer. It's just a standard dress. I doubt she'll even notice. Women at my wedding wore imo far more elegant and sexy dresses to my wedding and I'm huge and didn't flinch. I was getting married and just enjoyed my day!
Unless you plan on wearing something frumpy just to make yourself look bigger I doubt you can hide you weight loss
Not that I think that's your intention by any means!!!

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2017 19:26

So the bride needs to 'toughen up' even though we have no idea if she gives a toss. Grin

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 27/06/2017 19:27

Pure not her friend and you know exactly what you're up to.

She won't give a stuff because it's her wedding and she will be beautiful from the inside. Which you aren't so much.

happypoobum · 27/06/2017 19:28

I am not keen on the lace panel - I think you should find something a little more classy.

Salmotrutta · 27/06/2017 19:29

I'm now absolutely invested in seeing the actual dress.

I didn't like the white one the OP posted - but apparently it's not like that so that's okay then Confused

SaS2014 · 27/06/2017 19:29

So ignore anyone and everyone who says anything other than go for it.
If it's a wedding guest appropriate dress then there is absolutely no reason at all for you not to wear it.
Now if it's long and white, if it's a bridesmaids style or a wedding dress then of course YWBVU to wear it. But if it's just a lovely dress bought for going to a friends wedding then yes wear it. You've worked bloody hard and deserve to feel fabulous at a special event. And no you will not upstage the bride. You're mum is BU not you!

Salmotrutta · 27/06/2017 19:31

I'm always surprised at things other people describe as "stunning" by the way.

BertrandRussell · 27/06/2017 19:31

"It's not to do with upstaging the bride though, it's the OP's obvious glee that she won the weight battle and she thinks everyone is going to be giving her attention"

Yep. This. And she can sashay up to the bride and tell her how wonderful she looks "Some people just look better it's a bit of flesh on their bones-I do worry that I look a bit drawn now...........