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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wear a stunning figure hugging dress to a close friends wedding

855 replies

user1498221998 · 27/06/2017 17:59

My friend and I were both 16 stone this time 2 years ago. We both went on a diet and two years ,later I am now 10 stone and a size 10. She is still 16 stone and a size 18.

It's her wedding next Saturday and I showed my intended outfit to my Mum who said that while it looked beautiful I should wear something plainer and less figure hugging as almost everyone there hasn't seen me for over a year, doesn't know about my weight loss and I will attract too much attention away from the bride with my huge weight loss.

Do you think my Mum is right?

My friend will look beautiful anyway, so I don't see why I should have to deliberately look plain for her wedding!

My mum says it's 'rubbing it in' because she desperately wanted to be slim for her wedding. But that is not my fault.

OP posts:
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stevie69 · 28/06/2017 21:27

Having read through this thread, I can honestly say that the world makes me just a little sad at times. Probably because I'm hungry (must go eat) but still .... Sad

Wear the dress, OP. You will look amazing. Your friend will look amazing. Hope you have a fabulous day.

S xxx

nina2b · 28/06/2017 21:27

Actually, it's the penultimate one.

NameChangr678 · 28/06/2017 21:31

Oh man I was meant to be learning Chinese tonight and instead I've got invested in a thread about a bloody dress and "upstaging the bride" Wine

I mean honestly how could one upstage the bride unless you turn up naked, snog the groom or break out in interpretive dance during the ceremony

user1488529561 · 28/06/2017 21:50

You wear your dress with pride and enjoy yourself, i'm sure your friend would want you to be happy at her wedding :-) They would all have something to talk about if you showed up in jeans and a baggy jumper lol

Borodin · 28/06/2017 21:55

NameChangr678

Cannot believe the comments saying "LOL do you really think you'd look stunning, I bet all your skin is hanging around your knees". WTAF!

I think I agree.

For what it's worth, all the men that I know appreciate it when a woman makes an effort to look nice, and also find them attractive without any "decoration". If I thought about it I could be jealous that the only thing open to me is to wear a suit or not. Turning up at work with eye makeup and new romantic styling would get me sent home.

I recently went to my mum's funeral. I wanted to show respect so I bought a black blazer and collared shirt, and a burgundy tie. I used my daily black trousers and seamless-toed shoes. I bought a pair of cherry cuff links to match the tie.

Of course all of my family were there, and not one was wearing a jacket, never mind coordinated cuff links. I felt very out of place at my own mother's funeral.

The OP's event is rather happier, but I would encourage her to dress to be comfortable, whatever the day brings. I don't think a tight dress fits that at all, although it would go very well if she were invited to a reception and disco afterwards.

None of this is about men "requiring" women to be anything other than what they want to be. It's exciting to find a woman who likes to be herself and whose character you enjoy. If you feel pressure to be something that you are not then it is not from me, or from most men like me.

An anecdote. I bought a pizza one evening from a pizzeria near the cinema in Maidenhead. It was a take-away order, and a boy at the desk sloped up to ask what I wanted. He wore a shirt with two buttons undone, and a tie that was knotted at his chest.

He gave me my order, and on the way out a grinny man asked me if I was okay. There were two girls sweeping the floor with made up faces and their hair high who also smiled at me. I asked the man—who I assumed to be the manager—why the guy at the desk was allowed to be so slovenly while the girls were careful and pretty.

I walked out while he talked to the boy.

The bottom line is that, if you are a woman and feel you must decorate yourself to be appreciated, then most men of your age will disagree with you. Some of you will like to wear make up while others hate it, but mostly you have the option.

Mary Quant marketed make up for men in the 1960s. I daren't execute the idea now because of the personality and charisma that it entailed to go with it. Doesn't that mean that I am as much stuck in suits and ties as you are in prettiness and make up? It's sad, but neither of us is keeping the other one there.

gluteustothemaximus · 28/06/2017 21:59

Unless you wear a tent, or a dress several sizes too big, people will notice your weight loss.

Congratulations BTW, fantastic weight loss.

Golden rules surely are:

don't where white/Ivory (dress is maroon)
don't wear floor length, or the opposite; up your bum (it's knee length)
don't wear sexy/flambouyant/see through/anything that draws more attention to you (elegant dress showing no cleavage, knee length and dark colour)

sounds fine.

Secondly, put yourself in your friends shoes. Think about her losing the weight and not you. Think about your wedding day. Look at yourself in the mirror, and judge for yourself if you'd feel fine with your choice.

Lastly, enjoy the wedding. Hope your friend has a fab day Smile

Borodin · 28/06/2017 22:00

stevie69

"the world makes me just a little sad at times"

Yes. What should we do?

Borodin · 28/06/2017 22:07

NameChangr678

"I agree, the only thing NOT figure hugging is a fucking fatsuit, tent or Burqa."

That reads, um, a bit exclusive? And I don't see what the f* adds. You seem to have insulted Muslims and people who are proud of a smaller frame all in one go.

ImaLannister · 28/06/2017 22:08

What are you all on about? I wore floor length figure hugging bodycon Lipsy dress for a wedding last year, also a Michele Keegan Lipsy knee length bodycon dress for a wedding last year & floor length Lipsy VIP floor length dress with side slit. I didn't upstage the bride?
The dress your describing is fine for a wedding! Wear it if you want to! Just because the bride is a size 18 that doesn't mean you have to wear clothes that hang off you with no shape.

MirriVan · 28/06/2017 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MirriVan · 28/06/2017 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NameChangr678 · 28/06/2017 22:11

*The bottom line is that, if you are a woman and feel you must decorate yourself to be appreciated, then most men of your age will disagree with you. Some of you will like to wear make up while others hate it, but mostly you have the option.

Mary Quant marketed make up for men in the 1960s. I daren't execute the idea now because of the personality and charisma that it entailed to go with it. Doesn't that mean that I am as much stuck in suits and ties as you are in prettiness and make up? It's sad, but neither of us is keeping the other one there.*

Sorry about your mum Flowers I do get what you're saying - a lot of women feel that men must be causing all the pressure in society, but IMO it's mainly other women. My BF says I look absolutely fine without makeup, and other blokes don't even notice - it's my female colleagues that comment I look "fresh-faced" and "is something wrong?" when I came in without makeup. Incidentally, the only reason I'm now not wearing makeup to work is because I've handed in my notice, so I give 0 shits! I agree general "smartness" for work and formal occasions should be expected from men and women. Clothes-wise, I reckon women get it a bit easier at work as you can wear loads of things, whereas my BF moans at having to wear a shirt and trousers when it's 30 degrees - when I come in in a sleeveless shirt and floaty skirt (that's also why he sits on the toilet for 15 mins apparently, to "cool his legs" haha!)

This is the impression I get - men don't care that much past school age, whereas women are sort of trained to comment and judge each other's appearance, which is sad. All the women in my family point out women they think are badly dressed (we are foreign though), a habit I've now inherited but am desperately trying to stop, as it only makes you feel shit.

On another note, was the pizzeria Francesco's?? I used to live to Maidenhead! Those were the days haha! Is the High Street still full of charity shops and 99p shops?

Borodin · 28/06/2017 22:11

user1498221998

"My mum says it's 'rubbing it in' because she desperately wanted to be slim for her wedding. But that is not my fault."

Did your mum really say that? "I desperately wanted to be slim for my wedding, so I think it's 'rubbing it in'"? It seems very unlikely.

NameChangr678 · 28/06/2017 22:16

I just meant if OP wants to "hide" her weight loss, there is literally very little she can wear apart from great sheets of cloth or a fatsuit. It will be obvious regardless of dress choice - most dresses hug the figure in at least 1 location. There's no dress that could make OP look like a size 18 again.

Ilovetea13 · 28/06/2017 22:16

What on earth is everybody on about? OP the Naanaa dress u posted is lovely yours is maroon and knee length sounds gorgeous! Figure hugging but not extremely so! Boobs not on show! Wear the dress I would 100 percent wear it to a wedding. I went to a wedding last year and my mum said she didnt like my dress and I wore it anyway, mums sometimes are too critical! Wear it! Once your all made up and accessorised you'll look fab and I bet they'll be guests there wearing simalar things to you. Don't listen to anybody else wear it, it's hardly a sign of being a bad friend wearing a nice dress to a wedding, some people are very odd with there comments!

Toomuchwine22 · 28/06/2017 22:18

Mirrivan GrinGrinGrinWine

genna1310 · 28/06/2017 22:20

Know what I get why you wanna (lost 20st gastric bypass tho) but as much as we al know the bride will be centre of attention your weight loss will be hot topic reguardless what you wear as long as you don't fall out or over and feel good x

ImaLannister · 28/06/2017 22:24

Mirrivan have a biscuit for your troubles! Would hate to be you. You must live a mere existence! 😂😁BiscuitBiscuit

NameChangr678 · 28/06/2017 22:26

@MirriVan, Samantha Brick, is that you? Wink

LanaDReye · 28/06/2017 22:37

Borrodin this observation made me feel sad the girls were careful and pretty. It doesn't matter that they were attractive to you. The person serving you had his tie falling off his body, that was the fair point to make to the manager i.e. regardless of gender .

Mirrivan's humour cheered me up.

Ulli58 · 28/06/2017 22:39

I see no reason not to wear your dress. She chose not to lose the weight but you did and so why hide it?

persianpeach · 28/06/2017 22:49

It's fine to show off your amazing weight loss achievement but NOT at your friends wedding geez!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NameChangr678 · 28/06/2017 22:53

It's fine to show off your amazing weight loss achievement but NOT at your friends wedding geez!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please, link us to a dress OP could wear that wouldn't show her weight loss

(other than a sack)

Borodin · 28/06/2017 23:05

Ulli58

"She chose not to lose the weight but you did and so why hide it?"

Yeah right. So all the people battling to lose weight and failing are simply "choosing not to lose the weight".

Dilligaf81 · 28/06/2017 23:12

Well done op.
Wanting to look nice isn't showing up the bride, if she was that bothered she could have lost weight like you have.
Unless everyone size 10 and below has been asked not to wear fitted dresses than why shouldnt you wear the dress ? If you'd always been a size 10 would you even be asking yourself this?
Wear the dress, feel beautiful and celebrate your friends wedding with her. I know I always want to look my best when I get a wedding invite and that has never been because I want to upstage the bride !