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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wear a stunning figure hugging dress to a close friends wedding

855 replies

user1498221998 · 27/06/2017 17:59

My friend and I were both 16 stone this time 2 years ago. We both went on a diet and two years ,later I am now 10 stone and a size 10. She is still 16 stone and a size 18.

It's her wedding next Saturday and I showed my intended outfit to my Mum who said that while it looked beautiful I should wear something plainer and less figure hugging as almost everyone there hasn't seen me for over a year, doesn't know about my weight loss and I will attract too much attention away from the bride with my huge weight loss.

Do you think my Mum is right?

My friend will look beautiful anyway, so I don't see why I should have to deliberately look plain for her wedding!

My mum says it's 'rubbing it in' because she desperately wanted to be slim for her wedding. But that is not my fault.

OP posts:
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15
PyongyangKipperbang · 27/06/2017 18:34

I think that a PP had it right when they said about how would the bride feel to see you flaunting your new figure in a clingy dress?

Yes she will be wearing her wedding dress but she wont be looking as she wanted to look so it would be cruel to do that to her imo. Also, no its not your fault she didnt lose the weight but is that any reason to make her feel bad?

You dont sound like much of a friend to be honest. Something like a fit and flare style would be much better.

RiversrunWoodville · 27/06/2017 18:34

Maroon and knee length would be lovely and going against the grain I don't think you would be upstaging the bride. Well done on an amazing achievement and I would be very proud of my friend and pleased for them to have the opportunity to "show it off" if I was the bride (if I actually gave it a second thought whilst enjoying my lovely dress and day)

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/06/2017 18:34

Plus, you will have plenty of other opportunities to wear that dress and be the centre of attention for having lost so much weight. She will hopefully have only one wedding day.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 27/06/2017 18:34

When you said "stunning figure hugging" I was imaging some sort of Diana Ross sequined body con number Grin

Wear the dress if you want to but try to play down talking about the weight loss? There is a danger lots of guests that haven't seen you for a while will give that lots of attention.

Well done on your weight loss. You do sound a teensy bit gloaty that your friend didn't lose any. I'm sure you can sympathise with how it feels to be overweight having been there yourself so try to imagine how you'd feel in your friend's shoes?

PuppyMonkey · 27/06/2017 18:35

"It looks like this but longer (knee length)."

Cue lots of people saying "yuck that's far too short."

"It's maroon."

Cue people saying: "you can't wear that it's white."

Gotta love MN Grin

I think a maroon lacy knee length dress sounds fine for a wedding tbh. I mean, what are you supposed to wear, a sack?! Confused

Foxysoxy01 · 27/06/2017 18:35

Yep OP deserves to show off her weight loss regardless of whether it will upset the bride (her friend!) Hmm

It's one day why can't you give her that? Why is it more important for OP to feel she can show herself off over her friends feelings on her wedding day?

pottered · 27/06/2017 18:35

yeah, especially if you're showing that much cleavage - i don't think that's appropriate at all for a wedding. Maybe if you're changing to go only to an evening reception?

WeAllHaveWings · 27/06/2017 18:35

Giving you and your friends weight loss history, if there is the slightest hint of taking any of the limelight from the bride then don't wear it. It's her day. Your mum mentioning it should be enough if a hint.

kw1091 · 27/06/2017 18:36

Confused! Do people want you to wear a tent? If you were a size 10 to start with you'd wear a tight dress so why can't you wear one now? I very much doubt anyone will think you're showing off you've obviously worked really hard to get where you are now. Good for you! X

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 27/06/2017 18:36

Can't find the exact one as it's not from an online retailer but it looks a little like this but longer (knee length) and it is a maroon colour and has embroidery on the shoulders and ends of the dress

Like a wedding dress? Hotel read what the Op wrote. Hmm

I could not tell you what any guests at our wedding wore apart from bridesmaids. I too do think you are getting a bit of a hard time.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 27/06/2017 18:36

I don't like fit and flare or tea dresses!
What am I meant to wear to weddings? A hair coat?

MommaGee · 27/06/2017 18:36

What a beautiful dress really? How do you know? We've not actually seen it.
Just a short white one that doesbt look like hers.

OP as a fat bride in not sure she'll notice and wearing something baggy and ugly is just insulting. No one will look better on the day than the bride

blankface · 27/06/2017 18:37

Congratulations on your weightloss OP, it's very impressive. However, your friend's wedding day isn't the place to be showing off about it by wearing something so figure-hugging.

witsender said "What will your friend think and feel? That's the only thing that matters tbh

I agree. You have got shedloads of opportunities to show off your weight loss. Don't rub your friend's nose in it on her wedding day.

Your Mum's words in your first post are also wise.

SofaToad · 27/06/2017 18:37

Your Mum sounds like a wise and considerate lady. Perhaps she thinks the dress is a bit less than elegant and doesn't want to upset you. She clearly doesn't think it is suitable.

Of course, if you are asked to stand behind someone that will conceal you for the photos you will know then whether it was considered acceptable or not.

ShesAStar · 27/06/2017 18:37

Wear the dress, if you'd always been a size 10 no one would bat an eyelid, why should you not wear what you want just because your smaller than the bride??? Lots of people will be smaller than the bride!

DonaldStott · 27/06/2017 18:37

Well done on your weight loss.

But you keep contradicting yourself. A 'stunning, figure hugging dress' is not a maroon, cotton, not clingy, embroidered frock.

If you want to show your figure off, do it. But you know you are going to be stealing a bit of the limelight, or you wouldn't be posting on AIBU now would you!!

BertrandRussell · 27/06/2017 18:37

"If you want to wear it wear it.

Just be prepared for any fallout that it may cause."

What, like making the bride feel unhappy? Even by Mumsnet's usual "look after number one" artitude that's a bit steep!

Coddiwomple · 27/06/2017 18:38

Have people read what the OP has said? The dress is maroon coloured and knee length

Have read, and that's nowhere near enough to tell the OP if it's ok or not, any reply is just a guess, so not really fair.

blueskyinmarch · 27/06/2017 18:38

Wear your new dress and wear it proudly. You have done well to lose so much weight. Your friend will be pleased for you too I think and she will look beautiful as brides do. Have fun.

HolgerDanske · 27/06/2017 18:38

It's obvious you don't actually like her much or care about how you might make her feel, so I'd stop the pretence, just wear it and own the fact that you would rather wear that dress than spare your 'friend's' feelings on her special day.

Maverick66 · 27/06/2017 18:38

Your mum is right.

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2017 18:39

If you are that close to the bride it would be normal to show them your outfit prior to the wedding anyway.

Or were you hoping to make a grand entrance?

CaptainBrickbeard · 27/06/2017 18:39

I had slimmer and better looking friends than me at my wedding and I wouldn't have swapped places with them for the world. When I look at the photos, I see the happiness radiating from me and that makes me look lovely. I wouldn't have changed a thing. My friends wore beautiful dresses and looked great. I didn't mind. I think you should wear it.

Also, when I lost six stone people commented whatever I was wearing, it's not like you could disguise it!

alisonyawn · 27/06/2017 18:39

As someone who was a bigger bride, I say wear it.
I have incredibly slim friends, as well as bigger ones, and they all wore what they wanted to my wedding. I can assure you, the attention will not be on you. Even if people comment on the weight loss, it'll keep their attention for like 20 seconds.

There are many unfair people on here. You shouldn't have to dress in a sack just because a bride has no willpower. Hell, I lost 5 stone to be a bridesmaid for my friend, and then gained two back before my own bloody wedding! I wasn't going to make my slim bridesmaid wear something "plain" just because she was slimmer then me.

The bride will have a lot more on her mind on the day then what a friend is wearing. If she doesn't, maybe she shouldn't be getting married.
Just don't gloat about your weight loss on the day. Take the compliments and then move on.

NotAPuffin · 27/06/2017 18:41

Well done on the weightloss, that's fantastic : ) But I agree with your mum, this isn't the right occasion to show it off, which that dress certainly does. Under the circumstances, your friend may very well feel bad that you're able to wear something like that and she isn't, and you wouldn't want to do that to your friend on her wedding day.