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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wear a stunning figure hugging dress to a close friends wedding

855 replies

user1498221998 · 27/06/2017 17:59

My friend and I were both 16 stone this time 2 years ago. We both went on a diet and two years ,later I am now 10 stone and a size 10. She is still 16 stone and a size 18.

It's her wedding next Saturday and I showed my intended outfit to my Mum who said that while it looked beautiful I should wear something plainer and less figure hugging as almost everyone there hasn't seen me for over a year, doesn't know about my weight loss and I will attract too much attention away from the bride with my huge weight loss.

Do you think my Mum is right?

My friend will look beautiful anyway, so I don't see why I should have to deliberately look plain for her wedding!

My mum says it's 'rubbing it in' because she desperately wanted to be slim for her wedding. But that is not my fault.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
TheDowagerCuntess · 27/06/2017 21:48

This isn't about people being jealous. The OP is a size 10. A significant proportion of posters to this thread will be that size or smaller.

It's about considering the feelings of someone on a day that's meant to be special for them.

The bride might not care. Could well not care.

In which case this thread is a waste of hot air.

BlueThesaurusRex · 27/06/2017 21:49

I read the entire thread just hoping to see the actual dress. Now my brain hurts Confused

MerchantofVenice · 27/06/2017 21:52

I don't necessarily think it's about people being jealous. It's certainly partly about people being arseholes.

lookatmenow · 27/06/2017 21:53

1 - has your friend seen you and your weight loss? If so, she's not going to be arsed as she'll know you'll be wearing something nice and that you're slim

2 - the friends you've not seen won't be making noise about you're weight loss whilst the bride is stood in front of them. That'll be when you first see them at ceremony (whilst waiting for bride) and again at meal when general chit chat happens and bride will be on her own table.

Where the dress

1ndigo · 27/06/2017 21:57

Can you imagine a man posting, "AIBU to look too handsome as opposed to my mate? My dad said, do you really need to wear that suit? It's a bit slim-fitting and could upstage the groom."

Cue 17 pages of men talking about the cut of suits on different body types and what other men may think at the wedding. Grin

I can't believe we've had all this and nobody has even seen the dress!

MerchantofVenice · 27/06/2017 21:59

Spot on 1ndigo!!

londonista · 27/06/2017 22:04

Merchant ... I understand what you're saying, and I agree with you.

I think we could all do with showing a bit more empathy to be fair. Someone who's just lost 5 stone doesn't need to be brought back down with "get over yourself" type comments.

As someone who's been there, the process of rebuilding self esteem has been a life long process!

I think she shouldn't wear the dress, but equally I completely and utterly understand why she wants to.

MerchantofVenice · 27/06/2017 22:11

Thanks londonista I appreciate that.

I guess I get annoyed because this whole issue hinges on the idea that a)what a woman wears really really matters, like, LOADS and b) it also really really matters in a friendship-threatening kind of way how fat/thin we are in relation to one another.

I kind of hoped when I saw the thread that it would be awash with "go for it - enjoy your dress because it is just a nice dress and not the defining moment in your life or friendship" ... but it turns out it IS that important...

AWaspOnAWindowInAHeatwave · 27/06/2017 22:11

OP: AIBU?

MN: YABU

OP: No I'm not!

MN: Yes you are!

OP: No really I'm not!

And so on...

hackmum · 27/06/2017 22:13

Lots of people have been supportive of the OP.

MerchantofVenice · 27/06/2017 22:18

And lots haven't.

People should be supportive. It's a woman asking 'permission' to wear something she likes. She's essentially asking 'is it ok that I like my body and want to wear something that makes me deel good?'

We must support that. And great- some did.

It's the total asshats who shot her down (and there are plenty) I have a problem with.

MerchantofVenice · 27/06/2017 22:18

*feel good

MerchantofVenice · 27/06/2017 22:20

There's been a lot of hand-wringing about "yeah but can't you just prioritise her on this special day"... as if the only way a female can support her friend is by not looking as good/thin as her.

FFS.

waitforitfdear · 27/06/2017 22:22

Yes not really equating the phrase that too much attention away from the bride with my weight loss shows anyone with a low self esteem. Wink

Still crack on and well done on your weight loss but the bride is the bride and you won't outshine her don't fret.

Louiselouie0890 · 27/06/2017 22:23

There's a few thread police about tonight isn't there lol

greendale17 · 27/06/2017 22:23

Your friend's wedding isn't the time or place to show off your new figure to friends who haven't seen you since you lost the weight.

It will attract attention

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth · 27/06/2017 22:27

Name See I think they are both tacky and not appropriate but then I struggle to ever find anything in Lipsy that doesn't have an odd cut out or strange shape to it.

Nanna50 · 27/06/2017 22:28

Merchant I can't comment on the dress as I haven't seen it, and can't see the point of giving an opinion on a dress that may or may not be like the one she chose. I asked why she didn't think her mums opinion was valid, I haven't thrown stones.

6 stone weight loss is amazing.

MerchantofVenice · 27/06/2017 22:31

Who said she was supposed to have low self esteem?!

Re 'thread police' comment- yeah I guess that's me. As far as name-calling goes, I'll take that. I think it just means I don't like people being unnecessarily unpleasant and I call them on it.

greendale I take it you're joking? Or do you really mean OP should hide her figure? I expect she had her fair share of negative attention when she was bigger, as we live in such a judgemental world, but heaven forbid she gets any positive attention on her own terms at an event where everyone tries to get dressed up and look nice. Where's that nice roomy sack?

Shellym13 · 27/06/2017 22:31

I wore a figure hugging dress to my friends wedding, sorry but I work bloody hard to wear stuff like this exactly at big events. Why should I feel bad about myself because I am a size 10. That's why I list the weight! Wear what you like op, body shaming is alive and well in all sizes x

Coddiwomple · 27/06/2017 22:33

that's a lot of comments about a dress that no-one has seen...

(unless I completely missed an update with the actual dress!)

MerchantofVenice · 27/06/2017 22:33

Fair enough nanna.

But there are plenty of reasons why her mum's opinion might not be the gold standard of opinions. My mum has some completely bonkers opinions, lots of them pretty sexist.

VulvalHeadMistress · 27/06/2017 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sickofkidsprogrammes · 27/06/2017 22:36

Just go in a one man tent, stand at the back and interact with no one

Xmasbaby11 · 27/06/2017 22:37

Wear the dress. Nothing will upstage the bride. It's just a nice fitting dress, it's not like you're wearing a boob tube or massive white frock!

I was a size 22 bride and loved seeing my friends looking wonderful at my wedding.