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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wear a stunning figure hugging dress to a close friends wedding

855 replies

user1498221998 · 27/06/2017 17:59

My friend and I were both 16 stone this time 2 years ago. We both went on a diet and two years ,later I am now 10 stone and a size 10. She is still 16 stone and a size 18.

It's her wedding next Saturday and I showed my intended outfit to my Mum who said that while it looked beautiful I should wear something plainer and less figure hugging as almost everyone there hasn't seen me for over a year, doesn't know about my weight loss and I will attract too much attention away from the bride with my huge weight loss.

Do you think my Mum is right?

My friend will look beautiful anyway, so I don't see why I should have to deliberately look plain for her wedding!

My mum says it's 'rubbing it in' because she desperately wanted to be slim for her wedding. But that is not my fault.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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NameChangr678 · 28/06/2017 20:50

as society dictates what you wear according to unsaid rules that apply to women .

Rules mainly dictated by other women, as proven in 28 pages of this thread.

MerchantofVenice · 28/06/2017 20:50

Ok, so we 're sort of on the same side, namechangr? Yes, I have jumped on all the women telling OP to stop 'being selfish' - but I find it more repulsive to hear this shit from a man, especially one who tells a forum of women "Yes, we will look at someone stunning, briefly, but we won't be interested if they can 't hold a conversation for 30 seconds' of whatever bile-filled tripe he came out with. As if men are some sort of grand fucking audience or judging panel for all women. Makes me heave.

cn216 · 28/06/2017 20:52

Haven't read through all the comments, but I really disagree wholeheartedly with the balance of comments I've read so far.

Absolutely wear it! The outfit sounds perfectly appropriate from what you've described. The bride is not going to care - she'll be far too busy taking in the whole day. All of the other women attending that have been size 10s for years will wear whatever they consider flattering, so why the devil shouldn't you? Not sure why a different rule/approach should apply to you just because you used to be a size 16!

Toomuchwine22 · 28/06/2017 20:53

Pippa Middleton wore stunning figure hugging dress! Some say she upstaged the bride! She was so scared of her own sister upstaging her back, she made her wear 'dowdy' and not be a bridesmaid! No point to that comment really! Just felt like saying it! (as name implies... too much wine!) Smile

hellomoon · 28/06/2017 20:53

I think your post suggests two things. One that you think you look stunning which is pretty arrogant (and probably untrue)

And your post suggests two things. One that it's not seemly for a woman to make an honest statement of how good she feels she looks. I mean, the arrogance! And two, that women for some reason want to put women down. Who cares if you think it's 'untrue?' Why on earth would you be so snidey to someone who has worked hard to feel good about themselves?

carefreeeee · 28/06/2017 20:54

I doubt the bride will care or notice what you wear. There will be plenty of other thin people there, some of them will be younger/prettier than the bride. Life isn't all about looks you know - her husband to be probably likes her for her personality!

Personally, my interest in someone else's weight loss would be a lot less than my interest in someone else's wedding so I don't think you will be upstaging anyone as long as you behave appropriately. The exception would be if you had history with the groom. (but in that case the weight loss would be nothing to do with it). That said, a figure hugging lacy dress may not be appropriate unless it is a chavvy sort of do.

MerchantofVenice · 28/06/2017 20:55

Yeah borodin there are threads like that all the time. Loads of men just agonising about their jeans. And loads of people telling them off for being vain. Happens all the fucking time.

Can you explain that bullshit about my sexism please? It makes no sense.

NameChangr678 · 28/06/2017 20:55

And your post suggests two things. One that it's not seemly for a woman to make an honest statement of how good she feels she looks. I mean, the arrogance! And two, that women for some reason want to put women down. Who cares if you think it's 'untrue?' Why on earth would you be so snidey to someone who has worked hard to feel good about themselves?

Absolutely. Cannot believe the comments saying "LOL do you really think you'd look stunning, I bet all your skin is hanging around your knees". WTAF!

Sugarformyhoney · 28/06/2017 20:55

The dress is fine. Your friend is curvy and if she was worried about her weight, she also had the opportunity to lose it. As it goes, she hasn't so probably doesn't feel she needs to and is presumably happy with how she looks. With that is mind, there's no reason you would upstage her or anything of the sort.
Unless you're going as a playboy bunny I don't see the issue.

LanaDReye · 28/06/2017 20:57

Name rules often created by women and men. Women should be attractive but not too attractive type rules.

Who judges it and what happens if they are broken?

m0msarbelanger · 28/06/2017 20:57

its her day its about the bride go for something appropriate that wont take attention off the bride that is just common courtesy imo....

Borodin · 28/06/2017 21:04

MerchantofVenice

namechangr are you a woman? Do you like being patronised by men

Ok, so we 're sort of on the same side, namechangr?

I find it more repulsive to hear this shit from a man.

As if men are some sort of grand fucking audience or judging panel for all women. Makes me heave.

This is going nowhere, and I'm certain that you know you're manufacturing negativism. If you're a woman then I'm certain that all of the world will back you up unless you make unreasonable claims, but your claims are wrong, and you won't get anywhere relying on incorrect claims of injustice.

If you have a personal problem then I don't think it's for me to intervene, but I wish you well.

fannydaggerz · 28/06/2017 21:05

Congratulations on your weight loss.

Wear whatever dress you want.

Borodin · 28/06/2017 21:06

LanaDReye

"Women should be attractive but not too attractive type rules."

I'm not sure where you're going with this, but men should
also dress appropriately.

NameChangr678 · 28/06/2017 21:16

@Merchant yeah pretty much, I agree with everything you've said previously, I just don't think the blokes have said anything heinously worse than all the women before them who also added in comments calling OP a cow/bitch.

The thing about dressing "respectfully" - I guess that's just a generally agreed uniform rule not to have too much boobs/bum out at a wedding, because it's a formal occasion, right? Only applies to women because men have the grand old outfit choice of SUIT or SUIT, which shows off no skin anyway. I'm sure a bloke in a vest top or suit shorts (or really tight leather trousers) would get funny looks.

And the thing about only finding good-looking women attractive if they can hold a conversation - I think putting personality first is a positive for both sexes, but I can see you'd be annoyed that he assumed "stunning" automatically meant "to impress a man". FYI blokes, it doesn't have to mean that at all. I have a boyfriend and love dressing "stunning" (whatever that means) for occasions for no reason other than, it makes me feel good.

Whoopwhoopwooo · 28/06/2017 21:17

I don't mind the dress. Think it will look nice in the darker colour you mentioned and knee length. Go for it 😉

LanaDReye · 28/06/2017 21:18

Borodin are you seriously saying that rather than have equality you also believe that men should be subject to the same invisible, manipulative and hypercritical rules?

nina2b · 28/06/2017 21:19

Of course people should dress appropriately as befitting the occasion. Those who do not merely draw attention to themselves - but not necessarily in a positive way.

I think the OP knows that her choice of dress might be inappropriate. However, I think she wants to wear it to show off in front of the bride whose own attempts to lose weight have not been as successful. That is mean.

No one should try to upstage the bride or they are being needy and pathetic like the ghastly Pippa.

nina2b · 28/06/2017 21:20

Those who do not, merely draw attention...

LanaDReye · 28/06/2017 21:21

I wasn't planning on getting married again anytime soon, but I now wish I was to say to everyone stuff the rules lets have a party!

MerchantofVenice · 28/06/2017 21:23

This thread is so bloody depressing. Even inoring the deliberately provocative comments from borodin, there is just so much unthinking bullshit. New posters don't bother to read the discussion and just wander in with a sanctimonious, chiding chorus of 'Oh, just let her have her day, it's only fair."

What do you even mean? It's not as if the OP is proposing to do an actual definable act of rebellion, like turn up with 'I'm thinner than you' tattooed across her forehead. A choice of dress is just a choice of dress - it's all a sliding scale. One person's 'sexy' is another person's 'meh'. It's not an actual thing she's doing to upset the bride; it's anxiety about people's reactions to her body. And FFS if there is one thing we don't need, it's more angst about women's bodies and other people's fucking reactions to them.

We know that the dress, though not to everyone's tastes, is somewhere in the approximate ballpark of 'wedding attire'. It's a dress. It's not white. It doesn't have a train. It's not too short. It's fine. It's also not a pair of jeans (to refer to the hallowed example from my new friend) or anything too casual.

So why all the hand-wringing? It makes no logical sense. If you don't like the dress - so what? If you (for reasons that are unclear) suspect she (gasp) won't look stunning - so fucking what?? She likes it.

And, I'm sorry, but there seem to be some fairly obtuse posters on here. What's with the massive confusion over the word 'stunning'? It doesn't denote a style of dress. It's a completely subjective adjective. Again - one person's 'stunning' is another person's 'fine'. It's just plain weird to start lamenting 'Hmm, sorry OP, but I don't think a stunning dress sounds acceptable. Why don't you try a beautiful one instead? Or a lovely one?" It's batshit.

'Figure-hugging' is another one that's thrown people. I bet if you looked at your wedding pictures, you'd see that at least half of the women were wearing something 'figure-hugging', with some of the others wearing things that maybe fit in at the waist and then flare out. Who doesn't wear things that follow at least some of the contours of their body?? That's why we need to buy the correct size, surely. Yes, some dresses cling more than others - but... um...so? Is what's underneath so shocking?

I am so sick to death of reading about why women should do this, shouldn't do that, should wear this, shouldn't wear that. She's wearing a fairly normal dress. She's not 'showing off' or 'flaunting her new body'. Dear god, some of the responses on here are like tabloid headlines.

And now women have to take responsibility for everyone else's potential feelings every time they choose a dress? FUCK THAT.

I know it's her friend's wedding. Unless her friend is a complete tool, she won't mind her friend looking nice ( or sexy or stunning).

[Cue the usual suspects now telling me I seem upset/over-invested etc. Yup, I get upset about this shit. I have two daughters and I won't let them grown up in a world where the likes of borodin go unchallenged, or where women go round policing how much spare fabric there needs to be around your newly slim arse before you are non-offensive.]

Night all.

NameChangr678 · 28/06/2017 21:24

subject to the same invisible, manipulative and hypercritical rules?

I honestly think he just meant you have to dress formal for a wedding. Bodycon can totally be formal if done right. My cousin wore a yellow Primark bodycon dress to a wedding and looked lovely (and no, we're not a family of chavs like someone upthread suggested...)

*I think she wants to wear it to show off in front of the bride whose own attempts to lose weight have not been as successful. That is mean.

No one should try to upstage the bride or they are being needy and pathetic like the ghastly Pippa.*

a) You've made that up, AS IF that is the OP's intentions! That's just what her mum said, and I think her mum is BU here!

b) I really really really really doubt a wedding guest in a figure-hugging dress is seriously going to upstage the bride. I've seen precisely 0 upstagings in 13 weddings. If Pippa did, I'm sure it wasn't her intention (as Kate would have decided on the bridesmaid dress), and it's only because the bloody cameras were on her as she had to carry a 12ft train!

Let OP wear her nice dress jeeeeez

nina2b · 28/06/2017 21:25

Your last line is offensive.

nina2b · 28/06/2017 21:25

@ namechanger

NameChangr678 · 28/06/2017 21:26

I agree, the only thing NOT figure hugging is a fucking fatsuit, tent or Burqa.