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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wear a stunning figure hugging dress to a close friends wedding

855 replies

user1498221998 · 27/06/2017 17:59

My friend and I were both 16 stone this time 2 years ago. We both went on a diet and two years ,later I am now 10 stone and a size 10. She is still 16 stone and a size 18.

It's her wedding next Saturday and I showed my intended outfit to my Mum who said that while it looked beautiful I should wear something plainer and less figure hugging as almost everyone there hasn't seen me for over a year, doesn't know about my weight loss and I will attract too much attention away from the bride with my huge weight loss.

Do you think my Mum is right?

My friend will look beautiful anyway, so I don't see why I should have to deliberately look plain for her wedding!

My mum says it's 'rubbing it in' because she desperately wanted to be slim for her wedding. But that is not my fault.

OP posts:
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15
MerchantofVenice · 27/06/2017 20:03

And of course it can be stunning, figure-hugging, simple and elegant. It can be all those things - they're not mutually exclusive.

But any excuse to tear an OP apart, hey?

Whocansay · 27/06/2017 20:05

No, it isn't the OP's fault that the bride didn't lose the weight. But she doesn't have to rub her nose in it. What sort of friend does that? Especially on their wedding day. I'm sure the OP looks lovely, but she will have plenty of opportunity to show off her figure another time. But what she's doing isn't nice.

VulvalHeadMistress · 27/06/2017 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rightwhine · 27/06/2017 20:06

You wouldn't be wrong to wear it but I think you could be kind and not wear it, if your friend means anything to you.
Think how you'd feel if the situation were reversed. It wouldn't feel good would it?

Team Mum here.

WomblingThree · 27/06/2017 20:06

Well if I'm one of the "most awful posters" MerchantofVenice, then read the post where I said I'm sure the dress is perfectly fine. I'm not sure I would care much what someone wore to a wedding. It's the OP's attitude I have an issue with.

Mulch · 27/06/2017 20:07

Pp that suggested you channel Kate middleton had the right idea. You'll have plenty of chances to show off your weight loss but your friends wedding is just once. Be a friend and let her have her day. Never upstage the bride

Fatrascals · 27/06/2017 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at request of author

MistressDeeCee · 27/06/2017 20:08

The bride will be centre of attention in a gorgeous wedding dress, how on earth will you upstage her? Id say different if your dress was similar colour and style to a wedding dress or if its obviously a party dress with legs n cleavage to the fore - but if it isn't then Id say wear it.. Ive never heard of anything such as no figure hugging dress to wedding. Is it ok to wear figure hugging if you're plus size? Banned if you're slim? Slim = wear loose fitting? Bigger = ..whatever?

People and their bloody rules I can't even remember what my mates wore at my wedding

chipmonkey · 27/06/2017 20:08

When my cousin got married, the bride's sister had had a baby two weeks before. Her stomach was flat and she had a slim-fitting red dress on. For about five minutes we admired her figure and wondered how the feck she was so skinny after just having a baby. For five minutes. The rest of the day was spent looking at the bride who wasn't as slim but who was the one in the big white dress so kind of held our attention a bit more!
Wear your dress, OP. I think you've been given an unduly tough time.

LaurieFairyCake · 27/06/2017 20:09

A knee length maroon dress showing no cleavage and no legs is perfectly appropriate for a wedding

OP you probably just think it's 'figure hugging' as you now have a figure that it fits to.

Flowers Well done on your weight loss

VulvalHeadMistress · 27/06/2017 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IWillOnlyEatBeans · 27/06/2017 20:09

I am a size 8. I have worn figure hugging dresses to weddings before (not bodycon or cut to the navel or anything else deemed offensive. Still figure hugging though). I didn't upstage any of the brides, even if they were a few dress sizes bigger than me. They looked beautiful and radiant and amazing. I looked quite nice.

Go for it.

NameChangr678 · 27/06/2017 20:10

Would any of you genuinely be offended that a close friend lost loads of weight and you didn't, and then wore a nice dress to your wedding?

Boynamedsue · 27/06/2017 20:10

VulvalHeadMistress I think what the OP has to do is regain the weight, maybe a bit more, so that noone is upset.

As a fat woman (who has also tried to lose weight) I just find this thread so offensive. Just because I'm fat doesn't make me bitter. And just because I'm fat didn't mean that my slim friends upstaged me at my wedding. They didn't, I rocked it. They looked stunning but it wasn't a competition. They made an effort for my day which is such a lovely thing to do.

I really hope the OP doesn't let this thread change her mind about what to wear.

user1471450061 · 27/06/2017 20:11

Ffs the op has put in the hard work to lose weight. I don't think it's going to take away from the bride's day. She too could have worked hard to lose weight and be a size 10 but didn't.

Wear your dress.

MerchantofVenice · 27/06/2017 20:11

No, OP doesn't have to 'rub her nose in it' - where has she said, or even hinted, that she'd like to?

And wombling could you quote the bit from OP that clearly demonstrates this attitude that you've italicised? Thanks.

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2017 20:12

Anyone else tempted to rummage in the loft to see of anyone wore a tight dress to their wedding? I may have been upstaged and not even know it, and I have been married for years. Shock Will it be too late to bear a grudge?

rightwhine · 27/06/2017 20:13

Yes Iwill but you hadn't just lost loads of weight and not been seen for a year. Nobody will have noticed you - but they sure as hell will notice the op. She'll get loads of admiration and notice anyway, She doesn't have to be in a figure hugging outfit.

The ops mum has actually seen her in it and feels the same.

Helpme214 · 27/06/2017 20:13

I really hate this thread. She should be allowed to look her best, as should every lady, regardless of weight. People need to learn to be happy for one another and celebrate successes of their friends, even if it's something you've failed at. Theres no reason why they can't both look beautiful. I'm sure your friend will be a lovely bride regardless of her size. The most beautiful thing about a bride is that look in her eyes that shows how deeply in love she is. No guest "losing a bit of weight" can detract from that. She will be the centre of attention regardless (and rightly so).

BertrandRussell · 27/06/2017 20:13

"Would any of you genuinely be offended that a close friend lost loads of weight and you didn't, and then wore a nice dress to your wedding?"

No, of course not. But if we had been trying to lose weight together and she had succeeded and I hadn't, then body con might make me feel a bit sad. And why do anything that might risk the bride feeling a bit sad when the world is full of lovely non body con dresses?

Louiselouie0890 · 27/06/2017 20:14

It's impossible let to give an honest answer without seeing the actual dress but as you don't want to put it up and with your mum saying it's inappropriate I'm inclined to agree with mum. Also as you won't put it up and posting this makes me think your questioning it too but wanna wear it anyway

hellomoon · 27/06/2017 20:14

What a beautiful dress really? How do you know? We've not actually seen it.Just a short white one that doesbt look like hers.

What an unimaginative pedant. Op posted a picture of a dress that is very similar albeit longer in length and a different colour. Not difficult to picture really?

RudeDog · 27/06/2017 20:14

Maybe OP should hire a fat suit?

I'm struggling to think what would be acceptable for her to wear, she can't hide her body - if she's slim she will look slim in everything!!!

You're not wearing a Lycra mini dress - it's absolutely fine.

Whocansay · 27/06/2017 20:14

Vulva - I haven't commented on the actual dress. The OP said that it was 'figure hugging', which generally is not appropriate for a wedding. This does not mean she has to wear a sack.

Her own mother has seen her in the dress and we only have her and the OP's opinion to go on. The mum thinks it's inappropriate and thinks she's rubbing it in. The OP seems to be positively gleeful that she's lost weight and her friend hasn't, so I'm inclined to go with her mother's opinion.

I'm not so much on CatsBumFace table, so much as the table that supports their friends.

drummergirl34 · 27/06/2017 20:16

I think from your subject title: " To wear a stunning figure hugging dress to a close friends wedding" - it's hardly a "plain dress" and you intend to be stunning and show off your body to because you're planning to upstage her. I don't think what anyone here writes will make a jot of difference to what seems like a stubborn decision.