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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be angry at dp for booking this holiday?

565 replies

Imengagedtoanidiot · 26/06/2017 20:42

  • [Message from MNHQ - just noting, this thread was started in July 2017 and has been resurrected FOR NO GOOD REASON Wink - move along now, please there's nothing new to see here...]

So for ages I've been saying I wan to go to Paris I've never been and it's always been somewhere I want to go but money's right ATM.

Anyway I was talking about how much I want to go in front of my mum a few months and turns out she said to dp to book it for us, she'll have the DCs and pay for the trip for my birthday and keep it as a surprise.

I found out this trip was booked last week by accident and was obviously very excited although felt awful that my mum had given dp the money (£500)

I've just had a look at the details and he's booked it leaving on a Saturday afternoon (arriving late Saturday) and returning very early Monday morning. He booked the Monday off work for me and confirmed mum was having the dcs from Friday night and dropping them to childminder Monday (we collect at 6pm)

AIBU to be fuming that he's taken £500 for essentially 1 day?? I've looked and he could have got Friday evening/early Saturday flights and late Monday flight back for the exact same price so it's not a price issue - he said he just 'didn't think'. He's saying I'm so ungrateful and should be thankful for him (he didn't bloody pay for it)

I'm really upset and don't know if I am being ungrateful and a spoilt brat but I'm just pissed off and feel like my dream break and first holiday without dc is a fucking joke.

I've tried changing the flights and even cancelling but the charge is excessive.

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 29/06/2017 18:08

OP's mum may have sacrificed a lot to give that £500. She deserved for it to be put the best possible use, not pissed up the wall for 1 sodding day in Paris.

Smellbellina · 29/06/2017 18:10

I agree with OP. Her mum paid for her to have treat and her DP did a half arsed job of arranging it. If he couldn't or wouldn't do it properly he should of said no to her mum re making the booking on her behalf, not take her money and piss it up the wall.
I'd be very pissed off at anyone treating my mum like that.

TequilaSunshine · 29/06/2017 18:15

not pissed up the wall for 1 sodding day in Paris

At the risk of twisting myself into circles going over the same point - that's a matter of perspective.

In Paris:
2 evenings
2 night
1 full day.

But look on the black side, it's only one day isn't it. The rest of the time you're there it's probably a dream and you're not really there. Or something.

SittingAround1 · 29/06/2017 18:20

Tequila the point is that it could have been longer for the SAME price.

This reminds me of the mental workload thread. The OPs husband has just made sure he'll never be left in charge of booking holidays again.

TequilaSunshine · 29/06/2017 18:24

Tequila the point is that it could have been longer for the SAME price.

Yes, I see that - it could have been. But it's not. She still has been treated to a surprise trip away to a city she's always wanted to visit.
If there's specifications on when/where/how long next time they'll know not to bother and she can do it herself.

Smellbellina · 29/06/2017 18:31

I doubt her mum would hand the money over to fuckwit to organise anything again anyway.
You don't have to be grateful to someone for fucking up a suprise someone else paid for! Presumably he's a grown man after all.

Original poster
Imengagedtoanidiot · 29/06/2017 18:36

@tequila you're pissing me off now and who the hell quotes themself to agree with themselves?

I did NOT come back to throw my toys out of the pram, I came back to reiterate my point of why I was angry as some foolish people thought I was angry because my holiday wasn't good enough or that I should be greatful to dp (but failed to mention what for!) and either didn't understand what I was saying or didn't bother to listen.

I then did tell you directly to get lost because you tried arguing the same points.

The point is, my DM did a lovely generous thing, my DP is not an imbecile and had he taken 10 mins to actually think it through he could've got a good deal and more time in Paris but instead he booked the first thing he saw, with someone else's money, for the same price as he could have got longer and then expected me to be greatful to him.

The spending money will come out of my money that I was saving for us to do something this year (not enough to go abroad but maybe a night in a nice hotel etc)

Spending money was not an issue, we are tight for funds in that we wouldn't be able to pay for a holiday but not living in poverty.

If we change flights/book something else it will likely eat into the limited money.

I've had my rant, I'm pissed off, obviously to some people I'm an entitled unngreatful spoilt little princess that doesn't deserve my Prince Charming.

Luckily Prince Charming has now admitted he should have used that pretty little head of his and I'm focusing on making the most of my 1 day in Paris.

DM is non the wiser, I get 1 day somewhere I want to go and I'll work out the most twisted punishment my evil little mind can come up with for DP at a later date.

Thanks Grin

OP posts:
LogicalPsycho · 29/06/2017 18:49

Just because I'm spare of time today and bored I decided to see what I could find.
My from my nearest airport to Paris, I was able to find flights Saturday AM to Monday 4pm, and a nice hotel in the centre for £398-£430. It literally took ten fucking minutes.

I'm with OP, her DP clicked the first thing under £500 he could find- which is why they're only getting one full day there.

So while the gift was thought up with care, the actual execution of it was totally neglected!

Alpanini · 29/06/2017 19:35

Totally with you OP, I would be fuming. If you think you can enjoy the trip, then go ahead. If you think you will be resentful then maybe put some of that spending money towards changing the flights and finding a cheaper hotel or a lovely little AirBnB? You won't want to be spending much time there anywhere you'll be off exploring. It would be rubbish for you if 'what ifs' and feeling annoyed ruined this lovely present from your mum. It's not just the time you have while you're there -- it's how you will be feeling if that makes sense. Sorry other people have been giving you a hard time. I got the feeling maybe they skim read your original post and didn't see it was a gift from your mum.

ethelfleda · 29/06/2017 19:50

OP - I feel your pain... And not on the whole holiday issue (although I can understand why you're so annoyed) but on the sanctimonious responses you have received. Seems to be the norm here and unfortunately there is no point trying to explain yourself to the morally superior beings Wink

RainbowBriteRules · 29/06/2017 20:03

Totally agree ethel. So often people have come on for a rant and just want a little bit of support and they get slated.

OP, I only have two kids and vividly remember being pregnant with an eighteen month old. Add a 4 year old and the summer holidays into the mix and I think your goal should be survival, not treasuring every moment FFS.

RainbowBriteRules · 29/06/2017 20:04

So sorry, wrong thread! Although so still agree about the sanctimonious responses ethel.

TequilaSunshine · 29/06/2017 20:16

I then did tell you directly to get lost because you tried arguing the same points.

You asked for opinions and got them. Then refused to listen to the points of view of others that didn't agree with you.
You said yourself that he was a fool and was only listening to them that agreed -which kind of defeats the object of asking for opinions Confused
Wouldn't have had to keep repeating myself if you were capable of listening to other viewpoints apart from your own.
Glad to hear you've stopped sulking and are prepared to make the most of your trip away though.

Emboo19 · 29/06/2017 20:18

I'll work out the most twisted punishment my evil little mind can come up with for DP at a later date.
You could sell some of his shit on eBay! My mum once sold one of my dad's guitars when he'd spent some money he shouldn't have.
Would have the added bonus of having some extra money to take with you.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 29/06/2017 20:23

I'm totally with you and this is why I'm a control freak - who wouldn't think this through???

On the other hand my granny's words are ringing in my ears...the only acceptable response to a gift is 'thank you' said with a smile!!

ethelfleda · 29/06/2017 20:52

Tequila there are better ways of putting an alternative opinion across. Maybe "well I would go easy on him because of x,z or z' may be a little better received by the OP than calling her a grabby div or an ungrateful twat. Just remember that there are actual human beings behind these posts and I doubt very much that is how you speak to people in RL.

gluteustothemaximus · 29/06/2017 21:52

Wouldn't have had to keep repeating myself if you were capable of listening to other viewpoints apart from your own

Hmm Errr. Pot. Kettle. Black.

Roomster101 · 30/06/2017 08:49

Wouldn't have had to keep repeating myself if you were capable of listening to other viewpoints apart from your own

Obviously, OP has listened to your view point (as have the majority of other posters) or she wouldn't have responded to it. However, she and the vast majority of other posters don't agree that she should be grateful to her DP for spending ten minutes of his time wasting her mother's money rather than spending it wisely. People aren't going to think differently just because you keep repeating yourself.

pinkyredrose · 30/06/2017 17:23

I can't see why you can't change the flights and he pays the £100 charge given that he's spent fuck all of his own money.

C8H10N4O2 · 01/07/2017 13:54

YANBU OP, I'm regularly surprised at the low expectations many women have of their DP.

Your DM paid and arrange the childcare for a long weekend. DP only had to haul arse long enough to book the long weekend DM paid for. He books a glorified day trip for the one day in a long weekend where lots of Paris is shut. Apparently his misuse of her funds is just dandy though.

Its entirely possible to organise a weekend in Paris for that price. DC2 and partner did exactly that a couple of weeks back (Fri to Monday) using Eurostar and a budget but decent accommodation not far from the centre. It took her less than an hour to pull it together as the whole trip was at short notice.

I'm struggling to imagine this lack of care and effort being acceptable from a woman in this situation.

user1497357411 · 01/07/2017 14:23

Oh come on. You are all being to hard on her. She has really wanted to go for a vacation in Paris. And he is all like: "Oh yes, we are going on a vacation in Paris .... for an entire day, when all the shops and several of the museums are closed. See how important you are to me? I am sacrificing an entire day of my precious time doing something so utterly boring. I am such a hero. And now please shut up about Paris forever, ok?". I understand as I have several family members who are like that. You really need them to do something for you. You have done several time-consuming and/or expensive things for them and now they are doing something for you in return ......well, almost, anyway. close enough. That'll do.

Roomster101 · 01/07/2017 15:18

Oh come on. You are all being to hard on her.

All???! Have you actually read the thread beyond the first page? If you do you will see that almost everyone agrees with OP.

GreatThingsWork · 08/02/2018 19:06

I completely agree with you. I've been in the position were there was no possibility of a treat and to have half of it squandered is thoughtless, but lovely of your Mum to give you the money.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 08/02/2018 19:12

I'm with you OP, you could have gone for 3 days which would be much better

peachypetite · 08/02/2018 19:15

This is an old thread...