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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wear a stunning figure hugging dress to a close friends wedding

855 replies

user1498221998 · 27/06/2017 17:59

My friend and I were both 16 stone this time 2 years ago. We both went on a diet and two years ,later I am now 10 stone and a size 10. She is still 16 stone and a size 18.

It's her wedding next Saturday and I showed my intended outfit to my Mum who said that while it looked beautiful I should wear something plainer and less figure hugging as almost everyone there hasn't seen me for over a year, doesn't know about my weight loss and I will attract too much attention away from the bride with my huge weight loss.

Do you think my Mum is right?

My friend will look beautiful anyway, so I don't see why I should have to deliberately look plain for her wedding!

My mum says it's 'rubbing it in' because she desperately wanted to be slim for her wedding. But that is not my fault.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
londonista · 27/06/2017 23:29

Twatty

OP has posted here asking AIBU which means she knows there is a slight chance she is, as with most AIBUs.

The suggestion from the original post is that the outfit is very eye catching and that's always a difficult thing to justify at a wedding. Any other social gathering go for it. Weddings nu-uh. Look nice by all means. Dress up. But deliberately going all out to look eye catching IF that is what OP is doing, is a bit off, in my opinion.

Settle down you lot, I said IF! She's long since fucked off so who knows.

This is precisely the reason BTW that I got married in a registry office with my 2 BFFs and my dad!

Rachel0Greep · 27/06/2017 23:34

I genuinely have never seen a bride upstaged on their wedding day, regardless of how any guest was dressed. Tbh, I would wonder a bit why OP's mother would even suggest it.

WanderingTrolley1 · 27/06/2017 23:41

It's her day, not yours to attract attention, OP!

SeanOSneachta · 27/06/2017 23:43

I am gob-smacked at the 'don't wear it' responses, and yes I have RTFT.

The way I read it is:

OP: I've lost loads of weight and bought myself a fab dress that shows off my figure. Now my mother has put doubt in my mind and thinks I might upset the bride.

Me: why wouldn't you wear something lovely and flattering on a day when everyone dresses their best? Isn't that what all guests do?

londonista · 27/06/2017 23:49

All guests that haven't been on a 2 year long weight loss quest that the bride ultimately failed at, yes.

Cakescakescakes · 27/06/2017 23:57

I feel like the dress and what to wear is actually secondary here and the sad thing is the OP's slightly unkind attitude towards her friend.

laurzj82 · 28/06/2017 00:28

Well done on your weight loss. I think you are going to wear the dress anyway so bit of a pointless thread!

Guepe · 28/06/2017 01:08

OP should clearly go to the wedding in a fat suit.

LogicalPsycho · 28/06/2017 01:21

Isn't that what all guests do?

All guests that haven't been on a 2 year long weight loss quest that the bride ultimately failed at, yes.

So we tell kids (and adults) to be proud of their successes, not to feel guilty for succeeding, but OP, who has ^literally busted her gut for 2 years, has to shun what she wants to wear, because of someone else's failings?
Aren't we meant to make each other feel better? That shouldn't mean "at the expense of my own comfort".
OP it is not your fault that you achieved something that someone else didn't.

Does it boil down to "people who love you want you to succeed, but don't dare appear to be doing better than them" Hmm

WonderLime · 28/06/2017 01:23

This thread really is ridiculous. The bride is not going to be inconsolable because the OP's dress is form fitting. There will be lots of slim guests wearing similar attire yet the only person who everyone will be looking at is the OP.

If the bride is offended that the OP has lost weight, then it is going to make zero different whether the dress is figure-hugging or not. The OP will still be very obviously 5
stone lighter and no amount of tent-like dresses will hide that.

Scrumpernickel · 28/06/2017 01:26

All this earnest hand wringing and she didn't even show a picture of the dress.

toffeeboffin · 28/06/2017 02:01

This has thread has definitely made me laugh out loud, especially the mennonnite dress suggestion Grin

So much hysteria and we haven't even seen the freaking dress Hmm

BadLad · 28/06/2017 02:02

Love the phrase "cat's bum face table"

I think the OP should smear dung over her face, and wear a Baldrick costume.

To wear a stunning figure hugging dress to a close friends wedding
Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 28/06/2017 02:34

Such a weird thread. If you think you might hurt your friend's feelings just don't do it. Simple. Obviously you think you might or you wouldn't have posted.

lydiangel83 · 28/06/2017 04:02

Congrats on the weight loss.

Hard to tell whether dress is wedding appropriate or not but if it is then wear and enjoy it for yourself, not to showcase weight loss to others.

I had two wedding guests, one good friend with great figure who wore bright tiny mini dress and one distant relative who wore white skirt and white top, and whilst I didn't notice it on my big day it did annoy me a bit when I looked pics /heard other people talk about them (rightly or wrongly).

lydiangel83 · 28/06/2017 04:02

Congrats on the weight loss.

Hard to tell whether dress is wedding appropriate or not but if it is then wear and enjoy it for yourself, not to showcase weight loss to others.

I had two wedding guests, one good friend with great figure who wore bright tiny mini dress and one distant relative who wore white skirt and white top, and whilst I didn't notice it on my big day it did annoy me a bit when I looked pics /heard other people talk about them (rightly or wrongly).

VulvalHeadMistress · 28/06/2017 05:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elfinpre · 28/06/2017 05:56

Wear the dress. I went to a wedding last week and all the 20 something women were wearing stuff like that. It's not unusual, too short, upstaging or anything like that.

malificent7 · 28/06/2017 05:59

Yabu... you should wear a bin bag or sack. Confused

malificent7 · 28/06/2017 06:03

Tbh i think it's odd when the bride gets upset about what guests wear.
There is only so much wow factor a white meringue can muster.
I would only be upset if a guest wore a wedding dress or went naked.
Hate all this virginal white wedding nonsense anyway. If i ever got married it would have to be pale purple / pink flouncy steam punky nonsense!

elfinpre · 28/06/2017 06:07

I'll tell you what honey, if I wore that dress with my age 41, 39-29-39 toned figure, muscular legs, 5'8" height and then extra with heels it would be a lot more, er, noticeable than if a little size 10 young one wears it.

Beautifullymixed · 28/06/2017 06:09

I can't believe this thread!

Doesn't everybody try their utmost to look stunning at a wedding?
Wear what you bloody like OP , why would you not?
You have lost weight - congratulations!
Feel proud and show it off.
Your friend will feel proud of you on the day, as you will be of her.
Do not try and look dull as dishwasher to appease anyone. What a weird thread....ConfusedConfused

Your mum needs to butt out too, what a way to make your daughter feel insecure and horrible.

ChestnutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 28/06/2017 06:15

This thread is nuts!

Only1scoop · 28/06/2017 06:21

Maroon.... Summer wedding noooooo

Sparklingbrook · 28/06/2017 06:24

I can't believe this thread!

I am struggling TBH.