To wear a stunning figure hugging dress to a close friends wedding

[user1498221998]

My friend and I were both 16 stone this time 2 years ago. We both went on a diet and two years ,later I am now 10 stone and a size 10. She is still 16 stone and a size 18.

It's her wedding next Saturday and I showed my intended outfit to my Mum who said that while it looked beautiful I should wear something plainer and less figure hugging as almost everyone there hasn't seen me for over a year, doesn't know about my weight loss and I will attract too much attention away from the bride with my huge weight loss.

Do you think my Mum is right?

My friend will look beautiful anyway, so I don't see why I should have to deliberately look plain for her wedding!

My mum says it's 'rubbing it in' because she desperately wanted to be slim for her wedding. But that is not my fault.

It's a woman asking 'permission' to wear something she likes. She's essentially asking 'is it ok that I like my body and want to wear something that makes me deel good?'

Is she essentially asking that? Not sure I agree.

It's a woman asking 'permission' to wear something she likes. We must support that.

well, without seeing the dress...Not every "feel good" dress is appropriate for a wedding.

And that's why I asked why she needed the opinion of strangers over her mum. You can't have opinions on a dress you haven't seen though so the crowd make it up.

Quite honestly I would never ever upstage the bride. It's her big day not yours and she deserves to shine.

Why must we support the poster?

Wtaf

this is aibu Mumsnet not netmums 'ok hunny your rules'

No waitforit

I dod8 not say we must support all posters.

I said we should support this poster, specifically on the basis of her post.

*did!

The dress sounds lovely - at the end of the day you've worked hard to get to where you are and should be proud to show that off. If you don't consider it to upstage the bride then go for it! If you think it might be more appropriate for another event then leave it. But it sounds suitable and elegant to me?! 

And by the way a massive congratulations for what you've achieved! That's amazing you must feel so proud of yourself!!

Ok coddi I see what you did there...

We had enough info to see that the dress was in the general area of wedding appropriate attire and was not an S&M outfit.

I think the dress sounds like the kind of dress I would expect to see at a wedding! A loss of 6 stone is going to be extremely noticeable whatever OP wears. People go to weddings generally wanting to dress up and look good, don't they? Nothing wrong with choosing a nice dress that's flattering. I honestly don't see the issue. It's not upstaging the bride to turn up to her wedding wearing a nice dress having lost weight first. The bride is the bride and will be the centre of attention and surely must be aware of OPs weight loss anyway. She may feel disappointed that she didn't manage to lose weight for her wedding day, but it will still be her wedding day and that's what she'll be focusing on, surely. I think she'd have to be a bit of a shit to be resenting OP for this and thinking she was upstaging her. As for the mum's comment, I think it's pretty ridiculous. OP, wear the dress, and well done on your weight loss!

Oh fgs this isnt a feminist issue most people who were brought up well know the old adage of 'dont upstage the bride' its manners ,class and decency.

*Your friend's wedding isn't the time or place to show off your new figure to friends who haven't seen you since you lost the weight.

It will attract attention*

Ah, yet another comment that you'd never hear about blokes.

"Mate, you can't wear that fitted blue suit cause your recent bodybuilding gains will attract too much attention. The groom's still skinny and not ripped like you, he'll get upset and jealous! Wear this baggy grey suit instead"

NO. Do you not see how ridiculous this is. Wear whatever you bloody well want. How pathetic.

so the crowd make it up

They most certainly did! They even made up bits that contravened actual facts given by OP! OP said "It's maroon"; loads of posters said :"you can't wear that - it's white!" OP said "It's longer that the one in the picture.; loads of posters said "that's too short. " They couldn't wait to slag it off! The actuality was immaterial!

Actually OP was fairly confident it's a nice, appropriate dress. She wasn't really asking that. She was asking, given the history, whether a dress thar highlighted her weight loss was appropriate. Mum said no. She wanted more opinions on that.

Instead, loads of people were desperate to know what style, material etc so they could appear to have grounds for the condemnation they were itching to give.

As I've said, this thread hangs on the fact that we give ABSURD levels of importance to female appearance. As a pp said, are the men doing this?? Like fuck they are. They're not agonising over the possibility that they might be more attractive than the groom.

We should fight against this, not agonise for 18 pages.

It should be:

OP: I'm worried about the bullshit body politics surrounding my choice of dress.

Posters: Is it white or obscene? Does it have a slogan that reads FUCK YOU BRIDEZILLA?

OP: no

Posters: go for it!

Instead, we have this fucked up situation when not only is OP's size and attractiveness of crucial import, but also her body history is under scrutiny- as in, it might be ok to wear this if you were, like, just a size 10... but you're an EX-FATTY, so it's a no.

FFS FFS FFS FFS.

Yes, I'm kind of hyperventilating now.

I don't see how she would upstage the bride unless she was wearing a wedding dress, or fancy dress.

A fitted maroon dress is normal wedding attire.

What reaction are you hoping for if you wear the dress? Are you expecting and hoping for people to notice and compliment you? Will you be pissed off if they don't? Because if that's the case then wether subconsciously or not, you are wearing the dress to show off. That's fine, but not at a wedding.

If you honestly don't care if no one says a thing about all the weight you lost and how great you look then fine go ahead and wear it

Instead, we have this fucked up situation when not only is OP's size and attractiveness of crucial import, but also her body history is under scrutiny- as in, it might be ok to wear this if you were, like, just a size 10... but you're an EX-FATTY, so it's a no.

Exactly. Like, she can't possibly wear X in case her friend gets upset.

I would hope one has better things to do on their wedding day than get upset because their friend lost weight and wore a pretty dress.

halfshell

Most issues about female appearance are related to feminism. Even that 'don't upstage the bride' guff that you think is all genteel.

Hth.

Oh come on.

The salient point isn't that the OP used to be fat, it's that she went on a diet with the bride.

If it was my friend, I wouldn't want to go all out to make the bride feel shite that she hadn't achieved the goal too. Thought that was normal levels of thoughtfulness?

Poor bride having to see a friend in a dress, it will be so hard for her...hang on, why? She's getting married to someone whom we presume she loves. She will be enjoying her day.

More importantly OP how did you lose all that weight and keep it off for 2 years?? [misses point of thread entirely]

I wouldn't want to go all out to make the bride feel shite that she hadn't achieved the goal too.

Calling the bride fat and lazy would make her feel shite.

But wearing a fitted dress?!?

TAra unless the OP goes to her friend's wedding wearing a fat suit, it's still going to be glaringly obvious that she's been successful in her diet. What would be an acceptable outfit for OP not to draw attention to her figure too much in order to avoid making the bride feel bad? Presumably the bride KNOWS she's lost the weight

Tara

Yes I feel the same.
If the OP even has a tiny inkling that rightly or wrongly the bride is going to look at her and feel bad about her own failings on her wedding day, then why do it? Reasonable or not, I just wouldn't want that for a close friend.
Not ever and especially not on the day they get married.

For me, the main point here is that we don't and can't know if the bride will be happy for the OP to wear the dress or whether she will be really upset or just indifferent.

I do think there is a risk that the bride will be upset - she hasn't managed to lose weight for her big day.

I also think that the OP could find another lovely dress that is less likely to cause upset for her friend, without being quite so in-her-face about the weight loss.

Maybe something with a more summery patterned fabric like this dress from Ted Baker - still form fitting, but elegant and a bit more restrained.

Or this Debenhams dress - if you like a skirt with a bit of flare. Or this Oasis dress would be wonderful for a wedding, IMO.