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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wear a stunning figure hugging dress to a close friends wedding

855 replies

user1498221998 · 27/06/2017 17:59

My friend and I were both 16 stone this time 2 years ago. We both went on a diet and two years ,later I am now 10 stone and a size 10. She is still 16 stone and a size 18.

It's her wedding next Saturday and I showed my intended outfit to my Mum who said that while it looked beautiful I should wear something plainer and less figure hugging as almost everyone there hasn't seen me for over a year, doesn't know about my weight loss and I will attract too much attention away from the bride with my huge weight loss.

Do you think my Mum is right?

My friend will look beautiful anyway, so I don't see why I should have to deliberately look plain for her wedding!

My mum says it's 'rubbing it in' because she desperately wanted to be slim for her wedding. But that is not my fault.

OP posts:
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taybert · 28/06/2017 18:00

If my friend had lost that much weight and she wore something drab for my wedding I'd think she was mad. Then I'd probably think about it a bit longer and realise she'd done it to be "kind" because I hadn't lost the weight. Then I'd feel a bit patronised and as if she was pitying me. I'm not sure I'd like that.

jayne1976 · 28/06/2017 18:03

Tough, because had you always been your current size you could wear what you want without thinking about it, and on the day their will be others wearing similar outfits and you will be annoyed you feel you can't wear the same, but would probably make the bride feel sad she hasn't been able to achieve the same.

goingslightlycrazy · 28/06/2017 18:04

Gosh, just seen the dress
DON'T WEAR IT!

Not appropriate for a wedding in any situation imo

Dianag111 · 28/06/2017 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeyharris · 28/06/2017 18:13

If you're not sure then just wear something else. There will be other opportunities to wear the dress but your friend only gets to have this wedding day once in her lifetime

shinysinkredemption · 28/06/2017 18:16

Nooo I'd be uncomfy knowing I'd gone for a "stunning figure hugging" dress no matter who's wedding and even if I hadn't been heavier the year before. It just doesn't sound classy. Stunning yes, but figure hugging usually = skin tight - save it for another occasion.

Mcakes · 28/06/2017 18:17

I get your point Merchant and I personally won't be doing it again Grin

But I think there is also something about understanding a) the purpose and b) the tone of the event too.
I have friends who got married on farms and everyone was in walking boots and wellies (because it was muddy not because of any twee festival theme) and one recently in a friends' field where the bride wore a dress and leggings and looked fab. I have also been to super smart weddings with people wearing top hats and tails and meaning it.

To me, it is not about adhering to strict rules and having a uniform of demure, floaty dresses for the laydees. I love a bit of quirk and personality and it's fine to show your figure of any size if you are comfy with it. It is simply about having some vague awareness about the sort of clothing that best suits the occasion and not shouting "OI!! LOOK AT ME!! OVER HERE!!!" via your clothes when someone else is meant to be the centre of attention.

In my case I wore something that was intended to draw attention in a sexy way (which it did) and it wasn't really appropriate for the occasion. Which I now find funny and a little excruciating.

Fair play to anyone who feels comfortable wearing a slinky red evening gown or a showstopping bodycon dress to a normal daytime wedding. I am just saying that, like me, they are probably going to look tone deaf, vain and attention seeking.

ahhhhhwoof · 28/06/2017 18:18

I think you know what you should do here and therefore I don't know why you bothered asking if you were BU. You are. I've been on both sides of this situation and even though she probably won't say anything your friend will be hurt and sad on her wedding day. I agree with others. A nice well cut dress is what you have to wear here. You know it, we know it and your mum definitely knows it. By all means be that friend but don't expect this friendship to last.

MerchantofVenice · 28/06/2017 18:19

While you're at it OP, could you remind the best man not to be too tall, or ar least to stoop a bit (selfish bastard) and not to be too entertaining during his speech. Then remind all the guests not to be too fun and witty during the meal, else the bride might think that they're all conspiring to make her look dull. And if you suspect there might be any guests with high level qualifications or really impressive jobs, tell them to keep that under wraps - don't want the bride feeling stupid.

Oh - sorry, scrub all that. The only important thing is how slim the bride is. No other qualities matter.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/06/2017 18:21

@taybert - I don't think anyone is saying she has to wear something drab - where have you seen that?

It is perfectly possible for the OP to choose a dress that is more suitable for a wedding than the one she has described - I have links to several options that are still gorgeous, but much more suitable for a wedding.

@user1498221998 - I hope your choice of dress doesn't upset your friend. I don't think a good friend would take the risk - and I don't think the dress you have described is suitable for a wedding - I hope I am wrong, but if I am right, and your friend is upset, will you consider that it was worth it because you got to look stunning?

rickobucks · 28/06/2017 18:25

Do you think I might offer a couple of words from a male point of view.
Every woman who is invited to a wedding wants to look elegant and fashionable. (Apart from anything else, it's where many women have met their future husbands).
As others on here have rightly said it's just not done to outshine the bride with very light, satiny, off the shoulder type outfits.
The question of your weight and her weight shouldn't come into the equation. The bride already knows what you achieved. Nothing you can do, or should want to do about that. (Never going out with her again on a girlie night because you are thin and she is not ?)
The outfit you chosen looks lovely and in Maroon !! Wear it.
If I have the slightest concern it is that the very minny length of the skirt borders on the 'clubby'.
You could offset that with short Maroon or Stone gloves and I almost dare not say it an appropriate hat. (definitely not a fascinator). The reason I hesitate about the hat is that too many ruin the outfit because they have no idea what suits them or what suits what they are wearing. Better not to bother - a la The Princess (on many occasions).
Best of luck.

Hunstanton · 28/06/2017 18:27

I'm amazed at the negative responses on here. Wear it. Your great weight loss achievement will attract attention whatever you wear. The bride will be the centre of attention no matter what anyone else wears. All I can think of with your mum's comment, is the bride really thin skinned about your loss compared to herself? (That's not your problem of course)

Lovelymess · 28/06/2017 18:28

Wear it and be proud!!

MerchantofVenice · 28/06/2017 18:29

I think it's fine for a man to offer his opinion. Probably best not to start by telling what every woman wants though...

MerchantofVenice · 28/06/2017 18:30

Did you hear that? We're not allowed fascinators now; Gok has spoken.

user1498665532 · 28/06/2017 18:32

As long as it's not white go ahead, you worked hard to look good show it off.

NameChangr678 · 28/06/2017 18:33

Probably best not to start by telling what every woman wants though...

Jesus christ don't jump on him for saying an opinion. Everyone is allowed an opinion on fascinators. I think clothes from FatFace look shit, doesn't mean I'm "banning" them.

And he's right - who WOULDN'T want to look elegant and fashionable at a wedding? Confused

waitforitfdear · 28/06/2017 18:34

rick

Are you Richard Curtis dear?

MerchantofVenice · 28/06/2017 18:36

namechangr I didn't 'jump on him' - I made a suggestion. What, now I'm not allowed an opinion...

mcg458 · 28/06/2017 18:36

I understand the desire to show your new figure, but this is not the day, the bride must not be upstaged or shamed

MerchantofVenice · 28/06/2017 18:37

Seems a bit... wrong for someone who isn't a woman to announce what 'every' woman wants. Some women don't give a shit about looking elegant. It's not obligatory to look decorative just because you're a laydee.

MerchantofVenice · 28/06/2017 18:38

Lol!! Bride is 'shamed' now because OP has a slightly clingy dress.

NameChangr678 · 28/06/2017 18:38

No, you implied that as a male he shouldn't be saying what items of clothing he thinks look good/bad on women. That is bollocks. As a women I have plenty of opinions of what looks good/bad on men and I'm allowed to!

And the "every woman wants to look elegant and fashionable at a wedding".....is true? I've never met anyone who doesn't?

Garofbalaxy · 28/06/2017 18:38

Can you imagine this post from a male perspective?
I've lost loads of weight but my best pal has asked me to his wedding and I'm scared I'll upstage him in my well-tailored suit??? Nope, because most men don't give a shit about things like that. Why are there so many ridiculous rules about how woman should and shouldn't look?? Wear the dress and have a brilliant day. I was at a wedding recently and half the "young" ones looked like they were going clubbing, but the bride didn't care because they had made an effort and felt good about themselves which meant everyone had a great time.

kangamouse · 28/06/2017 18:38

I think you need to remember this is her wedding day and this day will never come again for her. Save your grand unveiling for another day. Just go for something beautiful and well done by the way.

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